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Our struggles determine our successes

Everybody wants what feels good. Everyone wants to live a carefree, happy and easy life, to fall in love and have amazing sex and relationships, to look perfect and make money and be popular and well-respected and admired and a total baller to the point that people part like the Red Sea when you walk into the room.Everyone would like that—it’s easy to like that.If I ask you, “What do you want out of life?” and you say something like, “I want to be happy and have a great family and a job I like,” it’s so ubiquitous that it doesn’t even mean anything.A more interesting question, a question that perhaps you’ve never considered before, is what pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.Everybody wants to have an amazing job and financial independence—but not everyone wants to suffer through 60-hour work weeks, long commutes, obnoxious paperwork, to navigate arbitrary corporate hierarchies and the blasé confines of an infinite cubicle hell. People want to be rich without the risk, without the sacrifice, without the delayed gratification necessary to accumulate wealth.Everybody wants to have great sex and an awesome relationship—but not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional psychodrama to get there. And so they settle. They settle and wonder “What if?” for years and years and until the question morphs from “What if?” into “Was that it?” And when the lawyers go home and the alimony check is in the mail they say, “What was that for?” if not for their lowered standards and expectations 20 years prior, then what for?Because happiness requires struggle. The positive is the side effect of handling the negative. You can only avoid negative experiences for so long before they come roaring back to life.
At the core of all human behaviour, our needs are more or less similar. Positive experience is easy to handle. It’s negative experience that we all, by definition, struggle with. Therefore, what we get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire but by what bad feelings we’re willing and able to sustain to get us to those good feelings.

People want an amazing physique. But you don’t end up with one unless you legitimately appreciate the pain and physical stress that comes with living inside a gym for hour upon hour, unless you love calculating and calibrating the food you eat, planning your life out in tiny plate-sized portions.People want to start their own business or become financially independent. But you don’t end up a successful entrepreneur unless you find a way to appreciate the risk, the uncertainty, the repeated failures, and working insane hours on something you have no idea whether will be successful or not.People want a partner, a spouse. But you don’t end up attracting someone amazing without appreciating the emotional turbulence that comes with weathering rejections, building the sexual tension that never gets released, and staring blankly at a phone that never rings. It’s part of the game of love. You can’t win if you don’t play.What determines your success isn’t “What do you want to enjoy?” The question is, “What pain do you want to sustain?” The quality of your life is not determined by the quality of your positive experiences but the quality of your negative experiences. And to get good at dealing with negative experiences is to get good at dealing with life.
There’s a lot of crappy advice out there that says, “You’ve just got to want it enough!”Everybody wants something. And everybody wants something enough. They just aren’t aware of what it is they want, or rather, what they want “enough.”Because if you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs. If you want the beach body, you have to want the sweat, the soreness, the early mornings, and the hunger pangs. If you want the yacht, you have to also want the late nights, the risky business moves, and the possibility of pissing off a person or ten thousand.If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe what you want isn’t what you want, you just enjoy wanting. Maybe you don’t actually want it at all.Sometimes I ask people, “How do you choose to suffer?” These people tilt their heads and look at me like I have twelve noses. But I ask because that tells me far more about you than your desires and fantasies. Because you have to choose something. You can’t have a pain-free life. It can’t all be roses and unicorns. And ultimately that’s the hard question that matters. Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have similar answers. The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?That answer will actually get you somewhere. It’s the question that can change your life. It’s what makes me me and you you. It’s what defines us and separates us and ultimately brings us together.For most of my adolescence and young adulthood, I fantasized about being a musician — a rock star, in particular. Any badass guitar song I heard, I would always close my eyes and envision myself up on stage playing it to the screams of the crowd, people absolutely losing their minds to my sweet finger-noodling. This fantasy could keep me occupied for hours on end. The fantasizing continued up through college, even after I dropped out of music school and stopped playing seriously. But even then it was never a question of if I’d ever be up playing in front of screaming crowds, but when. I was biding my time before I could invest the proper amount of time and effort into getting out there and making it work. First, I needed to finish school. Then, I needed to make money. Then, I needed to find the time. Then … and then nothing.Despite fantasizing about this for over half of my life, the reality never came. And it took me a long time and a lot of negative experiences to finally figure out why: I didn’t actually want it.I was in love with the result—the image of me on stage, people cheering, me rocking out, pouring my heart into what I’m playing—but I wasn’t in love with the process. And because of that, I failed at it. Repeatedly. Hell, I didn’t even try hard enough to fail at it. I hardly tried at all.The daily drudgery of practicing, the logistics of finding a group and rehearsing, the pain of finding gigs and actually getting people to show up and give a shit. The broken strings, the blown tube amp, hauling 40 pounds of gear to and from rehearsals with no car. It’s a mountain of a dream and a mile-high climb to the top. And what it took me a long time to discover is that I didn’t like to climb much. I just liked to imagine the top.Our culture would tell me that I’ve somehow failed myself, that I’m a quitter or a loser. Self-help would say that I either wasn’t courageous enough, determined enough or I didn’t believe in myself enough. The entrepreneurial/start-up crowd would tell me that I chickened out on my dream and gave in to my conventional social conditioning. I’d be told to do affirmations or join a mastermind group or manifest or something.But the truth is far less interesting than that: I thought I wanted something, but it turns out I didn’t. End of story.I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love not with the fight but only the victory. And life doesn’t work that way.
Who you are is defined by the values you are willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who get in good shape. People who enjoy long workweeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who move up it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainty of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it.This is not a call for willpower or “grit.” This is not another admonishment of “no pain, no gain.”This is the most simple and basic component of life: Our struggles determine our successes.
So choose your struggles wisely, my friend.

This post originally appeared on Follow @iammarkmanson on Twitter

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You came in my life like a morning dream,
When flowers were blooming, 
The sun was brightly shinning, 
Birds were chirping, 
Your eyes were glittering, 
My heart was palpitating,
It was the best day of my life,
Firstly we talked ,
Eventually we became friends,
Yes,i accepted you with all your scars and darkness, 
Without expectations,

Time passed away,
May be now,
I think about you all the time,
You keep always in my brain,
You will always be in my heart,
I can't bear the pain, 
When we are apart...
I can't describe how much i care,
I can't describe how much i like,
I never revealed that,
You are like the sun that shines my whole day,
You are like water that keeps me alive,
You are my heart that beats inside my heart,
You are my everything, 
You are my one and only ,
You stops me for being so lonely, 
You are very precious for me,priceless!
You are the only one can make me laugh, 
Yes,i love you with all my heart and soul ,
But ,i don't want to get you,
I don't except anything from you..!!!.

But yes i want .....
I want to make you smile,
And,hold you when you cry.
I want you to be with you,
For the rest of my life.
I would never change a thing ,
That,you are ,
To live with you is what i want in my life.
I pray for the day when we would meet,
I want to take your hand,
And,walk you through my dream ,
Just want to prove that,
What i feel for you...
No,don't think that i want to be your better half ...
But yes,i want to be your special one ,more than a friend or less than a beloved...
I never want to lose you ,
I want to love you in many ways,
To try to explain or define,
What i feel inside ,
I don't know what is it?
But just that i feel has no end.

Yes i want say something about you....
Your black hair is like a silk thread, 
Your brown eyes are full of flickering, 
Your lips are like a petals of rose,
Your voice is like a cuckoo sings,
Your hands or the stars on plam shines like the rays of sun ,
Your visage is full of fulgent,
And ,your heart is like lamb's...

All these things i want to say ,
Just remember, i am thinking of you,
You know i am your but i know you are not mine ...even i don't  want you....because 
Love is not something to gain, 
It is something to do ...
Unconditionally, without expectations....!!!

You know ,i have get you 
And,i don't know what to do,
But it is amazing sentiments that,
I have for you.

Whenever i look at your snap,
My heart melts like a burning candle,
Everyday,i love you more and more 
Because my love is like a water  of ocean for you,
Never dried, 
The way of loving you can change but nor my love....
Because I'd find someone to love so unconditionally in you....

And i want to thank you,
That,you are my love,
I worship or love you ,
As purely as my heart,
I am impressed with you,
You made me happy,
Stay with my FOREVER 
And,i will hold you tightly Ever and Forever !!! #NojotoQuote


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We want to be equal to men's 
We want equal rights 
We want to move out at nights 
We want to be safe for lives 
NO NO NO .....

I don't want that 
I don't need equality 
I don't want me to be treated equal as men. 
Men, who asked me not to work or move out at night.
Men who asked me not to take birth.
Men who always insulted me.
Men who left me unsatisfied.
Men who showed me his scary side.
Men who left me when I needed him the most. 
No I don't want to be equal to that, I always want to be like a free bird , but not that free like men who  rapes  and throw me naked on the streets.
I want to take decisions for my family but not like men's who asked me not to move out at night and not to wear those short cloths as other men's will chase. 
I want to be powerful but not as man, who always suppressed me and shashed me down.
I want to be whatever I want to , but not equal to men 
I want to be me, one who stands for herself and fight whenever and wherever needed. 
I don't want to talk particularly about feminism because the growth and development is not only the need of females it is the need of the males too.
There is no feminism or malism.


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When the 🌒 starts singing nanabai song,
the whole universe becomes a calm dark place to merge in It's own,
In the lap of unknown... The darkness... I want to dissolve myself... submit everything...
Because I want to have something new every morning...
 every day I come along,
I want to conquer some new fears,
want to cheer up on some new toughness,
want to resolve some new queries in my mind,
And wants to meet you again like first time I am seeing...
Nothing of yesterday I want to carry in my mind,
neither the problems, or the solutions,
or the happiness or the scars on my heart...
Because there is nothing so wonderful than encountering something new,
Every day is a new start of life live as you want it to.
©️Rameswari #NojotoQuote

When the 🌒 starts singing nanabai song,
the whole universe becomes a calm dark place to merge in It's own,
In the lap of unknown... The darkness... I want to dissolve myself... submit everything...
Because I want to have something new every morning...
every day I come along,
I want to conquer some new fears,
want to cheer up on some new toughness,
want to resolve some new queries in my mind,
And wants to meet you again like first time I am seeing...
Nothing of yesterday I want to carry in my mind,
neither the problems, or the solutions,
or the happiness or the scars on my heart...
Because there is nothing so wonderful than encountering something new,
Every day is a new start of life live as you want it to.
#Nojoto #Love #Life #RM #poetries #nojotoenglish

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“In order for a muscle (including the heart) to increase strength, it must be gradually stressed by working against a load greater than it is used to.”

Once you understand and internalize this, one can reach for the stars. So many people get up; do the same run or the same weight machines, day after day, year after year. And they get frustrated because they don’t improve. Well it’s clear why. Once the body has adjusted to a certain level of stress, it stops improving. If you want to get better, you have to stress the muscles. Stress the cardiovascular system. Ask it to do more than it is used to. And then the body adapts, down to a cellular level, so that it is ready the next time you ask it to perform at that level.

That’s the Overload Principle. To grow, we must overload the body. Ask it to do more than we did the last workout. And that’s the route to success on the fields of sports or any athletic endeavor.

But, as I look back on the past years in the corporate world, I have come to realize that the entire body is like a muscle. Our entire being hence responds to the overload principle. Our brains are a muscle of sorts. Our personality, our character, is a muscle of sorts. You want it to improve in any facet of life, it needs overload. Simple as that. Then we as humans adapt, grow, and get better.

Once an individual embraces the overload principle, they are in for a world of success, more than they can ever imagine! But it’s hard work. It’s a difficult, yet conscious, choice. Because we love to be comfortable. We don’t like the overload principle on a visceral level. We like “routine”. We like things as they are. We want improvement on one hand, we want success, but we are often unwilling to pay the price. We want it all. We want to take it easy, be comfortable, and yet have all the success in life!

You can see people every day rejecting the overload principle whether they realize it or not. When a person says, “Love me for who I am”, or “I am what I am, take it or leave it”, well this is the ultimate cop-out. This is a person saying, in coded language, “I refuse to improve, I refuse to get better, I refuse to be pushed or challenged to improve myself. What you see is all I am ever going to be.”

It’s not pathetic. It’s sad. These are people who will realize only a fraction of what they can truly become. Because with these statements, they toss the overload principle into the garbage. If you don’t overload yourself, you don’t get better. Simple as that.

What the most successful do, those who maximize their potential and continually improve, is they embrace the overload principle across their life. Not only in the gym or running on the roads but in all walks of life. 

Key examples:
1. The jobs they take. Those who are stuck in one place, and miserable most of the time, take easy jobs. Ones they can screw around and slack off and still get paid. They don’t want change or stress. They stay in a comfy job where they “know everyone” and don’t have to learn new names, new processes, new ways of doing things. They want to earn as easy as they can. Conversely, those who embrace overload want to work for the best companies, ones where they will be pushed and challenged. They will take on tough assignments, maybe moving industries or countries just to challenge themselves to grow. They will throw themselves into high-stress roles and put themselves into the arena. They may fail, but they will learn and grow. They constantly overload their career “muscles” to make them stronger and better. Even if this means sometimes you fail to lift the weight! You want to grow? Take the job in the challenging environment, in a challenging company that will push you. Don’t take the easy, cushy way out.

2. The friends they surround themselves with. Some “friends” actually drag you down. They belittle you. They want to keep you down where they are. They love status quo. They don’t want anything to disrupt their world. Every new idea or dream you have they crap all over it. Negative all the time. My advice is to dump these kinds of “friends” if you can even call them this. No, the right kinds of friends believe in you. They push you to take on challenges. When you fail to live up to the expectations you are capable of, they help you up with one hand whilst smacking you on the head with the other. They believe in you---so they expect better from you. These are the people you surround yourself with. Those who encourage you to take risks, to overload and be all you can be.

3. Educational choices. Those who embrace overload take the hardest classes. They want to push the limits, see what they can do, and learn the most they can learn. The other ends of the spectrum are people who look to “pad” their classes with easy subjects simply to help their overall grades. They forgo overload, and improving, for show and for bragging rights. But they lose out long term.

4. Life partner. Does your partner inspire you to be all you can be? It’s an important question. I never understood when a husband or wife would “let themselves go” right after the wedding. I mean, why take someone for granted? My wife loves me for who I am, but more importantly, she loves even more the person she believes I can become. And this is important because it inspires me to improve. To try and get better, not get worse and expect someone to love me “Because they should”. The best partners bring out the best in us. They inspire us to continually improve the person we are. They don’t promote complacency and accepting that “the best years are behind us”. And one would never say, “Love me for who I am” to someone who truly inspired them. Because this is an admission of never attempting to improve oneself and having zero motivation to even try.

Get the overload principle working for you. Get it working for you with your body. Your mind. The person you are. Throw yourself into the fray. Take the tough challenges head on. Get out of your comfort zone. Try new things. Every day, ask your body, your brain, your person, to be challenged, to attempt a new level of stress. You do this, and it’s guaranteed, there will be more joy, more success, more happiness in your life than one can imagine. Because taking it easy doesn’t make one happy. It is that sense of accomplishment, of seeing self-improvement, which drives happiness. And success.

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