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Why do I love a girl who made it clear that she doesn't and even though another great girl love me but I don't have the same feelings for her and I still miss my ex everyday and each day, it's been 10 years, I tell people that I moved on but I didn't, why?
This question was asked in Quora(Quora is social media app where people ask questions and get answers) to me by probably not an Indian
Read the answer below
Well, you have some serious issues
You should be consulting with a very good psychologist or psychiatrist instead questioning here on Quora.
This is not a laughing matter, you have issues buddy, as you said it's been 10 years!!!!
I know plenty of men who has the same experience as you have so you are not the odd man but they would have moved on by now and even if they aren't attracted to this current girl, they would go out with different girl to give himself fair chance and also tell this current girl the truth lightly as it could break her heart as well
Question yourself (although you may have already done everything but you seem to me the kind of person who might not)-
Why do I love her?
Why do I only love her?
Why do I feel I can't survive without her?
Do I believe too much on this soul mate crap?
Have I seen too much rom com?
Am I a very unrealistic person?
Why doesn't she feel the same way about me?
What is wrong with me?
Am I ugly?
Am I an unemployed person?
Am I out of shape?
Don't I have any sex appeal?
Why am I not attracted to this current girl?
Is it because she is ugly?
Is it because she doesn't have any sex appeal?
Is it because she doesn't know how to be romantic?
Am I some kind of love sick obsessed dick?
Now let me explain your type of male brain (I don't know you personally so let me go all the way, you can choose yourself, which is possible for you)-
You believe too much on this soul mate bullshit, buddy, subconsciously or consciously
This is why you are programmed to obsessed over her even though she clearly stated otherwise.
You probably have some kind of wild fantasy with her and it is so strong in your brain (it relaxes you, it gives you extraordinary peace) that you can't help but think about her everyday as it never fullfiled, in reality you will be disappointed more likely even if you are with her
You believed this fantasy of yours is only possible with that girl, this current girl doesn't even belong in the same league
Or you have a very simple fantasy with her, as it could be nothing to with sex but everything else like cooking with her, sharing stuff with her, cleaning with her, going to places with her, laughing with her, the way she looks at you, it isn't possible with others
You believe she understands you better than any other person or you don't want anyone to understand you as you feel either it could be better than her and you might forget her and you don't want that or she will not measure up
Maybe she left you because she knows you well
Have you ever thought about that?
Now I am guessing that you are not too outrageously ugly otherwise another girl who could be very ugly as well wouldn't have any feelings for you as she also doesn't have much options it seems, anyone else would have moved on by now knowing your obsession about that girl but she still here and that tells me she doesn't have much have options and ugly and you are incredibly lucky idiot
Now you don't have to settle with a girl that you don't have any feelings
But have you checked yourself infront of mirror?
Are you some kind of Tom Cruise?
I am guessing that you are not
But no-one is but they don't have this kind of unhealthy obsession with one girl either
Do you feel that you have some other skills like to make her laugh or something??
Let's get one thing straight-
You are wrong in so many occasions-
There's no such thing as soulmate in real world that only exists in rom com, either you have an wonderful chemistry with a wonderful girl that you are lucky to find or you grew into that eventually after some point of time, now this is what happens in real life
Unless you are one of those picking up girls type and regularly sleep with girl, speaking from personal experience those men lie a lot, they don't pick up as much girls as much as we are told, they go most nights alone, I know from experience
These men constantly groomed themselves and learning new ways to pick up girls, are you doing any of these things??
Girls generally like men who are well behaved, have good hygiene, but they also know who is a pick up artist, have a good job, stable personality, so that they can have a future with them
Those girls who are just trying to have sex, they also don't go for desperate people, they could go for badasses to thrill themselves as it is one night stand but it is just sex for one night and they also knows how to make sure that it doesn't turn into anything more than that, and if you are thinking otherwise, let me tell you don't, it won't, people are more capable of handling their emotions than you might expect so they would seem more cold than you expect, is something like that happened with you involving that girl?
A reality check for you buddy, real life is nothing like romantic movie, even if you are with your so called soulmates, you are going to have problems, I mean ugly problems, you need to adjust to each other, and if you are not with your so called soul mate, it's not that bad either, you will have a lot of unexpected surprise, it could be something that is beyond your expectation, you might end up having better experience than your wildest imagination
And what is this obsession with one Girl?? She is a human being with two boobs and one vagina, other Girls also have that, how do you know that they are not good enough for you? How do you know about everything about everything? Are you some kind of all knowing God? You are treating one girl as some kind of superior angel over others and insulting rest of girl population in the process, this is not very rational thinking
I think real problem is with you not whether she loves you back but you like being in this obsession with her, you like this whole process which is why even 10 years have not changed anything for you
This is why I told you about consulting with a psychologist or psychiatrist in the first place
You might not be in love with that girl
You are in love with this obsession of yours
Yeah, don't get surprised
This could very well be the real truth
Buddy, nothing is impossible, you can get out of this unhealthy obsession and move on and be happy with your life
You just need to give yourself a proper chance
Whenever you feel you are missing her, do these-
Involve yourself with positive, constructive work
You could involve yourself with some organisations that helps the poor people, helping the needy can be great peaceful and heavenly feelings, nothing can beat that, you will start to see the world differently
Groom yourself constantly
Go to gym
Go to dates
Meet as much as girls as possible
Don't expect anything, in dating world rejection is normal, you are only going for experience and to keep yourself busy, don't talk about ex in dates, treat her well, just have fun nothing more, again don't expect anything, just have fun, anything is possible
You will get over her
She isn't some special girl but just another one
You are special as well
You deserve better
I am a girl
But I am considered as the grass lying beside the path,
which is destined to be tread on
by a blind man
That blind is known as "customs".
I am a girl
But I am considerd as a Can lying on the street
destined to be kicked off
by a drunkard
That drunkard is called "society"
I am a girl
But I am considered as a blank wall
destined to bear all sorts of posters on me
those posters read " Be an idol daughter, sister,mother and wife."
I am a girl
But I am considered as a leaf lying on the ground
destined to be stamped by the traveller and left on with
dark foot marks behind
That traveller is termed as "rapist."
I am a girl
But I am considered as a flower
destined to be kept in temples by priests and then be thrown in drains
These priests are called "Fosters"
I am a girl
But I am treated as a property
destined to be bought and sold
by some heartless dealers
These dealers are termed as " traffickers"
I am a girl
But I am treated as a bird
destined to be caged forever
I am a girl
But I am treated as multifunctional machine, child bearing, homemaking,
or any thing you say like roti maker, puri maker and what not..
But mere machine... With no feelings
but just being used for the purpose
and not even being appreciated..
why beause you think this is my job
my so called "duty".. and what's yours?
I am a girl
And I am treated as every other object
In this world
except a girl..
But I am a girl
Just a girl
and now i no more will be
puppet of these "tags."
i no more will follow this
Blind idolism and
sacrifice my everything for you
for you my husband
for you my brother
for you my father
I tried being your Idol type
But I am not, I am sorry I am not
I Could no more bear your expectations
Of an idol girl I am sorry
I am sorry I am not a machine
I am not some object that will accept your disgrace, I am not that goat lying on that table to be sacrificed. I am a girl, and I am proud of it, I cannot fit in your idol image of a girl, I cannot fit in as the Goddess you worship on Ashtami and then be kept outside the temple like shoes when on my periods, I cannot be an object you expect me to be... I am a girl, just a girl and thats what you all need to see....
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aankho ki khata dil pe bhari thi
|Gyanshekhar Sharma |
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