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Matriarch Sudre

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0f79a1f487f89f77a5549fee66a86328

Matriarch Sudre

A cold hardened lost soul was alone
In universes where kings sat on thrones
But this soul was the real king
In things that no ordinary human can see
The worst part was that he was not familiar with this unatainable thing
His first instict in the unknown was to flee
Little did he know that a bright loving soul would want to save him
A soul that for sure light would bring
He was scared and afraid of breaking the concrete barriers
And that with this beautiful soul he might into love stagger
Strong in mind, but unfamiliar in emotion
He sat aside and pondered his devotion
He might lose his strength to keep everyone out
But what would happen if he starts to doubt
Doubt the existance of true love
Which makes you fly higher above
Above all troubles and darkness
Which may make him a fighter and relentless
A fighter to live and not hide in his own shame
The same that enveloped his bitter pain
This light that touched his soul so profoundly
May bring his shattered soul to rest silently
Without any shattered or yelling voices
He would be able to make his own choices
Not be in such darkened pain that he never wanted to stand up ever again
This lightly and beautiful soul might just be his first real friend
The bright light touched his darkened painful soul
With a soft glowing and remarkable touch there was only one goal
To release him from his sorrow
And love from this strong soul he will borrow
There is finally hope
Hope to finally cope
With this ugly beast called regret and pain
But finally it feels like something from this light was gain
He will once more sit next to kings
And loyalty and truth he will bring.

Sit down blessed king and teach what you have lived
Teach another broken soul to be loved
Raise king
Cause for everyone hope you will bring Rise...

Rise... #poem

5 Love

0f79a1f487f89f77a5549fee66a86328

Matriarch Sudre

Someday ill be truer to who i am
All negativity i will band
I have to press through everyday
For in love and life there is no shame
I will become a force to recon with
I will be the light that needs to live
Damned and destroyed are those who apose 
For salvation from me is not for those
I will someday fight for what i deserve
For my love and loyalty i will reserve
I will conquer my dreams 
And break through the mentality seams
Dont waste time on idle arguments
For those people are not in your life permanent
Someday ill be the woman i needed to be

But for now ill just be lame old me Someday

Someday #poem

6 Love

0f79a1f487f89f77a5549fee66a86328

Matriarch Sudre

Strong is the heart that keeps fighting
Even though there is no sliver of lightning
Strong is the heart that keeps forgiving
Even if no apology was given for relieving
The pain the words that was been spoken
The pain that left a beautiful heart broken
Strong is the heart that suffers in silence
Who again trust peoples reliance
Strong is the heart that cries alone
Who still smiles strongly like a stone

Strong is a heart that keeps trusting
Even if the world passes by so rushing
Strong is the heart that keeps hoping
That keeps fight to everyday just coping

Strong is a broken heart in a strong woman. Strong heart

Strong heart #poem

6 Love

0f79a1f487f89f77a5549fee66a86328

Matriarch Sudre

I miss  Sometimes I feel broken and lonely
Distraught and gloomy
Sometimes I'm so buried under stress
Overwhelmed and depressed
Sometimes i forget
Sometimes i have regrets
Sometimes i doubt myself and my existence
Sometimes i even keep my self from some experience
I love so deeply and hard and passionately
I get scared for not being loved back the same way regretfully
I have dreams and wishes that I chase
And I'll do anything to get it in a haste
I don't trust easy 
And sometimes act a bit greedy
I'm not perfect and don't try to be
I'm just trying to be the best version of me Sometimes

Sometimes #poem

5 Love

0f79a1f487f89f77a5549fee66a86328

Matriarch Sudre

You dont have any clue
Or any idea how to be on que
You say im not fair
That i apparently just dont care
That im heartless
And full of retardness
You assume and blame my innocence 
Only just for my inconvenience 
Its like you just dont get about me being upset
Having so much regret
For making wrong decisions
That left deep, dark, painful incisions 
In the start i trusted you
Didnt at all see you as a fool
I believed in things
And in horses with wings
I believed in God
And in soul wars i wouldve fought
I dreamed of fairy tales
And with a good heart nothing fails
You took all of this from me
And reality i started to see
You took so much from me
And each time it felt like you glowed with more glee
So proud of making my life miserable
While i tried to be desirable 
I failed you over and over again
So i started to repent
I repented for believing in a fairy tale
And for every dream i wished would not fail
Im lost in emostion
And my soul is covered in corrusion
I feel mad at you
For making me a diffrent person so soon
Im mad at you treating me like a fool
Letting me feel like a bad person
As if i belong forever in prison
Im confused
And my heart feels abused
I know you say im selfish
And too full of my own prideness
But you made my family dislike you
And leaving me without a clue
I just dont know anymore
What that attitude from you were all for
I tried my utmost best to change your ways
But instead it just left me more afraid, furious and astray
I dont forget easily
And still you let me feel greedily
I wanted to let everyone see
That your not the person that they believe
I tried to make you happy
But instead everything became sappy
We started figting more
And became even worse with hateful gore
I didnt want to live like that 
So i moved and got a flat
Im trying so hard to make sense
Of this useless, abusive and sad trend
But im broken and unrepaired
And i feel hopeless and like never again i will care
Like you want to make me believe
Just so again i can be deceived
I just dont believe anything you say
Or that for always perfect things will stay
I heard you say and do this before
And it just left me dissapointed and sore
How do you want me to get over all this
If you just keep on showing me no bliss
I wish i could make you understand 
Just make you comprehend... You have no clue

You have no clue

4 Love

0f79a1f487f89f77a5549fee66a86328

Matriarch Sudre

Mad I have a messed up confession 
I have a desperate obsession 
An obsession with a man from gold and silver dust 
That makes every nerve in my body tingle with lust. 
He is made up of dreams and hopes Inter twining and wrapping around me like ropes 
I’m lost and desperate 
These unknown emotions I can’t interpret 
I feel like I am busy going insane 
Never in my life did I feel so damn lame Hopeless and lost in this mental insanity All that I wish for now is clarity 
Why now? 
And how? 
How am I suppose to get through this maze of unknown feelings 
What kind of devil dealings 
Can I make to forget and suppress 
This memory and vision in my head expressed 
Your beautiful face running through my mind 
Like a hungry dog trying for a piece of bread to find 
How can I have any believe or culture This obsession to be near you, clawing at me like a hungry vulture 
I suddenly feel lost and empty 
A deadly virus got a hold of me that has no remedy 
Broken, confused and frustrated 
The pain I feel is clearly in my eyes illustrated 
I lost you before I could’ve even had the pleasure of having you 
I lost the battle before I could’ve even tried fighting 
Now I am standing here alone and sad looking like a sadistic fool 
Each thought of you painfully striking You are not mine to find I catch myself constantly trying to remind 
You are everything I ever dreamed of my whole life 
But now as unfair and hateful this world is I have let go for you to strive 
Let go the one and only thing I ever so desperately craved and yearn for 
Another beautiful broken soul I have to watch walk out the door 
Narcissist is my damn life 
Optimist is what I’m so hopelessly trying to strive 
Sadistic is how my mind feels for not having you 
Realist is so damn unfortunate, but relevantly always true 
Confusion is my way of living now 
For I have found at last what I have always begged for 
But lost like a beautiful lady lost her youth on a single deep frown 
You were thrown at me like a tempting deceitful lure 
Just so I can be caught off guard once again by this dreadful world 
This is so wrong, so unfair it makes me feel so icy... so cold 
Please remember me I scold at the dark cold sky 
Pleading that these words will be whispered close to you 
Shouting at the stars for not letting me be the one who next to you lie 
Cursing the gods that allowed me to live this cursed dreadful live like a stupid fool Beautiful, I have waited, begged and pleaded for you since I can remember But again I have lost and lay down my guns to surrender 
I have fought many inner secluded private wars with this world 
But this war with you was unfair and ended like a horror movie with a lot of gore. 
Please forgive me for sounding so dramatic, my dream 
But inside I want to disintegrate into dust and my heart wants to scream 
I knew you before I even were aware of your existence 
And now knowing you belong to someone else is an utter cruel acceptance 
How am I to live now knowing that my dream, my wish, my heart desire is reality But not mine to hold tight, kiss good night or be my true clarity 
This feels like a sick joke 
Like the gods held my heart and watched it slowly broke 
Laughing at the ridiculous helpless tears that fell from my eyes 
Like stars slowly falling from the night skies 
This pain is excruciating 
And I am honestly trying so damn hard to try and smile 
Not to allow anyone from insinuating 
But this smile feels like a slithering cold reptile 
Thinking of you is like attempting suicide Like a cold sharp blade over and over again over my heart slide 
This is hurting me more than I have hurt in a long time Messed up confession

Messed up confession

3 Love

0f79a1f487f89f77a5549fee66a86328

Matriarch Sudre

I have been lost more times
Than there were unsolved crimes
I have been in darkness
And bound to eternity of unwilling distress
I hated my life more than winter were dispised
I have more chocking pride than a CEO of a huge enterprise

And all of this hateful and distasteful feelings
Is just because of me wanting to feel full of giggling
Giggling from being so engulfed in beautiful, pure love
Love that made me feel free like a dove
That made me feel like dancing on luscious clouds
That made me hear people speak in beautiful sounds

Someone to except me for the weird girl i am
And not expecting me to be like every other Sam
That entertained my fantasy and mythical thoughts 
Just to hear me giggle and found dat as cute sports
That wondered around with me when we were alone
In a land of dreams and mystic where we  sat in thrones
I may be an adult, but found my way of thinking the one thing that made him love me even more
That understood why i hated horrors and gore
That hugged and kissed me just because he felt a longing need 
That did unexpected romantic deeds
That didnt expect much from me
But just in his arms and heart to be

I want him to laugh with me and have fun with me
And ravish ourselfs with silly things in total glee
That respects people and has compassion 
Everything he does is with eager passion
That fills his time with productive things to do
Or just have lazy days with me and a dvd or two

Is that too much to ask
Is there a guy like this on my way to pass
Is there men like this still out there
And if there is, why have i not received my one of the share

I will be so loyal, good, loving and fun
If you will only treat me like im your one and only sun What i need in a man

What i need in a man #poem

8 Love

0f79a1f487f89f77a5549fee66a86328

Matriarch Sudre

They giggle and laugh and skip along
A land of imagination they are from
They play on the wind as it blows
And they never want to go slow

The wind carry them through the leaves
What a sensational lovely breeze
The leaves rustles with laughter
Cos the fairies plays and laughs as they go
Hither, thither, forward and fro, thats how they go

This is the only time the old oak smiles
Is when the fairies and his leaves inter twine
Old oak has been here for over a 100 years
And this old oak has nothing left of tears

Hes only happiness is this play days
Never the less his thoughts also sometimes strays
As the sun's smoothing warmth whispers 
And the dew falls all crisper

Old oak is an old soul and seen so many things
So many things come and go as whisping flings
But fairies dancing and laughing in his branches
Provides him with moments of pleasure in pure glances Old oak

Old oak #poem

5 Love

0f79a1f487f89f77a5549fee66a86328

Matriarch Sudre

You dont have any clue
Or any idea how to be on que
You say im not fair
That i apparently just dont care
That im heartless
And full of retardness
You assume and blame my innocence 
Only just for my inconvenience 
Its like you just dont get about me being upset
Having so much regret
For making wrong decisions
That left deep, dark, painful incisions 
In the start i trusted you
Didnt at all see you as a fool
I believed in things
And in horses with wings
I believed in God
And in soul wars i wouldve fought
I dreamed of fairy tales
And with a good heart nothing fails
You took all of this from me
And reality i started to see
You took so much from me
And each time it felt like you glowed with more glee
So proud of making my life miserable
While i tried to be desirable 
I failed you over and over again
So i started to repent
I repented for believing in a fairy tale
And for every dream i wished would not fail
Im lost in emostion
And my soul is covered in corrusion
I feel mad at you
For making me a diffrent person so soon
Im mad at you treating me like a fool
Letting me feel like a bad person
As if i belong forever in prison
Im confused
And my heart feels abused
I know you say im selfish
And too full of my own prideness
But you made my family dislike you
And leaving me without a clue
I just dont know anymore
What that attitude from you were all for
I tried my utmost best to change your ways
But instead it just left me more afraid, furious and astray
I dont forget easily
And still you let me feel greedily
I wanted to let everyone see
That your not the person that they believe
I tried to make you happy
But instead everything became sappy
We started figting more
And became even worse with hateful gore
I didnt want to live like that 
So i moved and got a flat
Im trying so hard to make sense
Of this useless, abusive and sad trend
But im broken and unrepaired
And i feel hopeless and like never again i will care
Like you want to make me believe
Just so again i can be deceived
I just dont believe anything you say
Or that for always perfect things will stay
I heard you say and do this before
And it just left me dissapointed and sore
How do you want me to get over all this
If you just keep on showing me no bliss
I wish i could make you understand 
Just make you comprehend... You have no clue

You have no clue #poem

4 Love

0f79a1f487f89f77a5549fee66a86328

Matriarch Sudre

I have a messed up confession 
I have a desperate obsession 
An obsession with a man from gold and silver dust 
That makes every nerve in my body tingle with lust. 
He is made up of dreams and hopes Inter twining and wrapping around me like ropes 
I’m lost and desperate 
These unknown emotions I can’t interpret 
I feel like I am busy going insane 
Never in my life did I feel so damn lame Hopeless and lost in this mental insanity All that I wish for now is clarity 
Why now? 
And how? 
How am I suppose to get through this maze of unknown feelings 
What kind of devil dealings 
Can I make to forget and suppress 
This memory and vision in my head expressed 
Your beautiful face running through my mind 
Like a hungry dog trying for a piece of bread to find 
How can I have any believe or culture This obsession to be near you, clawing at me like a hungry vulture 
I suddenly feel lost and empty 
A deadly virus got a hold of me that has no remedy 
Broken, confused and frustrated 
The pain I feel is clearly in my eyes illustrated 
I lost you before I could’ve even had the pleasure of having you 
I lost the battle before I could’ve even tried fighting 
Now I am standing here alone and sad looking like a sadistic fool 
Each thought of you painfully striking You are not mine to find I catch myself constantly trying to remind 
You are everything I ever dreamed of my whole life 
But now as unfair and hateful this world is I have let go for you to strive 
Let go the one and only thing I ever so desperately craved and yearn for 
Another beautiful broken soul I have to watch walk out the door 
Narcissist is my damn life 
Optimist is what I’m so hopelessly trying to strive 
Sadistic is how my mind feels for not having you 
Realist is so damn unfortunate, but relevantly always true 
Confusion is my way of living now 
For I have found at last what I have always begged for 
But lost like a beautiful lady lost her youth on a single deep frown 
You were thrown at me like a tempting deceitful lure 
Just so I can be caught off guard once again by this dreadful world 
This is so wrong, so unfair it makes me feel so icy... so cold 
Please remember me I scold at the dark cold sky 
Pleading that these words will be whispered close to you 
Shouting at the stars for not letting me be the one who next to you lie 
Cursing the gods that allowed me to live this cursed dreadful live like a stupid fool Beautiful, I have waited, begged and pleaded for you since I can remember But again I have lost and lay down my guns to surrender 
I have fought many inner secluded private wars with this world 
But this war with you was unfair and ended like a horror movie with a lot of gore. 
Please forgive me for sounding so dramatic, my dream 
But inside I want to disintegrate into dust and my heart wants to scream 
I knew you before I even were aware of your existence 
And now knowing you belong to someone else is an utter cruel acceptance 
How am I to live now knowing that my dream, my wish, my heart desire is reality But not mine to hold tight, kiss good night or be my true clarity 
This feels like a sick joke 
Like the gods held my heart and watched it slowly broke 
Laughing at the ridiculous helpless tears that fell from my eyes 
Like stars slowly falling from the night skies 
This pain is excruciating 
And I am honestly trying so damn hard to try and smile 
Not to allow anyone from insinuating 
But this smile feels like a slithering cold reptile 
Thinking of you is like attempting suicide Like a cold sharp blade over and over again over my heart slide 
This is hurting me more than I have hurt in a long time Messed up confession

Messed up confession #poem

4 Love

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