When you're not good enough...
When you're not good enough people tend to brush you off. They take you for granted and think of you as weak. When you're not good enough you are like the ugly duckling. No one seems to care that you can't keep up and just continue on without you. Leaving you lost and alone. If I was good enough he wouldn't stay up till 3am, isolating himself in the living room. If I was good enough, he wouldn't let me feel so low about myself. If I was good enough...the question is when will i be good enough? Will I be good enough if I lose weight? Will I be good enough if I start doing my hair and makeup? Will I be good enough if I just erase all my emotions? That's the big question...when will I be good enough. The feeling of not being good enough is not just from inside. You see that feeling is a weed inside your heart and the more people use and abuse you, the more it grows. So I don't feel like I'm good enough most of my days. No one, not even him seems to understand that its the little things that kill me. Its constant anxiety, the insecurities that eat me up inside. Don't you think someone would try to raise me up, lift my spirits...take a weed killer to this I'm not good enough within? No...not even him. You see me and him are like room mates. Because we don't act like an item, we don't treat each other like we are together. Bending over backwards for him because I don't feel good enough. Maybe today will be different, maybe today i will be good enough. But its never enough. I'm always in the wrong, the one who is making the mistakes. I'm just not good enough.
Being with someone you love is intoxicating. Drunk off the gitty feeling you have inside. Your true inner self will shine through. Whether is be your spouse, family member, your child, or even a beloved pet. Although, being with a loved one is not always this feeling of drunking happiness. We have to remember the feeling that comes after being in this intoxicating state of mind. You see in the moment, everything with them is perfect and happy. People have disagreements and fight. This is the hangover. The nauseating feeling in the pit of your stomach. The throbbing headache that just won't go away without the assitance of ibuprofen and a glass of water. Being with a loved one is complicated and challenging. At the end of the day we all want to be with someone we love. We just have to make sure that the particular person is worth the hangover that will follow after the fun is gone.
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