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Why do I love a girl who made it clear that she doesn't and even though another great girl love me but I don't have the same feelings for her and I still miss my ex everyday and each day, it's been 10 years, I tell people that I moved on but I didn't, why?
This question was asked in Quora(Quora is social media app where people ask questions and get answers) to me by probably not an Indian
Read the answer below
Well, you have some serious issues
You should be consulting with a very good psychologist or psychiatrist instead questioning here on Quora.
This is not a laughing matter, you have issues buddy, as you said it's been 10 years!!!!
I know plenty of men who has the same experience as you have so you are not the odd man but they would have moved on by now and even if they aren't attracted to this current girl, they would go out with different girl to give himself fair chance and also tell this current girl the truth lightly as it could break her heart as well
Question yourself (although you may have already done everything but you seem to me the kind of person who might not)-
Why do I love her?
Why do I only love her?
Why do I feel I can't survive without her?
Do I believe too much on this soul mate crap?
Have I seen too much rom com?
Am I a very unrealistic person?
Why doesn't she feel the same way about me?
What is wrong with me?
Am I ugly?
Am I an unemployed person?
Am I out of shape?
Don't I have any sex appeal?
Why am I not attracted to this current girl?
Is it because she is ugly?
Is it because she doesn't have any sex appeal?
Is it because she doesn't know how to be romantic?
Am I some kind of love sick obsessed dick?
Now let me explain your type of male brain (I don't know you personally so let me go all the way, you can choose yourself, which is possible for you)-
You believe too much on this soul mate bullshit, buddy, subconsciously or consciously
This is why you are programmed to obsessed over her even though she clearly stated otherwise.
You probably have some kind of wild fantasy with her and it is so strong in your brain (it relaxes you, it gives you extraordinary peace) that you can't help but think about her everyday as it never fullfiled, in reality you will be disappointed more likely even if you are with her
You believed this fantasy of yours is only possible with that girl, this current girl doesn't even belong in the same league
Or you have a very simple fantasy with her, as it could be nothing to with sex but everything else like cooking with her, sharing stuff with her, cleaning with her, going to places with her, laughing with her, the way she looks at you, it isn't possible with others
You believe she understands you better than any other person or you don't want anyone to understand you as you feel either it could be better than her and you might forget her and you don't want that or she will not measure up
Maybe she left you because she knows you well
Have you ever thought about that?
Now I am guessing that you are not too outrageously ugly otherwise another girl who could be very ugly as well wouldn't have any feelings for you as she also doesn't have much options it seems, anyone else would have moved on by now knowing your obsession about that girl but she still here and that tells me she doesn't have much have options and ugly and you are incredibly lucky idiot
Now you don't have to settle with a girl that you don't have any feelings
But have you checked yourself infront of mirror?
Are you some kind of Tom Cruise?
I am guessing that you are not
But no-one is but they don't have this kind of unhealthy obsession with one girl either
Do you feel that you have some other skills like to make her laugh or something??
Let's get one thing straight-
You are wrong in so many occasions-
There's no such thing as soulmate in real world that only exists in rom com, either you have an wonderful chemistry with a wonderful girl that you are lucky to find or you grew into that eventually after some point of time, now this is what happens in real life
Unless you are one of those picking up girls type and regularly sleep with girl, speaking from personal experience those men lie a lot, they don't pick up as much girls as much as we are told, they go most nights alone, I know from experience
These men constantly groomed themselves and learning new ways to pick up girls, are you doing any of these things??
Girls generally like men who are well behaved, have good hygiene, but they also know who is a pick up artist, have a good job, stable personality, so that they can have a future with them
Those girls who are just trying to have sex, they also don't go for desperate people, they could go for badasses to thrill themselves as it is one night stand but it is just sex for one night and they also knows how to make sure that it doesn't turn into anything more than that, and if you are thinking otherwise, let me tell you don't, it won't, people are more capable of handling their emotions than you might expect so they would seem more cold than you expect, is something like that happened with you involving that girl?
A reality check for you buddy, real life is nothing like romantic movie, even if you are with your so called soulmates, you are going to have problems, I mean ugly problems, you need to adjust to each other, and if you are not with your so called soul mate, it's not that bad either, you will have a lot of unexpected surprise, it could be something that is beyond your expectation, you might end up having better experience than your wildest imagination
And what is this obsession with one Girl?? She is a human being with two boobs and one vagina, other Girls also have that, how do you know that they are not good enough for you? How do you know about everything about everything? Are you some kind of all knowing God? You are treating one girl as some kind of superior angel over others and insulting rest of girl population in the process, this is not very rational thinking
I think real problem is with you not whether she loves you back but you like being in this obsession with her, you like this whole process which is why even 10 years have not changed anything for you
This is why I told you about consulting with a psychologist or psychiatrist in the first place
You might not be in love with that girl
You are in love with this obsession of yours
Yeah, don't get surprised
This could very well be the real truth
Buddy, nothing is impossible, you can get out of this unhealthy obsession and move on and be happy with your life
You just need to give yourself a proper chance
Whenever you feel you are missing her, do these-
Involve yourself with positive, constructive work
You could involve yourself with some organisations that helps the poor people, helping the needy can be great peaceful and heavenly feelings, nothing can beat that, you will start to see the world differently
Groom yourself constantly
Go to gym
Go to dates
Meet as much as girls as possible
Don't expect anything, in dating world rejection is normal, you are only going for experience and to keep yourself busy, don't talk about ex in dates, treat her well, just have fun nothing more, again don't expect anything, just have fun, anything is possible
You will get over her
She isn't some special girl but just another one
You are special as well
You deserve better
I am a girl
But I am considered as the grass lying beside the path,
which is destined to be tread on
by a blind man
That blind is known as "customs".
I am a girl
But I am considerd as a Can lying on the street
destined to be kicked off
by a drunkard
That drunkard is called "society"
I am a girl
But I am considered as a blank wall
destined to bear all sorts of posters on me
those posters read " Be an idol daughter, sister,mother and wife."
I am a girl
But I am considered as a leaf lying on the ground
destined to be stamped by the traveller and left on with
dark foot marks behind
That traveller is termed as "rapist."
I am a girl
But I am considered as a flower
destined to be kept in temples by priests and then be thrown in drains
These priests are called "Fosters"
I am a girl
But I am treated as a property
destined to be bought and sold
by some heartless dealers
These dealers are termed as " traffickers"
I am a girl
But I am treated as a bird
destined to be caged forever
I am a girl
But I am treated as multifunctional machine, child bearing, homemaking,
or any thing you say like roti maker, puri maker and what not..
But mere machine... With no feelings
but just being used for the purpose
and not even being appreciated..
why beause you think this is my job
my so called "duty".. and what's yours?
I am a girl
And I am treated as every other object
In this world
except a girl..
But I am a girl
Just a girl
and now i no more will be
puppet of these "tags."
i no more will follow this
Blind idolism and
sacrifice my everything for you
for you my husband
for you my brother
for you my father
I tried being your Idol type
But I am not, I am sorry I am not
I Could no more bear your expectations
Of an idol girl I am sorry
I am sorry I am not a machine
I am not some object that will accept your disgrace, I am not that goat lying on that table to be sacrificed. I am a girl, and I am proud of it, I cannot fit in your idol image of a girl, I cannot fit in as the Goddess you worship on Ashtami and then be kept outside the temple like shoes when on my periods, I cannot be an object you expect me to be... I am a girl, just a girl and thats what you all need to see....
Blooming Colors And A Bit Of Magic: Wallpapers To Get Your Ideas Springing (April 2017 Edition)
April Food’s Day
“Prank your friends with caution.” — Designed by foodpanda Singapore from Singapore.
“April – its first day reminds us that laughter makes life better. Nature also laughs, but it does so in daisies!” — Designed by Ana Masnikosa from Belgrade, Serbia.
Be Happy Bee
“Smell of spring flowers, especially daisies and open landscapes, the joy of freedom :)” — Designed by Kiraly Tamas from Romania.
Designed by Nathalie Ouederni from France.
Colors Of April
“My daughter was born in April so this month reminds me of that colorful, bright and precious moment.” — Designed by Izabela Grzegorczyk from Poland.
April Is The Nicest Month
“T.S. Eliot wrote in 1922 that ‘April is the cruelest month,’ but we quite disagree. April is the month when spring has finally come so nature starts blooming, providing us with more time to go out into the nature and enjoy nice weather, long walks, and riding a bike. This is our message to you: go out and play. We surely will.” — Designed by PopArt Studio from Serbia.
“This bad bunny is just waiting for Easter. :)” — Designed by Izabela from Poland.
“April is magical. April is musical. April is mesmerizing. April is the International Month of Guitar. Let this calendar make it special.” — Designed by ColorMean Creative Studio from Dubai, United Arab Emirates
“A tribute to Hans Christian Andersen. Happy Birthday!” — Designed by Roxi Nastase from Romania.
Designed by Tazi Design from Australia.
“I designed this wallpaper combining both the sunny and the rainy weather. April, here in Italy, is synonymous with flowers and fun, and we can enjoy the first hot days after winter; but it’s also damn rainy! So I just brought all together and made my ‘Funshower’, a funny pun!” — Designed by Stefano Marchini from Italy.
“When I think of spring, I think of little chickens playing in the field. They always look so happy. I just bought 3 new little chickens, and they are super cute. So enjoy this wallpaper, and enjoy spring.” — Designed by Melissa Bogemans from Belgium.
“This whimsical black and white design was inspired by the recent arrival of my daughter! Welcome to the world little one!” — Designed by Rachel from the United States.
Once Upon A Time
“April is the month of Spring but also the month of books. ‘A book is a proof that humans are capable of doing magic.’ (Carl Sagan)” — Designed by Verónica Valenzuela from Spain
Home Sweet Home
“A smiling earth is how I wish to think of my home planet. I like to believe that whenever a plantling gets its root deep into the soil, or when a dolphin jumps out of the water, the earth must be getting tickled, bringing a wide grin on its face. So this World Earth Day, let’s promote afforestation, protect the wildlife and its habitat. Let’s make the earth smile forever.” — Designed by Acodez IT Solutions from India.
“April showers bring May flowers, and what better way to enjoy rainy weather than to get stuck in a surreal book, in a comfy nook, with a kettle of tea!” — Designed by Brooke Coraldi from the United States.
The Kite Festival
“Every year, Washington DC’s Kite Festival is a welcome sight in spring. The National Mall is transformed by colorful serpents, butterflies, and homemade winged crafts and by the families who come from across the city to enjoy their aerial stunts over a picnic at the base of the Washington Monument.” — Designed by Dawn Washelesky from Washington, DC.
“This month is International Guitar Month! Time to get out your guitar and play. As a graphic designer/illustrator seeing all the variations of guitar shapes begs to be used for a fun design. Search the guitar shapes represented and see if you see one similar to yours, or see if you can identify some of the different styles that some famous guitarists have played (BTW, Prince’s guitar is in there and purple is just a cool color).” — Designed by Karen Frolo from the United States.
We Could All Be Happy
“I believe that Earth is something that we take for granted. We need to start taking care of our home, after all if the Earth is not OK, we won’t be.” — Designed by Maria Keller from Mexico.
“Spring revives nature, so I designed a wallpaper with a cute little fairy who awakens plants.” — Designed by Hushlenko Antonina from Ukraine.
The Magic Of Spring
“The sun just touched the morning; The morning, happy thing, Supposed that he had come to dwell, And life would be all spring. (Emily Dickinson)” — Designed by Suman Sil from India
“Spring is a great time to photograph nature because everything is green and full of new life. Like spring, a sunrise is also the start of something new.” — Designed by Marc Andre from the United States.
What Does The Fox Say?
Designed by Doud – Elise Vanoorbeek from Belgium.
Spring Is In The Air
“‘When all the world appears to be in a tumult, and nature itself is feeling the assault of climate change, the seasons retain their essential rhythm. Yes, fall gives us a premonition of winter, but then, winter, will be forced to relent, once again, to the new beginnings of soft greens, longer light, and the sweet air of spring.‘ (Madeleine M. Kunin)” — Designed by Dipanjan Karmakar from India.
“My calendar is an illustration of the old proverb ‘April showers bring May flowers’. I always look forward to the end of that transition.” — Designed by Caitey Kennedy from the United States.
“Design is a community. Each one of these creators found their way into my consciousness as idea-catalysts. This is my way of thanking them and so I’m excited to bring this set to the greater design community. However these are used, my aim is to pay tribute to these sixteen and drive baby-steppers to great inspirers.” — Designed by Juliane Bone from California.
“Spring is the beginning of everything, is the nature being reborn. The word ‘April’ is derived from the Latin word ‘aperire’ meaning ‘to open’, which is exactly what the bud in my photo does – it opens. April invites everyone to open their hearts and minds to all things new starting with flowers and trees and going all the way to animals. This is my April.” — Designed by Oana Galbenu from Romania.
Flowers On The Wall
“It is time for more colour in our life! After this cold and dark winter, we have to paint our minds or better our walls. Flower power everywhere!” — Designed by Sabrina Lobien from Germany.
“The most beautiful flowers are in bloom around my neighborhood, and I get this little tune stuck in my head every time I go for a walk. I thought it would be perfect for a bright watercolor-styled design!” — Designed by Alyson Sherrard from Pensacola, Florida.
The Brighter Side Of Life
“Sometimes when you are out and about you see something that captures your attention. It does not have to be anything spectacular, but you know that you want to remember it at that specific point in time. No matter how busy you are, stop and see the flowers.” — Designed by Kris G from the USA.
Happy Birthday Hans!
“April the 2nd is Hans Christian Andersen’s birthday. Hans is most famous for his magical fairy tales, such as ‘The Little Mermaid’, ‘The Princess and the Pea’ and ‘Thumbelina’. I always loved the tale of Thumbelina, so I created this wallpaper for Hans!” - Designed by Safia Begum from the United Kingdom.
Easter Is Coming
“Easter is coming and what could be more Easter-like as a paschal lamb or maybe two.” — Designed by Sabrina Lobien from Germany.