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I want to tell you something before it's too late,
Whatever I'm doing is probably not written in my fate.
This is something that you totally hate,
But dad, now I can't really wait!! It was not your fault, I had made a wrong decision,
Never did I think that this would be it's conclusion.
But now that I've found what my heart really wants,
It's trying to talk to me dad, please let me listen.!! I've started finding this life as horrible as a nightmare,
whatever I'm doing, would really get me nowhere.
This thought is killing me within, day by day,
I'm about to quit and you don't seem to care.!! listen to me just for once, dad; let me rise,
Lemme just fly high like a free bird roams in the skies.
I'm ready to pay whatever it costs,
But now I can't again betray these dreamy eyes.!! Dad, I promise that I won't let you down this time,
For I'm not going to commit any crime.
I write my heart out with the ink, dad..
Just so you know, I don't only rhyme.!! Just let me do what my heart aches for,
For which my heart & mind are playing a war..
I don't want to be the stardust, dad..
I want to be the whole sky without a single scar.!! I know I've given you nothing but disappointment,
So much pain for which there's no ointment..
Just show some faith & give me a last chance
For I want to create happiness for you in every moment.!! I'm stuck so badly as if someone has put me into a jail,
And now there's no one except you to pay my bail.
Dad, I know, I'd fail & fail & fail & fail,
But one fine day, I'd definitely rise as hell.
I'd find a source of light after a dark long tunnel,
And you too would have a proud story to tell.!! Dad, everything would seem so simple then,
And there would be no void,
Please save one life before it gets totally destroyed,
I don't want the entire galaxy, dad..
Just give me my 'space' to become an asteroid.!! Dad,
I just wanted to tell you something before it's too late,
Whatever I'm doing is definitely not written in my fate..
I know this is something that you still hate,
Somehow, I will, but life... Won't really wait!!!
Two years passed, since you left heavenly abode. Since, you left me to be my own hero. But Dad, I don't reflect the person you wanted me to be, I reflect the person your separation made me. I reflect a miserable person, who is just tired of concept of life and everything. Your separation left me handicapped, in all spheres of my life equally. I look at the pictures of us, and I look at life in reality of today, And i conclude I am nothing but a dust going with the flow where my mass leads me to. I am associated, with the concept of living, the way they leave a down syndrome kid in a school (not special school), both are not a good combination. I see myself as most broken, but most strong person. Yet I feel like without you, My living is dead. I, my father, lie as the most restless person, to meet my beloved!
Most of the times, I give my bruised soul examples of sabr. and other times flow of pain takes over, and I unconciously question the fate of our story, With such a brutal end. I look like a soulless person. In the midst crowd, My loneliness calls me. I lose myself to your thoughts, in midst of debates and discussion thinking how differently you would have argued to me.
Dad, I am glad I once had you. But those prayers that have shifted from, "Ya Rub, keep him healthy and happy" to "Ya Rub, Grant him highest place in jannah" are itself a Qayamah! I long to talk to you. I long to pose a picture with you. I long to be your little girl, who by no means desired to grow this way mature. People compliment me, "You look like your father" and my heart whispers I wish I really did. They tell me your stories, as if I didn't know who you were. They Lost An uncle, a brother, but I lost my entire world to heaven. My lips smile. My eyes are always moistured. I am not with you, thats why my darling dad, I am in constant abyss. Remember all those conversation where we would talk about literature, poetry, mathematics, art, love, religion, spirituality? Remember, those walks! Remember that last book, that you bought me last with a date on it 18/jan/2016. I remember, the mini seconds that I did spent with you, and breathing without you these two years were just an Azaab! I lost my guide, while travelling for life.
Dad, I cant put it in exact words, but I miss you. I miss the warmth of you . I miss my home.. I miss being called by you. Being told. Being told you are wrong and right. Dad, how I am living even after you left me. How from being to a fairtytale princess, I landed up in the city of loneliness. Why my laughter has disappeared, and why my smile is filled with pain.
I know, my beloved! you are in much better place then here. But i am in my own abyss. My struggle with being living are horrible. I am not the person I wanted to be. And, I miss you dad !
Jaanu'weni jaanu koori na gachi ha na yith paeth jaanu'wun khaan'majar raawan !
I wish , once in life i hug you again!
I miss you. The color of the world i see, since you left is grey. Being infidel, or being sane has same defination. The festivities, like my soul are colorless. My body is a compromise of standing to my smiles, and my tears equally. I see a human version of me dying every other day, yet i do no harm to other beings. My soul has turned grey and my emotions are growing old! I am at that stage of my life, where even if the world collapse my only words will be Sabr! My skin doesn't sense the pain, and my mind doesn't alarm the danger. I have lost you, and there's no more lost unbearable. I am a scattered soul, with an integrated body because the world demands. There are things I refuse to do, not because of financial crises but because i don't have your emotional support anymore. I feel like if I am deceived by my own emotions.
Dad, I have stopped to look for you in person to person, that includes your brother because no home/person is warmer than you. I have stopped to follow the shadows of your death, that will take me to nowhere but to a brouhaha and embraced grief by opening my arms. I wonder, when we will meet again, will you embrace me in your arms, and tell me you are proud of me, or will you be disappointed how cold I have turned. I miss you like that most beautiful sunrise that remained uncaptured, or my longings are undying yet dead! I see a death of me in my dreams, yet my courage, sometimes refuses to give up on me. I look at myself as the most miserable yet so lucky,because I once had you. My words stopped to heal me long back, but the vacuum of my life between everything and nothing forces me to write. I am sorry, I couldn't be a symbol of love, faith and courage like you but I turned an emblem of grief! My eyes are witness to all breakdowns, the world knows nothing about. You my dad, are being missed on earth than any other longing this earth ever had witnessed. My relation with night are getting deeper, and my contacts with day are breaking down. Dad, deliciousness from sweets have disappeared. The spices of life died a terrible death. Don't worry I am fine, Yet sorry, this is a lie.
I see our separation as saddest story, thou I know ours is not only story. World doesn't have sad stories because princess' doesn't met prince, but because princess loses her king!
I miss you, Dad and I cant help it.