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How to Attain Victory Over Anger
Just as you learn to keep accounts, and when you learn the key elements of accounting then tracking becomes very easy. Similarly there is a main point, the key element, the root of every question, and if you learn this then the answer to that question will automatically come to you.The question that has come is that how to attain victory over anger? Then the question really is, where does anger come from? Gita says - “Anger comes from desire” - “kaamaatkrodhaayabhijaayate” (Gita 2/62). What is that anger? Human beings have understood that “desires are for money, wealth, grandeur, power, etc.” - These are also desires, but what is the main and real desire? “This should happen and this should not happen” - the name of this subtle want within is called “desire”.
First you hold on to the point that “this should certainly happen” and when that does not happen, then you become angry. And “This should not happen” and when someone does that or does something opposing to your wishes, then you get angry. This should happen and this should not happen, this is the root of all anger.
There is no gain in desiring that it should happen like this, or it should not happen like this; because will the world ask us before doing something? Will they do according to your liking? You want from your wife, son and servant that they should listen to you, then do they not wish the same of you? If they have nothing on their mind then they will do as you say, but in their minds too there is that thought that “ I will do it this way or not do it this way” then how will they listen only to you? When you too are not willing to listen to how they want things done, then what rights do you have that they should listen to your ways? Therefore when the feeling arises within that “This should happen like this and it should not happen like this” - then leave the insistence that the person should do it like that alone. In this insistence is your pride, in other words, I am greater, therefore he should listen to me. This pride of greatness is the main cause, and when things do not happen the way you want, then that pride itself comes in the form of anger.
If you desire peace then give up pride; because pride is the root of all the demoniac qualities. In the shadow of pride of greatness lies all the demoniac qualities of Kaliyug, All the bad qualities pertaining to demoniac qualities such as anger, greed, attachment, jealousy, passion, hypocrisy, deceit etc., they all come under the umbrella of pride, because pride is their king. If you do not give up pride then how will anger go away! Therefore give up that pride.
Now what is the solution for giving it up? Those who do not listen to you, they are helping you in getting rid of your pride, and those who listen and do as you say, they are swelling your pride - are you getting this point or not? The people who are obeying you are not benefiting you as much as, those who don’t do as you say. For you own good, the more that your pride is confronted the more better it is for you. Therefore you must be grateful to those who are not listening to you, because as such this is for our own well-being.
If they knowingly do not listen to you, saying that brother, we are not listening to you because it is for your own good, as your pride will go away, then to it is to your benefit only. They are not further swelling your pride i.e. your pride is not getting further bloated. Do you not wish for what is for your good or do you not? Do you want your spiritual progress or do you want your downfall? If you desire your spiritual growth, then it will be possible only when you are free of pride. And you will become free of pride when no one listens to you. If someone listens to you, then your words become established and this itself is cause for pride. This itself is demoniac tendency - “dambho darpobhimaanashrav krodhah” (Gita 16/4). Therefore those who do not listen to you, they are gracing you immensely. They are removing your demoniac tendencies and instilling divine tendencies in you.
Now the question that has come is that by not listening the child will become insolent and arrogant? By listening to you, you will become filled with pride, and if he does not listen then he will become insolent - now think deeply on these two points. If you are not there, then too by doing as he wants he will become insolent regardless, however how will your pride go away? Insolent he will be regardless of you, but your pride will not go away. Therefore you must get rid of your pride first and the foremost.
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