I recently shifted from kolkata to delhi...and i live in an overrated 2 bhk flat with two bachelors who just love pizza...unlike me...I hate pizza so much that pizza hut ka tagline mere liye think pizza think pizza 'hat'...i hate burger as well...kyunki aisa khana main khau kyun jisse mera mu ka exression hi bigar jay...aap ne burger khane walo ka mu ka expression dekha hai(showing expressions)...lagta hai pure pakistan ko ekbar me nigal lenge...and that maionese myonese or whatever...handling a maionese in a burger is harder than handling a gf in delhi...you bite the burger from here and meyonese gies out from there...kamaal hai...i have been in a relationship 'with a girl' in college days and I think that girls have some predefined things...like I proposed that girl whom i had relationship and she immediately told I love you too...toh maine usko baad me puchha ke tumhe bhi pyar tha toh tumne mujhe propose kyun nahi kiya...simple coz i am a girl...like you send me request and I will acknowledge that...that's a girly thing...not only that I have noticed that ladkiyan chahe jaha ki bhi ho,expressing their relationship status is the same...like boys want to show off about their relationship if they have gf,connought place se leke GB road tak jaha jayenge...fb pe photo post karenge har ek friend ko tag karke...fb pe in an open relationship...tinder,happn sare uninstall...lekin ek ladki jab relationship me aati hain toh...she never changes her relationship status on fb...she does nothing...bas fb pe status hoga ek romantic song aur last me '#dedicated'...dedicated to whom kisiko nahi pata?sab ladke khus...bhai mere ko dedicate ki lagta hai..bhai mereko mereko...basically that '#dedicated' means jao aaj raat ko sab mere naam pe hilalo...jao...so bachpan se actor banne ka shauk tha sorry bhoot tha...until i saw my face for the first time...kyun ki according to my parents if I wanted to be an enginner or doctor then it's shauk otherwise it's bhoot...last year i told my mom that mom main audition dene jaa raha hu acting ke liye...mammi ne bola shakal dekhi hai...mom maine dhanush ki bhi shakal dekhi hai...ek film me dhanush was picking up shruti hassan and i was jerking off in bathroom...apni bas yehi aukat reh gayi hai...south indian heroes are so ugly that main hero ko pehchan nahi paata jab tak mujhe villain na dikh jay...if you see a typical south indian movie,you will notice the heroes are too smart too handle,right?...aam insaan ki do aankhe hoti hai...police ki chaar aankhe hoti hai...aur south indian heroes ki har jaga aankhen hai...tatton pe aankhe hai...har jagah aankhen hai...
I spent diwali this year in delhi...aur diwali ke time na company wale nayi scheme chalu karte hai...and this year diwali scheme was fimstaro ki awaz record karke usko har ek customer ko phone karke diwali wish karna...toh mere pass diwali ke pehle din call aaya...hello this is siddharth malhotra...wishing you a very happy diwali from hyundai...i was like kya hua bhai aaj kal alia phone won nahi utha nahi rahi kya?mujhe toh tajjub hona hi tha kyunki mujhe sirf teen tarah ke logon ke phone aate hai...meri mummy,customer care,wrong number...achanak se agar celebrity ka phone aa jaye toh lagega hi na ke bhai KO gehra sadma pohocha hai lagta hai tab hi meri yaad aayi...
bachpan me mujhe sab zyada chir kisi subject se hua hai...toh woh thi geography...maine padha tha some geologists spend their whole life to detect the actual shape of the earth...kisi ko laga it looks like an orange...kisi ko laga it's round...dude just get a playboy magazine...it will clear your whole concept about different kind of shapes...as simple as that...phit maine padha tha bangladesh,china aur pakistan hamare padosi desh hain...ekdam sahi hain...padosi log chutiye hi hote hai!!!jab main chhota tha papa magic show leke gaye the...I remember that I enjoyed it very much...lekin main bada hota gaya aur ab lagta hai ki khud ke paise kharch karke apna chutiya katane ka sawal hi paida nahi hota...now I completely hate it and those weird magic tricks...so fake dude...sala idhaar ek machhar kaat ta hain toh usko maa behen kar dete hain yaar aur udhar bande ke andar itna bada shord ghusate hai...aur bhosdiwala greet karta hai haste hue...kya chutiyap hai yaar...aur koi ladki jab yeh same trick kar rahi hoti hai toh...bc ek cockroach dekh ke antilla ke ek maale se top floor me chhalang marti hai...aur uske pet me shord ghus raha hai woh bhi flying kiss marti hai...i mean wtf!!!
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