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How to Attain Victory Over Anger
Just as you learn to keep accounts, and when you learn the key elements of accounting then tracking becomes very easy. Similarly there is a main point, the key element, the root of every question, and if you learn this then the answer to that question will automatically come to you.The question that has come is that how to attain victory over anger? Then the question really is, where does anger come from? Gita says - “Anger comes from desire” - “kaamaatkrodhaayabhijaayate” (Gita 2/62). What is that anger? Human beings have understood that “desires are for money, wealth, grandeur, power, etc.” - These are also desires, but what is the main and real desire? “This should happen and this should not happen” - the name of this subtle want within is called “desire”.
First you hold on to the point that “this should certainly happen” and when that does not happen, then you become angry. And “This should not happen” and when someone does that or does something opposing to your wishes, then you get angry. This should happen and this should not happen, this is the root of all anger.
There is no gain in desiring that it should happen like this, or it should not happen like this; because will the world ask us before doing something? Will they do according to your liking? You want from your wife, son and servant that they should listen to you, then do they not wish the same of you? If they have nothing on their mind then they will do as you say, but in their minds too there is that thought that “ I will do it this way or not do it this way” then how will they listen only to you? When you too are not willing to listen to how they want things done, then what rights do you have that they should listen to your ways? Therefore when the feeling arises within that “This should happen like this and it should not happen like this” - then leave the insistence that the person should do it like that alone. In this insistence is your pride, in other words, I am greater, therefore he should listen to me. This pride of greatness is the main cause, and when things do not happen the way you want, then that pride itself comes in the form of anger.
If you desire peace then give up pride; because pride is the root of all the demoniac qualities. In the shadow of pride of greatness lies all the demoniac qualities of Kaliyug, All the bad qualities pertaining to demoniac qualities such as anger, greed, attachment, jealousy, passion, hypocrisy, deceit etc., they all come under the umbrella of pride, because pride is their king. If you do not give up pride then how will anger go away! Therefore give up that pride.
Now what is the solution for giving it up? Those who do not listen to you, they are helping you in getting rid of your pride, and those who listen and do as you say, they are swelling your pride - are you getting this point or not? The people who are obeying you are not benefiting you as much as, those who don’t do as you say. For you own good, the more that your pride is confronted the more better it is for you. Therefore you must be grateful to those who are not listening to you, because as such this is for our own well-being.
If they knowingly do not listen to you, saying that brother, we are not listening to you because it is for your own good, as your pride will go away, then to it is to your benefit only. They are not further swelling your pride i.e. your pride is not getting further bloated. Do you not wish for what is for your good or do you not? Do you want your spiritual progress or do you want your downfall? If you desire your spiritual growth, then it will be possible only when you are free of pride. And you will become free of pride when no one listens to you. If someone listens to you, then your words become established and this itself is cause for pride. This itself is demoniac tendency - “dambho darpobhimaanashrav krodhah” (Gita 16/4). Therefore those who do not listen to you, they are gracing you immensely. They are removing your demoniac tendencies and instilling divine tendencies in you.
Now the question that has come is that by not listening the child will become insolent and arrogant? By listening to you, you will become filled with pride, and if he does not listen then he will become insolent - now think deeply on these two points. If you are not there, then too by doing as he wants he will become insolent regardless, however how will your pride go away? Insolent he will be regardless of you, but your pride will not go away. Therefore you must get rid of your pride first and the foremost.
Second point is that if you do not dominate over him then your mild nature, that is free from pride will make an impression on him, by which his insolence will go away, rather he will become alright. You say to him that brother, you must not do this sort of work, and even thereafter if he does so, let go and become peaceful and silent. If he behaves insolently, he will get the consequences of his actions. On getting the fruits, he will become alert, and then his insolence will automatically go away. But by your persistent telling, his insolence will not go away as quickly as it would go away from suffering the consequences of his insolent behavior. The reason for this is that in his mind he will hold on to his own points, and what you say will stay superficially on the surface like silver plating. That plating will wear off, then how can his insolence go away entirely? The real solution to getting rid of his insolence is to get rid of your own pride.
If man wants to live in a family, then he must learn how to live in a family. The art of living in the family is that do as they say, do according what their wishes are. Fulfill your duty and make them happy.
What does it mean to live in a family? You have certain obligation to fulfill your duty. What is your duty? To fulfill your duties properly, whether the wife listens, does not listen, whether the son listens, does not listen, whether brother listens, does not listen, whether parents listen, do not listen. Do not ever look towards whether they do their duty or not. When you look towards their duty, and see towards their insolent or rebellious behavior etc., during such times you are deviating from your duty. Rather, you are falling from your duty. As such, where has it been said that your duty is to see towards other’s faults? No where in the scriptures it has been said that you see towards other’s faults; rather it has been said that this world is made up of the three constituents of nature (mode of passion “rajas”, ignorance “tamas” and goodness “sattva”, it is filled with faults.
Gun yah ubhaya na dekhiahin dekhia so abibek ||
(Manas 7/41)If others have good qualities you may see them, but do not see their bad qualities. If you see towards their bad qualities, those qualities will come in you. And on seeing those bad qualities if you are getting angry with them to rescue them from their willful acts, then you cannot be saved from that anger. Therefore you do your duty. We are not to see towards other’s duty, nor are we to see towards their flaws. Yes! If you have a son, then it is your duty to teach him good lessons, but wanting that he should do exactly as you say - that is not your duty. That is his duty. It is not your duty to show him what his duty is. Your duty is only to say that son, look it is not good to do like this. If he says - “no, no father, I will do it like this”; then say – “OK, do it that way!” This is a very good medicine. I too am taking this medicine. The medicine that has been given, is a very effective medicine. If you say – “Do like this” and if he says, “No ! I will do like that only.” Then
simply say – “OK! do it like that.”Rajjab ros na kijiye koyi kahe kyon hi |
Hasker utter dijiye haa babaji yu hi ||If what he is doing is sinful or unlawful, then do not accept it. We are to say that which is in accordance with the scriptures, however if they do not listen, then do the scriptures say to fight with them or to control them? You only have the rights to tell them what you know to be true, “karmanyavaadhikaaraste” (Gita 2/47) but thinking that they should do exactly as you say - that is the fruit, to which you have no rights. “Maa phaleshu kadaachan” (Gita 2/47). You have done your part, your duty was only to point out. It was not your duty to make then do as you say! To do as you say is their duty. We only have to explain their duty. If they fulfill their duty then there is no obstacle in your spiritual progress and if they do not fulfill their duty then too there is no loss. There is no loss for you at all, because you have said what is for their welfare. This is a priceless point !
Narayana! Narayana !! Narayana !!!
From "Jeevan Upyogi Pravachan " in Hindi by Swami Ramsukhdasji

नारायण ! नारायण ! नारायण !

To read in HINDI:
http://www.satcharcha.blogspot.comTo read in ENGLISH: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sadhakaTo ask questions, send message to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gita-talk

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THE RED HILL’S KING
 
Rise, O Red Hill’s King!
Prep your armies vast.
The demon horde conches the music o’ war.
Here arrives the beastly Son of Satan from South.
 
Your wicked Queen ran away,
Dealt your ancestral Holy Casket to the Beast.
The dark prodigy advances,
An ambition to annex your empire with Hell.
 
Why you drink now, my Lord?
This ain’t no cause of revel, you imbecile.
The royal sages forewarned,
Yet had no impact on your head.
 
O there he comes,
There they lay, your murdered guards.
Red Hill’s besieged,
Enters the Beast in your Royal Court.
 
 
Stomps and shatters your Holy Casket,
Stomps and shatters your peace.
Down on your knees you beg mercy,
Yet Ares directs to war.
 
Draws your sword from your scabbard
And strikes it at the Beast’s belly.
Stands, he, unscathed
And you, my Lord, in horror.
 
Gropes, he, from your hair
And drags you out on battlefield.
The ghastly battalion awaits,
For a sacrifice to Satan’s broth.
 
Your General marches forth aside,
Your army fearlessly behind,
You slice your sword at the Beast’s wrist
And you join your forces to command.
 
The gruesome clash begins,
A battle of Herculean might.
Fearlessly ride, you,
Slaying the monsters of the Beast.
 
Down goes your tower,
Down goes your castle to ruination.
Demonic catapults fire upon your army,
Diminishing your numbers’ might.
 
Unaffected, you charge,
Take the demon Beast head on.
Your General rides along with you,
Your most loyal warrior, a true Lancelot.
 
Down falls your number vast,
Down falls the Beast’s horde,
Your General trips down the usurper,
You strike his chest and splice his heart out.
 
Falls the Beast silent,
Drained off his flesh and blood.
You raise your sword sky-high,
The demon horde bewildered.
 
Retreats down the Hill,
The mighty usurper’s forces,
Take your sword to your reliquary,
A blade carrying the Beast’s heart.
 
Replace your Holy Casket with it,
Display your glory;
Head back to your throne,
And reclaim your inner peace.
 
Rebuilds your castle, brick-by-brick,
Regains your kingdom’s might.
Yet peace is afar,
For the fugitives still revolt.
 
Your remainder army suppresses them,
You rule your kingdom,
But the sky grows dark again,
A new struggle dawns.
 
Enters your General in Royal Court,
Speaks well of you from the commoner’s mouth.
Self’s glory lost amidst,
Exits the Court, this Machiavellian.
 
Enters the reliquary, this fallen comrade,
Takes your glorious blade
And dips the Beast’s heart
In the raging Satan’s flame.
 
Places the burning heart, he,
Into the bony ribs of imprisoned Beast’s remains.
Monster is revived,
A scion of Hell’s vengeance.
 
Rises the Devil Beast,
Snaps the neck of your General, my Lord.
Rises, he, from his dingy cell,
Into his ethereal form.
 
Burns a hole in your castle’s foundation,
Brings it down brick-for-brick.
A quake shakes the ground he walks,
Raises back his army, undead.
 
The demon ghouls march forth,
Revived under their commander,
Numbers regained.
A multitude of Death.
 
Your demeanour broken, my Lord,
Your numbers spent.
Your castle crumbles,
Your kingdom in mortal peril.
 
Ride out, you, to the battlefield,
With your remaining cavalry.
Infantry armed by your inspiration,
And scantily by armour and weapons.
 
Drawn close to each other,
The Beast and you;
A word to propagate upon,
Before the climactic bloodshed.
 
Beast: “Surrender, Red Hill’s King.
Naught hath happened irrevocable.
Surrender thee, and I
Shall make thee, my well-paid herald.”
 
King: “Nay! Thy fiery demon.
Pierce my bosom’s heart,
Mutilate my corpse!
The soul within shall reunite with the Holy Kingdom!”
 
Angrily, the Beast replies:
“Father Satan shall hath
Thy soul as his broth!”
And swings his mace down upon the King.
 
The Red Hill’s King with all his might,
Blocks the charge with his sword.
“Charge!” says you, my Lord,
And your loyal army advances to war.
 
The epic clash begins,
The gruesome war ensues,
Your numbers fully spent,
You retreat to your ruins.
 
Afraid and wounded, you flee,
Sends your last man to West.
Finds a cavern deep below
The ruins of your castle, to hide.
 
Marches forth the Beast
To your hideout.
Pulls you out like a worm from ground,
Drags you back, you cowardly wretch.
 
Tosses you in front of himself,
Orders his ghoulish force at halt.
Challenges your might, your glory,
In a head-on duel.
 
You arm yourself with your renowned blade,
The Beast with his fiery mace.
Prance upon one-another,
To decide this Age’s fate.
 
Valour you show, O mighty Red Hill’s Lord,
But your courage has no impact upon the Beast.
Every scar, every strain upon his body,
Brings you close to Hell’s wrath.
 
Has had enough antics, the Beast,
Strikes you with his mighty mace,
Your armour saves your bosom,
Yet you cough out blood.
 
Strikes, he, down his mace again,
Down upon your back.
You eat the dirt of your soil,
Adulterated by your royal blood.
 
Weary and wounded you lie,
Puddle of blood on the ground.
Choked by your final breaths,
Await you, my Lord, for Hades to embrace you.
 
Mercilessly beats the Beast, you,
No force against him standing.
The conch shells blow again,
Atop the Western hill.
 
The royal army stands firm,
Led by the Empress of West.
War-elephants, cavalry, infantry; all present,
Awaiting their Queen’s express command.
 
The Beast halts his shower of brutality,
Stares determined upon the Empress.
Her army marches forth,
To settle this Age’s final score.
 
The pace quickens of the Empress’ army,
Their cavalry gallops down with vigour.
The pace quickens of the ghoulish army,
All set for Hell’s sacrilege.
 
You, my Lord, find your humungous trumpet,
In the wreckage of your castle,
Makes it massive blow heard to all,
Your final battle cry.
 
The demons and the royals clash,
The Beast takes on the Empress.
So graceful and glorious is she,
Her legends come true to witness.
 
Slices clean the Beast’s legs,
Slices clean his abdomen in upper cut.
The Beast taken aback,
Continues to challenge her glory.
 
Makes their way down, the Empress’ war chariots,
Downhill with their bladed wheels.
Cuts the ghouls in pieces many,
Until the Beast stands solitary.
 
O Red Hill’s King, you
Grab a bow and arrow.
The string pulled with all your strength,
For one last of your move.
 
The Empress knocks down the Beast,
Stabs her blade in his chest.
You, my Lord, fire your arrow,
And blind this raging bull.
 
Drained, you fall incapacitated,
Yet the Beast rises again.
The sky echoes ferocious roars,
Fly down the Royal Winged-Lions of East.
 
Land and prance upon the Beast, they
Gnaw him to his bone.
Their sharp sabres dug in,
More effective than a mortal blade.
 
Chunks of flesh eaten away,
Stands up, the Beast, in a wobbly way.
The Hell’s Serpent constricts from beneath his feet,
Drags him down for his Father’s broth.
 
Lies you, my Lord, within Death’s grasp,
The Empress declares the war won to you.
Peacefully, you fall asleep for eternity,
A smile upon your face.
 
The Empress prays a seat for you in Heaven’s Court,
Takes back your glorious sword as her relic.
Cremates your body upon this war-torn land,
A history to be never subject to oblivion.
 
Comes down from Heaven, the Eternal King,
Down upon the Red Hill.
Annexes your empire to His,
Blesses your soul for afterlife’s journey.
 
Satan looks up at the Eternal King,
Swears vengeance in a soliloquy.
The present’s sunny sky- a canvas,
God smiles and hurls his roaring thunderbolt.
 
-----------X-----------
 

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32 important life lessons from 32 years
Sometimes so many questions accumulate in your head that you just have to find a way to release them. Olesya Novikova, a writer, journalist, blogger, and traveller, recently shared the life lessons which she has discovered over the 32 years of her life so far.Everyone has a fear. Even beautiful, talented, smart, and lucky people. We’re scared to start something new, to go out of our comfort zone, to take a risk, to do something that we never done before. We fear for our families, for our jobs, for our life, and for many other things as well. Fear will always exist. No matter how much experience, confidence, recognition, money or talent you have, you’ll be scared to a greater or lesser degree each time when you conquer a new height or do something new. But this is fine. This means you’re still alive. You have to keep going on. Go through and past your fear, and don’t try to get rid of it.
Changes will keep happening. Stability is illusory. We’re constantly on the move. We keep changing — outwardly and inwardly, and these processes don’t stop even for a second. A sane person doesn’t have the chance to pose the question — to change or not to change? He or she can only answer a different one: ’’Do I have control over these changes that are taking place, and to what extent?’’
’’Quickly’’ means ’’slowly, but without interruption.’’ There’s no need to do something quickly, intensely, or forcefully. Just do it regularly. The most important thing is to keep the rhythm going. Do it little by little, but constantly. And after some time, if you look at it from the outside, it will look like you did it quickly and efficiently.
Create more than you consume.Otherwise, you’ll be left with only a hopeless consumer lifestyle leading to no meaningful conclusion. ’’Everything is good, but there’s nothing good’’. A person must always create something, willingly and with love. This is a formula for good mental health. Curiously, this is the only way to enjoy the pleasure of consumption that won’t destroy the pleasure itself. You can consider this process as a spiritual version of having good metabolism.
Today’’ is what you did and thought yesterday, and ’’tomorrow’’ is what you do and think today. Repeat this phrase like a mantra for as long as you realize that no one else is responsible for the problems you come up against.
There are no guarantees at all. This is a basic rule of the universe which you need to take into account when making all your decisions and preparing all your plans.
The era of sacred knowledge is over.Now, it’s the era of informational hygiene. For several years already, knowledge hasn’t helped any of us achieve anything or attain a meaningful existence. The internet has devalued knowledge. The ability to concentrate on a given task without losing interest is now more important. And this skill is directly affected by the storm of information battering your mind at any given moment. The more verbal ’’garbage’’ is around, the weaker your concentration becomes. The more the thoughts of others circulate in your mind, the harder it is to hear your own voice. The online stream of information weakens your ability to discover yourself.
Joy and pleasure are not the same thing. We never experience real joy while eating a chocolate cake, drinking a glass of wine or smoking a cigarette. We don’t experience joy while buying new shoes or perfume. Let’s call things by their proper names — in these cases, we just get pleasure. And that’s another story. By its nature this feeling is very short-lived, and it’s inextricably linked to further dissatisfaction, boredom, satiety, and the desire for a new portion of pleasure. Don’t be afraid to give up pleasures, be afraid not to experience real joy.Suffering exists. Buddha was right after all. 
Suffering exists. Everybody suffers. Both those who have nothing and those who have everything. Those who don’t suffer in the present will make the transition to a state of pain at a later date. Maybe because of the falling currency or because of a terrorist attack. Maybe because of finding out that someone doesn’t love him or her anymore. Or they’ll get upset because they don’t get a reply to a message they sent, or they don’t earn enough money, or for literally any other reason you can think of. Suffering exists. We will always find a reason to suffer. Just accept it, and do your best to ignore it.
Not everyone can be happy. Can everyone be happy? Yes, sure! But only in theory. In practice, only those who have disciplined their minds can be consistently happy, calm, balanced, and benevolent. Only those whose minds are trained and capable of not worrying about everything around them. Only those who manage to retain a sense of joy not only in agreeable circumstances but also in unpleasant situations. Otherwise, there’s an endless stream of events which will evoke only pain, irritation, and anxiety. And some situations are more serious than others. A person who reacts emotionally to every little incident can never be happy inside.
Joy means retaining a balance in your mind. If somebody had told me this five years ago, I would never have believed it. When you dream all day and night of finding your one true love, creating a family, a well-paid job, an opportunity to work for yourself, to travelk, you think that you know what joy is. At least, what your own joy is. Of course, you can’t always be satisfied with everything. Sometimes you suffer. And this is fine. The most important thing is that you know what to strive for. Looking at your dreams, you realize where your sense of enduring joy comes from. Joy is a state of complete peace of mind, which is achieved by overcoming the blind, automatic reactions of the mind to events. Practising a form of deep meditation is perhaps the only healthy way to discover and attain this state true maturity.
Know the importance of fruit and its physical effects. Fruit is not acidic, it’s alkaline. To divert into science for a second, all kinds of ripe fruit and vegetables have an alkaline reaction, helping to neutralise excess acid in your body. Things like meat, sugar, fat and dairy products have the opposite effect. Not many people know this — try googling it!
’’My body itself knows what is better for it’’ is one of the most insidious mind traps. An alcoholic’s body wants to drink; a smoker’s body dreams of a cigarette; our bodies are always hungry for chocolate and fries. How can the body know what is better? Our minds live by automatic responses that don’t let us make necessary changes; our bodies obey our habits and our chaotic impulses.
Food affects not only your body but also your mind. In the same way that alcohol significantly changes your consciousness, blunting it, certain kinds of food can have a similar effect, but it’s less pronounced and more unconscious. Food can slow down and refocus your thinking process. Moreover, it can weaken your control, your power of awareness, and your clarity of perception. A slightly ’’blurred’’ state of mind becomes a norm for you, so you forget what lightness and clarity actually mean. The most ’’clean’’ kinds of food are fresh fruit, vegetables, cereals, and that which is cooked with a minimum amount of oil, spices, and salt.
You need money only in order not to think about money. Money doesn’t solve the central question of humanity. It don’t make people happy. But the opportunity not to think about money, at least in everyday life, significantly releases energy for something else.
We have more similarities than differences. The value of personal uniqueness is greatly exaggerated. All the answers and solutions have already existed for a long time. In focusing on your own uniqueness, you don’t have the chance to push away your ego and perceive reality with all its real answers.
The best way to stop an addiction is not to have access to the thing your addicted to, at all. It’s impossible to drink one glass of wine if you’re an alcoholic. If you’re trying to quit smoking, you can’t still have a smoke from time to time. You’ll be constantly in a state of mental torture. You’ll go up and down. You’ll always have disruptions. This rule is immutable for all kinds of addiction.
You will never be fully prepared for change. We are never fully prepared for twists of fate or changes. There is always a strong ’’but...’’ and the temptation to postpone changes until a more favorable time. There is no point waiting for complete internal harmony. You just need to make a decision, relying on the thought that ’’it’s high time’’ to get things done.
Life is a book where the first chapters weren’t written by you. Sometimes even the subsequent chapters aren’t either. We’re composed of beliefs and we make up models of the world around us. And this world isn’t just abstract. It’s a concrete office, a house, a street — the places where we spend our life. It’s our friends, colleagues, parents, and the salespeople whom we meet every evening. It’s a news feed on social networks and so-called Facebook friends. We automatically absorb the opinions, positions, and viewpoints of other people. We imbibe them along with the air, regardless of whether we agree with them or not. And when we don’t agree, it’s also a moment of automatic denial. In childhood, this process was completely out of our control. The essence of your personality was forged by other people, and parental input (if it was ever there) wasn’t dominant in this. What and who you consider yourself to be and what you should be afraid to lose, according to some psychologists, is just a mosaic of your environment. There is nothing to lose. Isn’t that great news? At least in that case, you can redraw everything however you like.
A result is a bunch of attempts at something. It’s not a single well-aimed shot. And it’s certainly not just good fortune.
What helped you at one stage may one day prevent you from going on to the next stage. Sometimes it’s important to give up that which has helped you in the past. Here’s an example: rules for small businesses don’t work for huge corporations. It’s impossible to grow without giving up some of the rules, even if they helped you to grow up yesterday. This also applies to your personality, a person’s values, and their plans.
Outside of your comfort zone, there is a discomfort zone. And there’s no flowers and chocolates there. But you have to go there anyway if you want to achieve something.
There is no life without a purpose. The only question is whether you create these purposes yourself or leave it to your instincts to decide them for you.
Laziness doesn’t exist. There are unloved activities, there’s such a thing as a lack of energy and a lack of wide vision and ability to be excited about new perspectives. But there is no such thing as laziness.
You can’t find yourself; you can only create yourself. There is nothing and nobody to look for. You’re always here, in the here and now. Your path is what you have under your feet right now, nothing more — it’s not anywhere else. You can only distinguish between the right path and the wrong one by using your awareness. You pave small, but definite goals. If these goals are determined by others, or if they chaotically grow as a result of duty, it’s not your path. It’s just a bunch of separate episodes of your life.
You don’t need alcohol. At all.
Your unrealized potential will hurt you one day. It’s useless to hide this fact and instead stick inside your comfort zone. As they say, you are responsible for the talent that has been entrusted to you.
Banks should pay you, but not vice versa. This is the only possible way to be financially healthy. Never, never, never buy anything that you haven’t earned enough to pay for. Never. Especially if you want something big. We pay banks not only our money but also our energy. As a result, you don’t have the energy to take that risk and make adventurous plans. Breaking out from such a situation once that decision is taken is hardly going to be possible.
You need to learn how to work under pressure, and how to relax. Every movement requires exertion. If you make this move reluctantly and out of necessity, you’ll spend twice as much energy. In this case, you spend some energy on the physical and mental effort, and the mental stress saps the rest of your energy. That’s why you need to learn how to deal with stress when it appears and how to love it. If you сan put yourself under strain voluntarily, considering it only something positive, you’ll expend much less energy. The second part of success is the ability to relax, to accept things as they are, to let go of your expectations. You can’t move on if you only know how to be stressed, but don’t know how to relax.
’’Yes’’ and ’’no’’ are two answers that you need to learn as soon as possible.Learn how to say ’’yes’’ to situations and people in spite of the absence of guarantees, internal readiness, and changing circumstances. Learn how to say ’’no’’ first of all to yourself: to your weaknesses, your fears, and your selfishness. And only much later, learn how to say ’’no’’ to others.
There’s a difference between great things and good things. The latter you forget about, the former you don’t. A truly creative person is different from someone who simply does his job well. Creators put their tasks above themselves, dissolving their egos in the process. They work consciously and with love, not because of a sense of duty or a lack of choice. A marketer can be a true musician while a proper musician can be just a mediocre craftsman for their entire life.
Every sign that you meet on your way through life can be interpreted in at least three different ways. 1. Maybe this is a real sign! 2. Perhaps there are no signs at all. 3. Maybe this is a test. Maybe fate just attempted to knock you out of your stride by testing the sincerity of your intentions and your decisions.

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"VICTIM OF RAPE.. I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me. It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired. Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed? What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus. It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that. My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home. The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself. My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon. As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue. I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together. And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind. Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T. But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different. Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning. I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward. Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room. Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded. I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean. I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years. Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought. The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one. TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way. Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily. It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word. I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend. After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God. We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT. I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me. WHY? WHY?? WHY??? All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom. Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone. In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling. Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that. Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself. I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members). I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent. Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place. Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders. After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness. I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me. She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration. “Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?" “Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues." "Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?" “Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?" "Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family." "Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships." "This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure." “Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way." "Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins." "You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities? I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX! Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it. It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered. The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape. Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all. In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail. Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant." I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God. Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn. Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on. Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now. We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape. Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name. Jesus is the solution to all situation. I'm Winnie making impact. I say NO to rape. I say NO to suicide. Yes to freedom in Christ. I help singles lead godly healthy relationship. I Write, Speak and Advocate. ©Winnie Ene Louisa"

VICTIM OF RAPE..

I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé  suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me.

It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired.

Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed? 

What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus.

It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that.

My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home.

The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself.

My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon.

As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue.

I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together.

And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind.

Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T.

But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different. 

Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning.

I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward.

Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room.

Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded.

I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean.

I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years.

Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought.

The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one.

TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way. 

Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily. 

It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word.

I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend.

After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God.

We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT. 

I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me.

WHY?                 WHY??                 WHY???

All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom.

Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone.

In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling.

Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that.

Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself.

I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members).

I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent.

Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place.

Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders.

After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness.

I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me.

She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration. 

“Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?"

“Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues."

"Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?"

“Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?" 

"Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family."

"Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships."

"This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure."

“Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way."

"Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins."

"You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities?

I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX!  Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it. 

It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered.

The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape. 

Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all.

In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail. 

Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant."

I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God. 

Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn.

Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on.

Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now.

We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape. 

Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name.

Jesus is the solution to all situation.

I'm Winnie making impact.

I say NO to rape.

I say NO to suicide.

Yes to freedom in  Christ.

I help singles lead godly healthy relationship.

I Write, Speak and Advocate.

©Winnie Ene Louisa

#Saynotorape
#saynotosexualabuse
#saynotosuicide

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VICTIM OF RAPE..

I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me.

It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired.

Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed?

What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus.

It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that.

My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home.

The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself.

My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon.

As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue.

I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together.

And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind.

Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T.

But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different.

Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning.

I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward.

Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room.

Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded.

I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean.

I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years.

Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought.

The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one.

TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way.

Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily.

It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word.

I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend.

After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God.

We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT.

I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me.

WHY? WHY?? WHY???

All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom.

Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone.

In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling.

Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that.

Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself.

I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members).

I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent.

Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place.

Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders.

After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness.

I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me.

She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration.

“Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?"

“Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues."

"Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?"

“Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?"

"Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family."

"Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships."

"This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure."

“Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way."

"Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins."

"You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities?

I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX! Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it.

It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered.

The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape.

Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all.

In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail.

Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant."

I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God.

Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn.

Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on.

Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now.

We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape.

Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name.

Jesus is the solution to all situation.

I'm Winnie making impact.

I say NO to rape.

I say NO to suicide.

Yes to freedom in Christ.

I help singles lead godly healthy relationship.

I Write, Speak and Advocate.

©Winnie Ene Louisa

4 Love

How to Attain Victory Over Anger
Just as you learn to keep accounts, and when you learn the key elements of accounting then tracking becomes very easy. Similarly there is a main point, the key element, the root of every question, and if you learn this then the answer to that question will automatically come to you.The question that has come is that how to attain victory over anger? Then the question really is, where does anger come from? Gita says - “Anger comes from desire” - “kaamaatkrodhaayabhijaayate” (Gita 2/62). What is that anger? Human beings have understood that “desires are for money, wealth, grandeur, power, etc.” - These are also desires, but what is the main and real desire? “This should happen and this should not happen” - the name of this subtle want within is called “desire”.
First you hold on to the point that “this should certainly happen” and when that does not happen, then you become angry. And “This should not happen” and when someone does that or does something opposing to your wishes, then you get angry. This should happen and this should not happen, this is the root of all anger.
There is no gain in desiring that it should happen like this, or it should not happen like this; because will the world ask us before doing something? Will they do according to your liking? You want from your wife, son and servant that they should listen to you, then do they not wish the same of you? If they have nothing on their mind then they will do as you say, but in their minds too there is that thought that “ I will do it this way or not do it this way” then how will they listen only to you? When you too are not willing to listen to how they want things done, then what rights do you have that they should listen to your ways? Therefore when the feeling arises within that “This should happen like this and it should not happen like this” - then leave the insistence that the person should do it like that alone. In this insistence is your pride, in other words, I am greater, therefore he should listen to me. This pride of greatness is the main cause, and when things do not happen the way you want, then that pride itself comes in the form of anger.
If you desire peace then give up pride; because pride is the root of all the demoniac qualities. In the shadow of pride of greatness lies all the demoniac qualities of Kaliyug, All the bad qualities pertaining to demoniac qualities such as anger, greed, attachment, jealousy, passion, hypocrisy, deceit etc., they all come under the umbrella of pride, because pride is their king. If you do not give up pride then how will anger go away! Therefore give up that pride.
Now what is the solution for giving it up? Those who do not listen to you, they are helping you in getting rid of your pride, and those who listen and do as you say, they are swelling your pride - are you getting this point or not? The people who are obeying you are not benefiting you as much as, those who don’t do as you say. For you own good, the more that your pride is confronted the more better it is for you. Therefore you must be grateful to those who are not listening to you, because as such this is for our own well-being.
If they knowingly do not listen to you, saying that brother, we are not listening to you because it is for your own good, as your pride will go away, then to it is to your benefit only. They are not further swelling your pride i.e. your pride is not getting further bloated. Do you not wish for what is for your good or do you not? Do you want your spiritual progress or do you want your downfall? If you desire your spiritual growth, then it will be possible only when you are free of pride. And you will become free of pride when no one listens to you. If someone listens to you, then your words become established and this itself is cause for pride. This itself is demoniac tendency - “dambho darpobhimaanashrav krodhah” (Gita 16/4). Therefore those who do not listen to you, they are gracing you immensely. They are removing your demoniac tendencies and instilling divine tendencies in you.
Now the question that has come is that by not listening the child will become insolent and arrogant? By listening to you, you will become filled with pride, and if he does not listen then he will become insolent - now think deeply on these two points. If you are not there, then too by doing as he wants he will become insolent regardless, however how will your pride go away? Insolent he will be regardless of you, but your pride will not go away. Therefore you must get rid of your pride first and the foremost.
Second point is that if you do not dominate over him then your mild nature, that is free from pride will make an impression on him, by which his insolence will go away, rather he will become alright. You say to him that brother, you must not do this sort of work, and even thereafter if he does so, let go and become peaceful and silent. If he behaves insolently, he will get the consequences of his actions. On getting the fruits, he will become alert, and then his insolence will automatically go away. But by your persistent telling, his insolence will not go away as quickly as it would go away from suffering the consequences of his insolent behavior. The reason for this is that in his mind he will hold on to his own points, and what you say will stay superficially on the surface like silver plating. That plating will wear off, then how can his insolence go away entirely? The real solution to getting rid of his insolence is to get rid of your own pride.
If man wants to live in a family, then he must learn how to live in a family. The art of living in the family is that do as they say, do according what their wishes are. Fulfill your duty and make them happy.
What does it mean to live in a family? You have certain obligation to fulfill your duty. What is your duty? To fulfill your duties properly, whether the wife listens, does not listen, whether the son listens, does not listen, whether brother listens, does not listen, whether parents listen, do not listen. Do not ever look towards whether they do their duty or not. When you look towards their duty, and see towards their insolent or rebellious behavior etc., during such times you are deviating from your duty. Rather, you are falling from your duty. As such, where has it been said that your duty is to see towards other’s faults? No where in the scriptures it has been said that you see towards other’s faults; rather it has been said that this world is made up of the three constituents of nature (mode of passion “rajas”, ignorance “tamas” and goodness “sattva”, it is filled with faults.
Gun yah ubhaya na dekhiahin dekhia so abibek ||
(Manas 7/41)If others have good qualities you may see them, but do not see their bad qualities. If you see towards their bad qualities, those qualities will come in you. And on seeing those bad qualities if you are getting angry with them to rescue them from their willful acts, then you cannot be saved from that anger. Therefore you do your duty. We are not to see towards other’s duty, nor are we to see towards their flaws. Yes! If you have a son, then it is your duty to teach him good lessons, but wanting that he should do exactly as you say - that is not your duty. That is his duty. It is not your duty to show him what his duty is. Your duty is only to say that son, look it is not good to do like this. If he says - “no, no father, I will do it like this”; then say – “OK, do it that way!” This is a very good medicine. I too am taking this medicine. The medicine that has been given, is a very effective medicine. If you say – “Do like this” and if he says, “No ! I will do like that only.” Then
simply say – “OK! do it like that.”Rajjab ros na kijiye koyi kahe kyon hi |
Hasker utter dijiye haa babaji yu hi ||If what he is doing is sinful or unlawful, then do not accept it. We are to say that which is in accordance with the scriptures, however if they do not listen, then do the scriptures say to fight with them or to control them? You only have the rights to tell them what you know to be true, “karmanyavaadhikaaraste” (Gita 2/47) but thinking that they should do exactly as you say - that is the fruit, to which you have no rights. “Maa phaleshu kadaachan” (Gita 2/47). You have done your part, your duty was only to point out. It was not your duty to make then do as you say! To do as you say is their duty. We only have to explain their duty. If they fulfill their duty then there is no obstacle in your spiritual progress and if they do not fulfill their duty then too there is no loss. There is no loss for you at all, because you have said what is for their welfare. This is a priceless point !
Narayana! Narayana !! Narayana !!!
From "Jeevan Upyogi Pravachan " in Hindi by Swami Ramsukhdasji

नारायण ! नारायण ! नारायण !

To read in HINDI:
http://www.satcharcha.blogspot.comTo read in ENGLISH: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sadhakaTo ask questions, send message to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gita-talk

3 Love

#mylove

THE RED HILL’S KING
 
Rise, O Red Hill’s King!
Prep your armies vast.
The demon horde conches the music o’ war.
Here arrives the beastly Son of Satan from South.
 
Your wicked Queen ran away,
Dealt your ancestral Holy Casket to the Beast.
The dark prodigy advances,
An ambition to annex your empire with Hell.
 
Why you drink now, my Lord?
This ain’t no cause of revel, you imbecile.
The royal sages forewarned,
Yet had no impact on your head.
 
O there he comes,
There they lay, your murdered guards.
Red Hill’s besieged,
Enters the Beast in your Royal Court.
 
 
Stomps and shatters your Holy Casket,
Stomps and shatters your peace.
Down on your knees you beg mercy,
Yet Ares directs to war.
 
Draws your sword from your scabbard
And strikes it at the Beast’s belly.
Stands, he, unscathed
And you, my Lord, in horror.
 
Gropes, he, from your hair
And drags you out on battlefield.
The ghastly battalion awaits,
For a sacrifice to Satan’s broth.
 
Your General marches forth aside,
Your army fearlessly behind,
You slice your sword at the Beast’s wrist
And you join your forces to command.
 
The gruesome clash begins,
A battle of Herculean might.
Fearlessly ride, you,
Slaying the monsters of the Beast.
 
Down goes your tower,
Down goes your castle to ruination.
Demonic catapults fire upon your army,
Diminishing your numbers’ might.
 
Unaffected, you charge,
Take the demon Beast head on.
Your General rides along with you,
Your most loyal warrior, a true Lancelot.
 
Down falls your number vast,
Down falls the Beast’s horde,
Your General trips down the usurper,
You strike his chest and splice his heart out.
 
Falls the Beast silent,
Drained off his flesh and blood.
You raise your sword sky-high,
The demon horde bewildered.
 
Retreats down the Hill,
The mighty usurper’s forces,
Take your sword to your reliquary,
A blade carrying the Beast’s heart.
 
Replace your Holy Casket with it,
Display your glory;
Head back to your throne,
And reclaim your inner peace.
 
Rebuilds your castle, brick-by-brick,
Regains your kingdom’s might.
Yet peace is afar,
For the fugitives still revolt.
 
Your remainder army suppresses them,
You rule your kingdom,
But the sky grows dark again,
A new struggle dawns.
 
Enters your General in Royal Court,
Speaks well of you from the commoner’s mouth.
Self’s glory lost amidst,
Exits the Court, this Machiavellian.
 
Enters the reliquary, this fallen comrade,
Takes your glorious blade
And dips the Beast’s heart
In the raging Satan’s flame.
 
Places the burning heart, he,
Into the bony ribs of imprisoned Beast’s remains.
Monster is revived,
A scion of Hell’s vengeance.
 
Rises the Devil Beast,
Snaps the neck of your General, my Lord.
Rises, he, from his dingy cell,
Into his ethereal form.
 
Burns a hole in your castle’s foundation,
Brings it down brick-for-brick.
A quake shakes the ground he walks,
Raises back his army, undead.
 
The demon ghouls march forth,
Revived under their commander,
Numbers regained.
A multitude of Death.
 
Your demeanour broken, my Lord,
Your numbers spent.
Your castle crumbles,
Your kingdom in mortal peril.
 
Ride out, you, to the battlefield,
With your remaining cavalry.
Infantry armed by your inspiration,
And scantily by armour and weapons.
 
Drawn close to each other,
The Beast and you;
A word to propagate upon,
Before the climactic bloodshed.
 
Beast: “Surrender, Red Hill’s King.
Naught hath happened irrevocable.
Surrender thee, and I
Shall make thee, my well-paid herald.”
 
King: “Nay! Thy fiery demon.
Pierce my bosom’s heart,
Mutilate my corpse!
The soul within shall reunite with the Holy Kingdom!”
 
Angrily, the Beast replies:
“Father Satan shall hath
Thy soul as his broth!”
And swings his mace down upon the King.
 
The Red Hill’s King with all his might,
Blocks the charge with his sword.
“Charge!” says you, my Lord,
And your loyal army advances to war.
 
The epic clash begins,
The gruesome war ensues,
Your numbers fully spent,
You retreat to your ruins.
 
Afraid and wounded, you flee,
Sends your last man to West.
Finds a cavern deep below
The ruins of your castle, to hide.
 
Marches forth the Beast
To your hideout.
Pulls you out like a worm from ground,
Drags you back, you cowardly wretch.
 
Tosses you in front of himself,
Orders his ghoulish force at halt.
Challenges your might, your glory,
In a head-on duel.
 
You arm yourself with your renowned blade,
The Beast with his fiery mace.
Prance upon one-another,
To decide this Age’s fate.
 
Valour you show, O mighty Red Hill’s Lord,
But your courage has no impact upon the Beast.
Every scar, every strain upon his body,
Brings you close to Hell’s wrath.
 
Has had enough antics, the Beast,
Strikes you with his mighty mace,
Your armour saves your bosom,
Yet you cough out blood.
 
Strikes, he, down his mace again,
Down upon your back.
You eat the dirt of your soil,
Adulterated by your royal blood.
 
Weary and wounded you lie,
Puddle of blood on the ground.
Choked by your final breaths,
Await you, my Lord, for Hades to embrace you.
 
Mercilessly beats the Beast, you,
No force against him standing.
The conch shells blow again,
Atop the Western hill.
 
The royal army stands firm,
Led by the Empress of West.
War-elephants, cavalry, infantry; all present,
Awaiting their Queen’s express command.
 
The Beast halts his shower of brutality,
Stares determined upon the Empress.
Her army marches forth,
To settle this Age’s final score.
 
The pace quickens of the Empress’ army,
Their cavalry gallops down with vigour.
The pace quickens of the ghoulish army,
All set for Hell’s sacrilege.
 
You, my Lord, find your humungous trumpet,
In the wreckage of your castle,
Makes it massive blow heard to all,
Your final battle cry.
 
The demons and the royals clash,
The Beast takes on the Empress.
So graceful and glorious is she,
Her legends come true to witness.
 
Slices clean the Beast’s legs,
Slices clean his abdomen in upper cut.
The Beast taken aback,
Continues to challenge her glory.
 
Makes their way down, the Empress’ war chariots,
Downhill with their bladed wheels.
Cuts the ghouls in pieces many,
Until the Beast stands solitary.
 
O Red Hill’s King, you
Grab a bow and arrow.
The string pulled with all your strength,
For one last of your move.
 
The Empress knocks down the Beast,
Stabs her blade in his chest.
You, my Lord, fire your arrow,
And blind this raging bull.
 
Drained, you fall incapacitated,
Yet the Beast rises again.
The sky echoes ferocious roars,
Fly down the Royal Winged-Lions of East.
 
Land and prance upon the Beast, they
Gnaw him to his bone.
Their sharp sabres dug in,
More effective than a mortal blade.
 
Chunks of flesh eaten away,
Stands up, the Beast, in a wobbly way.
The Hell’s Serpent constricts from beneath his feet,
Drags him down for his Father’s broth.
 
Lies you, my Lord, within Death’s grasp,
The Empress declares the war won to you.
Peacefully, you fall asleep for eternity,
A smile upon your face.
 
The Empress prays a seat for you in Heaven’s Court,
Takes back your glorious sword as her relic.
Cremates your body upon this war-torn land,
A history to be never subject to oblivion.
 
Comes down from Heaven, the Eternal King,
Down upon the Red Hill.
Annexes your empire to His,
Blesses your soul for afterlife’s journey.
 
Satan looks up at the Eternal King,
Swears vengeance in a soliloquy.
The present’s sunny sky- a canvas,
God smiles and hurls his roaring thunderbolt.
 
-----------X-----------
 

8 Love

32
32 important life lessons from 32 years
Sometimes so many questions accumulate in your head that you just have to find a way to release them. Olesya Novikova, a writer, journalist, blogger, and traveller, recently shared the life lessons which she has discovered over the 32 years of her life so far.Everyone has a fear. Even beautiful, talented, smart, and lucky people. We’re scared to start something new, to go out of our comfort zone, to take a risk, to do something that we never done before. We fear for our families, for our jobs, for our life, and for many other things as well. Fear will always exist. No matter how much experience, confidence, recognition, money or talent you have, you’ll be scared to a greater or lesser degree each time when you conquer a new height or do something new. But this is fine. This means you’re still alive. You have to keep going on. Go through and past your fear, and don’t try to get rid of it.
Changes will keep happening. Stability is illusory. We’re constantly on the move. We keep changing — outwardly and inwardly, and these processes don’t stop even for a second. A sane person doesn’t have the chance to pose the question — to change or not to change? He or she can only answer a different one: ’’Do I have control over these changes that are taking place, and to what extent?’’
’’Quickly’’ means ’’slowly, but without interruption.’’ There’s no need to do something quickly, intensely, or forcefully. Just do it regularly. The most important thing is to keep the rhythm going. Do it little by little, but constantly. And after some time, if you look at it from the outside, it will look like you did it quickly and efficiently.
Create more than you consume.Otherwise, you’ll be left with only a hopeless consumer lifestyle leading to no meaningful conclusion. ’’Everything is good, but there’s nothing good’’. A person must always create something, willingly and with love. This is a formula for good mental health. Curiously, this is the only way to enjoy the pleasure of consumption that won’t destroy the pleasure itself. You can consider this process as a spiritual version of having good metabolism.
Today’’ is what you did and thought yesterday, and ’’tomorrow’’ is what you do and think today. Repeat this phrase like a mantra for as long as you realize that no one else is responsible for the problems you come up against.
There are no guarantees at all. This is a basic rule of the universe which you need to take into account when making all your decisions and preparing all your plans.
The era of sacred knowledge is over.Now, it’s the era of informational hygiene. For several years already, knowledge hasn’t helped any of us achieve anything or attain a meaningful existence. The internet has devalued knowledge. The ability to concentrate on a given task without losing interest is now more important. And this skill is directly affected by the storm of information battering your mind at any given moment. The more verbal ’’garbage’’ is around, the weaker your concentration becomes. The more the thoughts of others circulate in your mind, the harder it is to hear your own voice. The online stream of information weakens your ability to discover yourself.
Joy and pleasure are not the same thing. We never experience real joy while eating a chocolate cake, drinking a glass of wine or smoking a cigarette. We don’t experience joy while buying new shoes or perfume. Let’s call things by their proper names — in these cases, we just get pleasure. And that’s another story. By its nature this feeling is very short-lived, and it’s inextricably linked to further dissatisfaction, boredom, satiety, and the desire for a new portion of pleasure. Don’t be afraid to give up pleasures, be afraid not to experience real joy.Suffering exists. Buddha was right after all. 
Suffering exists. Everybody suffers. Both those who have nothing and those who have everything. Those who don’t suffer in the present will make the transition to a state of pain at a later date. Maybe because of the falling currency or because of a terrorist attack. Maybe because of finding out that someone doesn’t love him or her anymore. Or they’ll get upset because they don’t get a reply to a message they sent, or they don’t earn enough money, or for literally any other reason you can think of. Suffering exists. We will always find a reason to suffer. Just accept it, and do your best to ignore it.
Not everyone can be happy. Can everyone be happy? Yes, sure! But only in theory. In practice, only those who have disciplined their minds can be consistently happy, calm, balanced, and benevolent. Only those whose minds are trained and capable of not worrying about everything around them. Only those who manage to retain a sense of joy not only in agreeable circumstances but also in unpleasant situations. Otherwise, there’s an endless stream of events which will evoke only pain, irritation, and anxiety. And some situations are more serious than others. A person who reacts emotionally to every little incident can never be happy inside.
Joy means retaining a balance in your mind. If somebody had told me this five years ago, I would never have believed it. When you dream all day and night of finding your one true love, creating a family, a well-paid job, an opportunity to work for yourself, to travelk, you think that you know what joy is. At least, what your own joy is. Of course, you can’t always be satisfied with everything. Sometimes you suffer. And this is fine. The most important thing is that you know what to strive for. Looking at your dreams, you realize where your sense of enduring joy comes from. Joy is a state of complete peace of mind, which is achieved by overcoming the blind, automatic reactions of the mind to events. Practising a form of deep meditation is perhaps the only healthy way to discover and attain this state true maturity.
Know the importance of fruit and its physical effects. Fruit is not acidic, it’s alkaline. To divert into science for a second, all kinds of ripe fruit and vegetables have an alkaline reaction, helping to neutralise excess acid in your body. Things like meat, sugar, fat and dairy products have the opposite effect. Not many people know this — try googling it!
’’My body itself knows what is better for it’’ is one of the most insidious mind traps. An alcoholic’s body wants to drink; a smoker’s body dreams of a cigarette; our bodies are always hungry for chocolate and fries. How can the body know what is better? Our minds live by automatic responses that don’t let us make necessary changes; our bodies obey our habits and our chaotic impulses.
Food affects not only your body but also your mind. In the same way that alcohol significantly changes your consciousness, blunting it, certain kinds of food can have a similar effect, but it’s less pronounced and more unconscious. Food can slow down and refocus your thinking process. Moreover, it can weaken your control, your power of awareness, and your clarity of perception. A slightly ’’blurred’’ state of mind becomes a norm for you, so you forget what lightness and clarity actually mean. The most ’’clean’’ kinds of food are fresh fruit, vegetables, cereals, and that which is cooked with a minimum amount of oil, spices, and salt.
You need money only in order not to think about money. Money doesn’t solve the central question of humanity. It don’t make people happy. But the opportunity not to think about money, at least in everyday life, significantly releases energy for something else.
We have more similarities than differences. The value of personal uniqueness is greatly exaggerated. All the answers and solutions have already existed for a long time. In focusing on your own uniqueness, you don’t have the chance to push away your ego and perceive reality with all its real answers.
The best way to stop an addiction is not to have access to the thing your addicted to, at all. It’s impossible to drink one glass of wine if you’re an alcoholic. If you’re trying to quit smoking, you can’t still have a smoke from time to time. You’ll be constantly in a state of mental torture. You’ll go up and down. You’ll always have disruptions. This rule is immutable for all kinds of addiction.
You will never be fully prepared for change. We are never fully prepared for twists of fate or changes. There is always a strong ’’but...’’ and the temptation to postpone changes until a more favorable time. There is no point waiting for complete internal harmony. You just need to make a decision, relying on the thought that ’’it’s high time’’ to get things done.
Life is a book where the first chapters weren’t written by you. Sometimes even the subsequent chapters aren’t either. We’re composed of beliefs and we make up models of the world around us. And this world isn’t just abstract. It’s a concrete office, a house, a street — the places where we spend our life. It’s our friends, colleagues, parents, and the salespeople whom we meet every evening. It’s a news feed on social networks and so-called Facebook friends. We automatically absorb the opinions, positions, and viewpoints of other people. We imbibe them along with the air, regardless of whether we agree with them or not. And when we don’t agree, it’s also a moment of automatic denial. In childhood, this process was completely out of our control. The essence of your personality was forged by other people, and parental input (if it was ever there) wasn’t dominant in this. What and who you consider yourself to be and what you should be afraid to lose, according to some psychologists, is just a mosaic of your environment. There is nothing to lose. Isn’t that great news? At least in that case, you can redraw everything however you like.
A result is a bunch of attempts at something. It’s not a single well-aimed shot. And it’s certainly not just good fortune.
What helped you at one stage may one day prevent you from going on to the next stage. Sometimes it’s important to give up that which has helped you in the past. Here’s an example: rules for small businesses don’t work for huge corporations. It’s impossible to grow without giving up some of the rules, even if they helped you to grow up yesterday. This also applies to your personality, a person’s values, and their plans.
Outside of your comfort zone, there is a discomfort zone. And there’s no flowers and chocolates there. But you have to go there anyway if you want to achieve something.
There is no life without a purpose. The only question is whether you create these purposes yourself or leave it to your instincts to decide them for you.
Laziness doesn’t exist. There are unloved activities, there’s such a thing as a lack of energy and a lack of wide vision and ability to be excited about new perspectives. But there is no such thing as laziness.
You can’t find yourself; you can only create yourself. There is nothing and nobody to look for. You’re always here, in the here and now. Your path is what you have under your feet right now, nothing more — it’s not anywhere else. You can only distinguish between the right path and the wrong one by using your awareness. You pave small, but definite goals. If these goals are determined by others, or if they chaotically grow as a result of duty, it’s not your path. It’s just a bunch of separate episodes of your life.
You don’t need alcohol. At all.
Your unrealized potential will hurt you one day. It’s useless to hide this fact and instead stick inside your comfort zone. As they say, you are responsible for the talent that has been entrusted to you.
Banks should pay you, but not vice versa. This is the only possible way to be financially healthy. Never, never, never buy anything that you haven’t earned enough to pay for. Never. Especially if you want something big. We pay banks not only our money but also our energy. As a result, you don’t have the energy to take that risk and make adventurous plans. Breaking out from such a situation once that decision is taken is hardly going to be possible.
You need to learn how to work under pressure, and how to relax. Every movement requires exertion. If you make this move reluctantly and out of necessity, you’ll spend twice as much energy. In this case, you spend some energy on the physical and mental effort, and the mental stress saps the rest of your energy. That’s why you need to learn how to deal with stress when it appears and how to love it. If you сan put yourself under strain voluntarily, considering it only something positive, you’ll expend much less energy. The second part of success is the ability to relax, to accept things as they are, to let go of your expectations. You can’t move on if you only know how to be stressed, but don’t know how to relax.
’’Yes’’ and ’’no’’ are two answers that you need to learn as soon as possible.Learn how to say ’’yes’’ to situations and people in spite of the absence of guarantees, internal readiness, and changing circumstances. Learn how to say ’’no’’ first of all to yourself: to your weaknesses, your fears, and your selfishness. And only much later, learn how to say ’’no’’ to others.
There’s a difference between great things and good things. The latter you forget about, the former you don’t. A truly creative person is different from someone who simply does his job well. Creators put their tasks above themselves, dissolving their egos in the process. They work consciously and with love, not because of a sense of duty or a lack of choice. A marketer can be a true musician while a proper musician can be just a mediocre craftsman for their entire life.
Every sign that you meet on your way through life can be interpreted in at least three different ways. 1. Maybe this is a real sign! 2. Perhaps there are no signs at all. 3. Maybe this is a test. Maybe fate just attempted to knock you out of your stride by testing the sincerity of your intentions and your decisions.

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"VICTIM OF RAPE.. I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me. It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired. Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed? What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus. It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that. My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home. The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself. My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon. As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue. I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together. And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind. Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T. But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different. Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning. I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward. Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room. Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded. I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean. I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years. Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought. The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one. TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way. Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily. It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word. I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend. After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God. We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT. I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me. WHY? WHY?? WHY??? All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom. Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone. In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling. Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that. Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself. I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members). I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent. Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place. Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders. After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness. I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me. She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration. “Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?" “Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues." "Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?" “Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?" "Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family." "Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships." "This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure." “Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way." "Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins." "You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities? I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX! Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it. It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered. The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape. Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all. In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail. Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant." I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God. Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn. Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on. Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now. We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape. Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name. Jesus is the solution to all situation. I'm Winnie making impact. I say NO to rape. I say NO to suicide. Yes to freedom in Christ. I help singles lead godly healthy relationship. I Write, Speak and Advocate. ©Winnie Ene Louisa"

VICTIM OF RAPE..

I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé  suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me.

It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired.

Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed? 

What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus.

It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that.

My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home.

The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself.

My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon.

As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue.

I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together.

And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind.

Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T.

But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different. 

Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning.

I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward.

Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room.

Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded.

I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean.

I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years.

Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought.

The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one.

TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way. 

Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily. 

It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word.

I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend.

After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God.

We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT. 

I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me.

WHY?                 WHY??                 WHY???

All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom.

Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone.

In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling.

Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that.

Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself.

I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members).

I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent.

Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place.

Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders.

After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness.

I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me.

She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration. 

“Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?"

“Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues."

"Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?"

“Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?" 

"Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family."

"Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships."

"This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure."

“Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way."

"Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins."

"You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities?

I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX!  Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it. 

It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered.

The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape. 

Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all.

In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail. 

Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant."

I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God. 

Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn.

Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on.

Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now.

We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape. 

Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name.

Jesus is the solution to all situation.

I'm Winnie making impact.

I say NO to rape.

I say NO to suicide.

Yes to freedom in  Christ.

I help singles lead godly healthy relationship.

I Write, Speak and Advocate.

©Winnie Ene Louisa

#Saynotorape
#saynotosexualabuse
#saynotosuicide

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VICTIM OF RAPE..

I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me.

It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired.

Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed?

What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus.

It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that.

My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home.

The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself.

My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon.

As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue.

I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together.

And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind.

Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T.

But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different.

Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning.

I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward.

Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room.

Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded.

I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean.

I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years.

Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought.

The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one.

TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way.

Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily.

It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word.

I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend.

After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God.

We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT.

I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me.

WHY? WHY?? WHY???

All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom.

Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone.

In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling.

Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that.

Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself.

I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members).

I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent.

Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place.

Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders.

After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness.

I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me.

She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration.

“Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?"

“Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues."

"Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?"

“Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?"

"Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family."

"Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships."

"This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure."

“Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way."

"Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins."

"You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities?

I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX! Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it.

It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered.

The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape.

Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all.

In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail.

Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant."

I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God.

Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn.

Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on.

Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now.

We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape.

Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name.

Jesus is the solution to all situation.

I'm Winnie making impact.

I say NO to rape.

I say NO to suicide.

Yes to freedom in Christ.

I help singles lead godly healthy relationship.

I Write, Speak and Advocate.

©Winnie Ene Louisa

4 Love