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Content Distribution Tools #Notes
When you’re creating useful, actionable, epic content, everyone deserves to see it. So how do you get your hard work and effort seen by the largest audience possible?



The 3 Types of Content Distribution Channels
Before we dive into the tools, let’s start with an overview of content distribution. Essentially, when you distribute your content, you do so in three basic channels.
OwnedEarnedPaidOwned media includes the channels that belong to you, where you control the content. This can be your blog, website, email newsletter, and social media profiles.
Earned media involves others sharing your content. This can take the form of social media shares, guest posts, media coverage, and product reviews.
Paid media is the exposure you pay for, be it pay-per-click ads, display ads, social ads, or otherwise.

When viewed in a Venn diagram, you can see that these channels provide a bit of overlap with one another as content distribution can touch on many different channels for the same piece of content.


With this idea framework in mind, let’s look at some tools that help accomplish content distribution in each of the three major distribution channels: owned, earned, and paid.
The 17 Best Tools for Widespread Content Distribution

1. Buffer

We’ve found Buffer to be the simplest way to share your content to your social media channels on Twitter, Facebook, Google+, and LinkedIn. You can schedule your posts to publish at ideal times (or let Buffer decide when is best), and you can reshare older content by re-buffering straight from the app dashboard.


2. Edgar

A new tool for reposting content from your archives, Edgar helps with evergreen promotion by linking to your social channels and sharing old content at a regular drip.

3. WiseStamp

A complete, beautiful email signature that can contain the typical contact information plus a host of other social media, RSS, and content distribution tidbits. You can show your latest tweet or hook up your RSS feed to show your latest blogpost.


4. Goodbits

Create an email newsletter full of amazing links (including the content of yours you want to distribute). Goodbits lets you drag-and-drop content from a queue made up of any RSS feed you connect as well as any articles you add via the bookmarklet or browser extension. You can then customize, edit, and send to your contacts, including your MailChimp list and segments.


5. MailChimp

Speaking of email newsletters, MailChimp is one of the biggest and best (and free) ways to send email to your list of contacts. You can set up automated campaigns that deliver each new post that you write, or you can create campaigns from scratch. MailChimp offers free accounts for those with fewer than 2,000 contacts in their list.

6. SumoMe

The suite of tools offered by the SumoMe WordPress plugin helps considerably with owned media and earned media. For owned media, SumoMe offers list building tools that include a subscription scroll box, a signup bar, list popup, and incentives/giveaways widget.

In terms of earned media, SumoMe makes it easy for others to share images on your blogposts as well as the posts themselves.

7. OnePress Social Locker

This WordPress plugin allows you to lock a portion of your content behind a social share button so that the content can only be accessed once a user shares to Twitter, Facebook, or Google+.


8. Help a Reporter (HARO)

HARO lets you connect with journalists looking for a source. If you’ve got an expertise or experience in a certain area, you can sign up at HARO and a reporter could get in touch!

9. PR Newswire

Got something newsworthy to share? Consider going the press route. PR Newswire can help with distribution of news, announcements, and events to a variety of sources. If you sign up, a rep from PR Newswire will get in touch directly to authorize your account and help with any press release promotion you need.

10. List.ly

Build a list about anything—resources for your niche, articles you love, helpful tools, recommended books, etc. Grab links from around the web (including yours), and publish and share—and even embed—your list so that others can see.


11. Buzzstream

Buzzstream provides a host of services that assist with link building. You can find influencers in your niche who may want to share your content, and you can organize outreach efforts all the way from list building to measuring responses.

12. Boomerang for Gmail

Outreach to fellow bloggers and influencers may require a bit of followup. With Boomerang, you can schedule your emails and automate follow-ups.


13. Contently

Writers, authors, and journalists can create a portfolio at Contently, which can then be viewed and shared by just about anyone—readers, social media users, and even potential employers. The Contently platform helps connect content producers with those in need of content, and the service acts as a great way to distribute your own writing in one consistent place.


14. Storify

Collect content from across the web—blogposts, tweets, and more—and place it into a Storify page. We use Storify for recaps of our Bufferchats on Twitter. The service integrates all types of media from videos to articles and everything in between.

15. Outbrain

Have you ever come across a series of links at the end of an article? Would it be cool to see your content there? You can sign up for this kind of service at Outbrain, which feeds related/interesting content to pages all over the Internet.

Similar services include Disqus, Taboola, Skyword, and SimpleReach. Contently did a great breakdown of the pros and cons (and costs) of these paid channels, and Powered By Search has a list of great options, too.

16. Facebook sponsored posts

In a similar way to Facebook ads, you can pay to have your page’s posts seen by more users on the network. You can boost any post from your page and target the boost to reach a particular demographic of location, age, gender, or interest.

17. Promoted tweets

Like Facebook sponsored posts, you can get more views on your tweets by paying to promote a tweet to a larger audience. This occurs through the Twitter ads dashboard where you can compose an original tweet to promote or grab one from your stream that you’d like more people to see.

2 Love
Marriage ❌

(caption) #gif

Marriage is a very risky option. Let me explain you the whole thing through a story.

Arrange marriage :

Divya (imaginary name) was married to a guy, named Ravi (imaginary name). In the beginning of their married life, Divya was trying to understand her in laws and also her husband. Even Ravi was very calm nature he was with her in every situation.
But the problem arrived after few years, when their financial condition was not good and Ravi felt alone but his wife Divya stood with him and helped him financially.
Days passed and now Ravi is jobless and eveything is handled by Divya. Everyday she wakes up early and do every household work plus she started doing a job.
She came home late because she was working extra hours, and on the second hand Ravi do nothing at home. He just watch tv and now he was not even trying to solve all the things. He was enjoying being jobless. He didn't felt thankful of his wife.

Days passed and Divya was still doing job to solve all financial problems and simultaneously she was handling her household works.
One day she asked her husband "i am working outside so you should atleast help me at home".
Then suddenly Ravi shouted and blamed her for wanting him to do useless household work.


I only want to indicate the truth through this , that if one is working hard to maintain relationship than other doesn't even value it. A relationship is a mutual ship in which both the person should contribute equally.


(Now another story)

Love Marriage:

Kunal (imaginary name) was married to Payal(imaginary name). Both were deeply in love with each other so they decided to stay together forever.
So the twist occurs here when Kunal was so busy in his business that he was not giving time to his wife.
Payal was very understanding but sometimes her patience gets out of control and she argue with Kunal.Then everytime kunal say sorry.
As the time was passing, payal was also going far from him.
And one day she decided for divorce.
Kunal was shocked about divorce, he apologised her but nothing worked,
because she started liking someone else when his husband was busy.

And finally they both were divorced.


So my perspective of telling two different stories of two different types of marriages is that it does not matter whether you are arranged or loved. Matter here is, if two people want to stay together forever then one of them has to compromise.

And why one should compromise when the other person is not even understanding the problem.

And according to me it is very dangerous option to get married because compromise could be one time
but marriage wants compromise every day, which is not good.

Is getting married good only because of fear of being alone. But what's the use of that partner with whom your heart is filled with tears and you get frustrated of everyday issues.

Ya i know life goes in zig zag motion so we should accept the reality that marriage is important in indian society and after marriage issues are part of life.
BUT WHY?
As,life will remain same if we will not select the option of marriage then why moving in zig zag motion for others, we can taste the tastes of life alone also.


In short 😀 Don't get married 😂

#Nojoto

17 Love
VICTIM OF RAPE..

I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé  suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me.

It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired.

Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed? 

What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus.

It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that.

My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home.

The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself.

My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon.

As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue.

I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together.

And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind.

Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T.

But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different. 

Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning.

I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward.

Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room.

Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded.

I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean.

I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years.

Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought.

The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one.

TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way. 

Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily. 

It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word.

I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend.

After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God.

We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT. 

I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me.

WHY?                 WHY??                 WHY???

All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom.

Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone.

In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling.

Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that.

Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself.

I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members).

I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent.

Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place.

Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders.

After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness.

I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me.

She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration. 

“Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?"

“Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues."

"Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?"

“Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?" 

"Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family."

"Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships."

"This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure."

“Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way."

"Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins."

"You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities?

I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX!  Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it. 

It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered.

The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape. 

Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all.

In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail. 

Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant."

I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God. 

Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn.

Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on.

Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now.

We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape. 

Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name.

Jesus is the solution to all situation.

I'm Winnie making impact.

I say NO to rape.

I say NO to suicide.

Yes to freedom in  Christ.

I help singles lead godly healthy relationship.

I Write, Speak and Advocate.

©Winnie Ene Louisa

#Saynotorape
#saynotosexualabuse
#saynotosuicide

23 Love
2 Share

VICTIM OF RAPE..

I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me.

It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired.

Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed?

What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus.

It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that.

My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home.

The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself.

My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon.

As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue.

I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together.

And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind.

Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T.

But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different.

Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning.

I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward.

Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room.

Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded.

I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean.

I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years.

Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought.

The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one.

TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way.

Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily.

It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word.

I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend.

After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God.

We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT.

I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me.

WHY? WHY?? WHY???

All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom.

Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone.

In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling.

Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that.

Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself.

I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members).

I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent.

Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place.

Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders.

After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness.

I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me.

She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration.

“Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?"

“Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues."

"Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?"

“Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?"

"Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family."

"Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships."

"This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure."

“Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way."

"Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins."

"You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities?

I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX! Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it.

It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered.

The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape.

Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all.

In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail.

Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant."

I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God.

Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn.

Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on.

Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now.

We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape.

Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name.

Jesus is the solution to all situation.

I'm Winnie making impact.

I say NO to rape.

I say NO to suicide.

Yes to freedom in Christ.

I help singles lead godly healthy relationship.

I Write, Speak and Advocate.

©Winnie Ene Louisa

4 Love

You don’t have to get married

’I’m not a big fan of marriage
I think marriage takes really talented dreamers and creative beings that are capable of creating real change and puts them inside this widely accepted institution of marriage, where they will then spend most of their time, emotions, magic, and valuable energy trying to be “good“ citizens and live up to the impossible ”perfect marriage/perfect family“ illusion that has been so successfully placed in our heads. Marriage also has the potential to produce a lethal feeling that we now have ownership of another soul because they said “I do,” gave us a ring and signed a contract saying they would not leave us (do you ever stop to look at how crazy it all is?).
One of the greatest deceptions we can fall victim to is the lie that we should need someone else in our life in order to be complete.
We are set up waiting for Mr. or Mrs. right to come along so that we can begin our life and be truly happy
I’ve been with the same man for 15 years and we still really, really like each other. I think that has a lot to do with the fact that we each stand alone, beautiful, creating light, both working toward helping each other reach our individual goals. We are so incredibly different, but neither of us is fighting to change the other. We have grown to respect and appreciate each other as we are. We don’t need one another. We enjoy each other, but we don’t need each other... there’s a big difference. The most unromantic line in the world is ”you complete me" — it literally makes me want to scream when I hear it at weddings. I want to complete myself.

Spin solo until you are in perfect harmony with source and are able to create magic alone. Then you can, if you choose, attract someone who can spin along side you. The result is two beautiful souls who are spinning separately, but in perfect harmony... that’s where magic happens!

What about children?

I don’t believe we were all meant to have children and the pressure created by our culture to have a family is RIDICULOUS! That being said, once the decision to have children is made or made for you, then yes, it’s beneficial for their sake to find a mate willing to help you give them the best life possible. That doesn’t mean you both live in the same house, but you are committed to working together peacefully to make sure the children are given the support they need to grow into healthy, confident and emotionally stable members of society.
If you do get married, because that’s what you want... WONDERFUL! Just make sure to keep your expectations realistic and be open and honest about how you’re feeling. It’s unhealthy for anyone to be in a long term relationship where they feel trapped and miserable. It’s also why we have so much trauma related to relationships in our life that didn’t last... mother/father, first love, etc. because we had this fairy tale image of what love looks like and when it turned out different we were crushed.
Don’t marry your soul mate

Billy is a good friend (the best, really). He’s the man that thinks I’m wonderful, amazing and incredibly gorgeous. He’s all in and ready to help and support me and this unit in anyway he can. He’s the most incredible father and team-mate. We are perfect for each other in so many ways. We bring out the best in each other almost always. We don’t need or cling to each other and are able to stand alone even though we’d prefer to stand together. This relationship is easy and gets shit done. Billy is sweet, patient... downright wonderful and I love him, but he’s not my soul mate in some kind of mystical, ancient bond, finish your sentences kind of way. We are together in a perfectly unique union that has a purpose completely unique to itself.

What is a soul mate? Is there such a thing? Each of us will answer these questions differently depending on your belief system. I personally believe soul mates are people we’ve been connected to since the beginning of time. People that weave in and out of this massive interconnected web that is a collection of our many lives. Souls matched perfectly with ours to help us grow. Our soul mate or mates aren’t always meant to be our lovers. I think this is really important for all of us to understand. As a culture we seem to struggle with understanding deep relationships that aren’t sexual or unions that aren’t romantic, but have a greater purpose. Any deep connection sensed between two people is meant to become romantic, right? No. There are all kinds of connections in this wild life.
I believe soul mates exist and they will show up in each life when you need them. They come to push you, challenge you, wake you up and push you forward. Honestly, you’re probably better off not marrying that person, because then you’ll get caught up in creating the ideal marriage (WHATEVER THE HELL THAT EVEN IS) and forget why your souls were put together from the beginning. You’ll all too easily forget that your job is to help each other evolve as quickly as possible not torture each other into this bizarre role we’ve created that a husband and wife ought to play. Because who knows what that looks like for each of us. Lord knows we’ve all experienced interesting versions of those characters.
It’s this idea that one person is supposed to meet all of our needs that sets us up for heartache and disappointment. Instead, why don’t we look first at what it is we would like our relationship with another human to create or accomplish. Then believe that the universe will send us a perfect match for that goal. If you just want to have great sex and travel around the world then you will call forth a completely different soul than if you want to raise a family. If you aren’t sure, just trust me on this one. Knowing exactly what we want is the first step to being able to create the most magical union ever.
Listen, I’m not an expert, and I certainly haven’t figured it all out. I do know one thing for certain though, and that is the reality that what we are doing is working. How many happy couples do you know? Okay. How many do you know that have been together longer than a few years and have kids? Not just comfortable, but truly happy. It makes you wonder if we have it all wrong. We are all searching for that crazy, wild, intense love of our life to match up with and stay with that person at all costs till death do us part. Maybe, just maybe, we should be looking for something completely and totally different.
Let’s rewrite the norm.
Let’s hack parenting, love, partnerships, friendships, connections, soul mate unions, LIFE, and marriage as we know it and create what works, what feels right to our soul without being afraid of upsetting the norm.
Because in case no one has told you, normal is WAY overrated.

4 Love

Content Distribution Tools #Notes
When you’re creating useful, actionable, epic content, everyone deserves to see it. So how do you get your hard work and effort seen by the largest audience possible?



The 3 Types of Content Distribution Channels
Before we dive into the tools, let’s start with an overview of content distribution. Essentially, when you distribute your content, you do so in three basic channels.
OwnedEarnedPaidOwned media includes the channels that belong to you, where you control the content. This can be your blog, website, email newsletter, and social media profiles.
Earned media involves others sharing your content. This can take the form of social media shares, guest posts, media coverage, and product reviews.
Paid media is the exposure you pay for, be it pay-per-click ads, display ads, social ads, or otherwise.

When viewed in a Venn diagram, you can see that these channels provide a bit of overlap with one another as content distribution can touch on many different channels for the same piece of content.


With this idea framework in mind, let’s look at some tools that help accomplish content distribution in each of the three major distribution channels: owned, earned, and paid.
The 17 Best Tools for Widespread Content Distribution

1. Buffer

We’ve found Buffer to be the simplest way to share your content to your social media channels on Twitter, Facebook, Google+, and LinkedIn. You can schedule your posts to publish at ideal times (or let Buffer decide when is best), and you can reshare older content by re-buffering straight from the app dashboard.


2. Edgar

A new tool for reposting content from your archives, Edgar helps with evergreen promotion by linking to your social channels and sharing old content at a regular drip.

3. WiseStamp

A complete, beautiful email signature that can contain the typical contact information plus a host of other social media, RSS, and content distribution tidbits. You can show your latest tweet or hook up your RSS feed to show your latest blogpost.


4. Goodbits

Create an email newsletter full of amazing links (including the content of yours you want to distribute). Goodbits lets you drag-and-drop content from a queue made up of any RSS feed you connect as well as any articles you add via the bookmarklet or browser extension. You can then customize, edit, and send to your contacts, including your MailChimp list and segments.


5. MailChimp

Speaking of email newsletters, MailChimp is one of the biggest and best (and free) ways to send email to your list of contacts. You can set up automated campaigns that deliver each new post that you write, or you can create campaigns from scratch. MailChimp offers free accounts for those with fewer than 2,000 contacts in their list.

6. SumoMe

The suite of tools offered by the SumoMe WordPress plugin helps considerably with owned media and earned media. For owned media, SumoMe offers list building tools that include a subscription scroll box, a signup bar, list popup, and incentives/giveaways widget.

In terms of earned media, SumoMe makes it easy for others to share images on your blogposts as well as the posts themselves.

7. OnePress Social Locker

This WordPress plugin allows you to lock a portion of your content behind a social share button so that the content can only be accessed once a user shares to Twitter, Facebook, or Google+.


8. Help a Reporter (HARO)

HARO lets you connect with journalists looking for a source. If you’ve got an expertise or experience in a certain area, you can sign up at HARO and a reporter could get in touch!

9. PR Newswire

Got something newsworthy to share? Consider going the press route. PR Newswire can help with distribution of news, announcements, and events to a variety of sources. If you sign up, a rep from PR Newswire will get in touch directly to authorize your account and help with any press release promotion you need.

10. List.ly

Build a list about anything—resources for your niche, articles you love, helpful tools, recommended books, etc. Grab links from around the web (including yours), and publish and share—and even embed—your list so that others can see.


11. Buzzstream

Buzzstream provides a host of services that assist with link building. You can find influencers in your niche who may want to share your content, and you can organize outreach efforts all the way from list building to measuring responses.

12. Boomerang for Gmail

Outreach to fellow bloggers and influencers may require a bit of followup. With Boomerang, you can schedule your emails and automate follow-ups.


13. Contently

Writers, authors, and journalists can create a portfolio at Contently, which can then be viewed and shared by just about anyone—readers, social media users, and even potential employers. The Contently platform helps connect content producers with those in need of content, and the service acts as a great way to distribute your own writing in one consistent place.


14. Storify

Collect content from across the web—blogposts, tweets, and more—and place it into a Storify page. We use Storify for recaps of our Bufferchats on Twitter. The service integrates all types of media from videos to articles and everything in between.

15. Outbrain

Have you ever come across a series of links at the end of an article? Would it be cool to see your content there? You can sign up for this kind of service at Outbrain, which feeds related/interesting content to pages all over the Internet.

Similar services include Disqus, Taboola, Skyword, and SimpleReach. Contently did a great breakdown of the pros and cons (and costs) of these paid channels, and Powered By Search has a list of great options, too.

16. Facebook sponsored posts

In a similar way to Facebook ads, you can pay to have your page’s posts seen by more users on the network. You can boost any post from your page and target the boost to reach a particular demographic of location, age, gender, or interest.

17. Promoted tweets

Like Facebook sponsored posts, you can get more views on your tweets by paying to promote a tweet to a larger audience. This occurs through the Twitter ads dashboard where you can compose an original tweet to promote or grab one from your stream that you’d like more people to see.

2 Love
Marriage ❌

(caption) #gif

Marriage is a very risky option. Let me explain you the whole thing through a story.

Arrange marriage :

Divya (imaginary name) was married to a guy, named Ravi (imaginary name). In the beginning of their married life, Divya was trying to understand her in laws and also her husband. Even Ravi was very calm nature he was with her in every situation.
But the problem arrived after few years, when their financial condition was not good and Ravi felt alone but his wife Divya stood with him and helped him financially.
Days passed and now Ravi is jobless and eveything is handled by Divya. Everyday she wakes up early and do every household work plus she started doing a job.
She came home late because she was working extra hours, and on the second hand Ravi do nothing at home. He just watch tv and now he was not even trying to solve all the things. He was enjoying being jobless. He didn't felt thankful of his wife.

Days passed and Divya was still doing job to solve all financial problems and simultaneously she was handling her household works.
One day she asked her husband "i am working outside so you should atleast help me at home".
Then suddenly Ravi shouted and blamed her for wanting him to do useless household work.


I only want to indicate the truth through this , that if one is working hard to maintain relationship than other doesn't even value it. A relationship is a mutual ship in which both the person should contribute equally.


(Now another story)

Love Marriage:

Kunal (imaginary name) was married to Payal(imaginary name). Both were deeply in love with each other so they decided to stay together forever.
So the twist occurs here when Kunal was so busy in his business that he was not giving time to his wife.
Payal was very understanding but sometimes her patience gets out of control and she argue with Kunal.Then everytime kunal say sorry.
As the time was passing, payal was also going far from him.
And one day she decided for divorce.
Kunal was shocked about divorce, he apologised her but nothing worked,
because she started liking someone else when his husband was busy.

And finally they both were divorced.


So my perspective of telling two different stories of two different types of marriages is that it does not matter whether you are arranged or loved. Matter here is, if two people want to stay together forever then one of them has to compromise.

And why one should compromise when the other person is not even understanding the problem.

And according to me it is very dangerous option to get married because compromise could be one time
but marriage wants compromise every day, which is not good.

Is getting married good only because of fear of being alone. But what's the use of that partner with whom your heart is filled with tears and you get frustrated of everyday issues.

Ya i know life goes in zig zag motion so we should accept the reality that marriage is important in indian society and after marriage issues are part of life.
BUT WHY?
As,life will remain same if we will not select the option of marriage then why moving in zig zag motion for others, we can taste the tastes of life alone also.


In short 😀 Don't get married 😂

#Nojoto

17 Love
VICTIM OF RAPE..

I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé  suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me.

It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired.

Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed? 

What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus.

It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that.

My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home.

The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself.

My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon.

As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue.

I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together.

And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind.

Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T.

But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different. 

Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning.

I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward.

Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room.

Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded.

I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean.

I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years.

Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought.

The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one.

TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way. 

Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily. 

It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word.

I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend.

After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God.

We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT. 

I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me.

WHY?                 WHY??                 WHY???

All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom.

Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone.

In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling.

Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that.

Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself.

I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members).

I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent.

Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place.

Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders.

After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness.

I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me.

She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration. 

“Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?"

“Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues."

"Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?"

“Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?" 

"Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family."

"Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships."

"This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure."

“Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way."

"Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins."

"You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities?

I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX!  Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it. 

It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered.

The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape. 

Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all.

In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail. 

Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant."

I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God. 

Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn.

Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on.

Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now.

We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape. 

Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name.

Jesus is the solution to all situation.

I'm Winnie making impact.

I say NO to rape.

I say NO to suicide.

Yes to freedom in  Christ.

I help singles lead godly healthy relationship.

I Write, Speak and Advocate.

©Winnie Ene Louisa

#Saynotorape
#saynotosexualabuse
#saynotosuicide

23 Love
2 Share

VICTIM OF RAPE..

I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me.

It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired.

Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed?

What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus.

It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that.

My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home.

The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself.

My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon.

As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue.

I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together.

And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind.

Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T.

But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different.

Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning.

I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward.

Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room.

Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded.

I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean.

I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years.

Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought.

The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one.

TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way.

Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily.

It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word.

I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend.

After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God.

We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT.

I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me.

WHY? WHY?? WHY???

All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom.

Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone.

In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling.

Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that.

Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself.

I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members).

I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent.

Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place.

Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders.

After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness.

I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me.

She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration.

“Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?"

“Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues."

"Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?"

“Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?"

"Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family."

"Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships."

"This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure."

“Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way."

"Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins."

"You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities?

I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX! Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it.

It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered.

The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape.

Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all.

In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail.

Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant."

I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God.

Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn.

Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on.

Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now.

We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape.

Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name.

Jesus is the solution to all situation.

I'm Winnie making impact.

I say NO to rape.

I say NO to suicide.

Yes to freedom in Christ.

I help singles lead godly healthy relationship.

I Write, Speak and Advocate.

©Winnie Ene Louisa

4 Love

You don’t have to get married

’I’m not a big fan of marriage
I think marriage takes really talented dreamers and creative beings that are capable of creating real change and puts them inside this widely accepted institution of marriage, where they will then spend most of their time, emotions, magic, and valuable energy trying to be “good“ citizens and live up to the impossible ”perfect marriage/perfect family“ illusion that has been so successfully placed in our heads. Marriage also has the potential to produce a lethal feeling that we now have ownership of another soul because they said “I do,” gave us a ring and signed a contract saying they would not leave us (do you ever stop to look at how crazy it all is?).
One of the greatest deceptions we can fall victim to is the lie that we should need someone else in our life in order to be complete.
We are set up waiting for Mr. or Mrs. right to come along so that we can begin our life and be truly happy
I’ve been with the same man for 15 years and we still really, really like each other. I think that has a lot to do with the fact that we each stand alone, beautiful, creating light, both working toward helping each other reach our individual goals. We are so incredibly different, but neither of us is fighting to change the other. We have grown to respect and appreciate each other as we are. We don’t need one another. We enjoy each other, but we don’t need each other... there’s a big difference. The most unromantic line in the world is ”you complete me" — it literally makes me want to scream when I hear it at weddings. I want to complete myself.

Spin solo until you are in perfect harmony with source and are able to create magic alone. Then you can, if you choose, attract someone who can spin along side you. The result is two beautiful souls who are spinning separately, but in perfect harmony... that’s where magic happens!

What about children?

I don’t believe we were all meant to have children and the pressure created by our culture to have a family is RIDICULOUS! That being said, once the decision to have children is made or made for you, then yes, it’s beneficial for their sake to find a mate willing to help you give them the best life possible. That doesn’t mean you both live in the same house, but you are committed to working together peacefully to make sure the children are given the support they need to grow into healthy, confident and emotionally stable members of society.
If you do get married, because that’s what you want... WONDERFUL! Just make sure to keep your expectations realistic and be open and honest about how you’re feeling. It’s unhealthy for anyone to be in a long term relationship where they feel trapped and miserable. It’s also why we have so much trauma related to relationships in our life that didn’t last... mother/father, first love, etc. because we had this fairy tale image of what love looks like and when it turned out different we were crushed.
Don’t marry your soul mate

Billy is a good friend (the best, really). He’s the man that thinks I’m wonderful, amazing and incredibly gorgeous. He’s all in and ready to help and support me and this unit in anyway he can. He’s the most incredible father and team-mate. We are perfect for each other in so many ways. We bring out the best in each other almost always. We don’t need or cling to each other and are able to stand alone even though we’d prefer to stand together. This relationship is easy and gets shit done. Billy is sweet, patient... downright wonderful and I love him, but he’s not my soul mate in some kind of mystical, ancient bond, finish your sentences kind of way. We are together in a perfectly unique union that has a purpose completely unique to itself.

What is a soul mate? Is there such a thing? Each of us will answer these questions differently depending on your belief system. I personally believe soul mates are people we’ve been connected to since the beginning of time. People that weave in and out of this massive interconnected web that is a collection of our many lives. Souls matched perfectly with ours to help us grow. Our soul mate or mates aren’t always meant to be our lovers. I think this is really important for all of us to understand. As a culture we seem to struggle with understanding deep relationships that aren’t sexual or unions that aren’t romantic, but have a greater purpose. Any deep connection sensed between two people is meant to become romantic, right? No. There are all kinds of connections in this wild life.
I believe soul mates exist and they will show up in each life when you need them. They come to push you, challenge you, wake you up and push you forward. Honestly, you’re probably better off not marrying that person, because then you’ll get caught up in creating the ideal marriage (WHATEVER THE HELL THAT EVEN IS) and forget why your souls were put together from the beginning. You’ll all too easily forget that your job is to help each other evolve as quickly as possible not torture each other into this bizarre role we’ve created that a husband and wife ought to play. Because who knows what that looks like for each of us. Lord knows we’ve all experienced interesting versions of those characters.
It’s this idea that one person is supposed to meet all of our needs that sets us up for heartache and disappointment. Instead, why don’t we look first at what it is we would like our relationship with another human to create or accomplish. Then believe that the universe will send us a perfect match for that goal. If you just want to have great sex and travel around the world then you will call forth a completely different soul than if you want to raise a family. If you aren’t sure, just trust me on this one. Knowing exactly what we want is the first step to being able to create the most magical union ever.
Listen, I’m not an expert, and I certainly haven’t figured it all out. I do know one thing for certain though, and that is the reality that what we are doing is working. How many happy couples do you know? Okay. How many do you know that have been together longer than a few years and have kids? Not just comfortable, but truly happy. It makes you wonder if we have it all wrong. We are all searching for that crazy, wild, intense love of our life to match up with and stay with that person at all costs till death do us part. Maybe, just maybe, we should be looking for something completely and totally different.
Let’s rewrite the norm.
Let’s hack parenting, love, partnerships, friendships, connections, soul mate unions, LIFE, and marriage as we know it and create what works, what feels right to our soul without being afraid of upsetting the norm.
Because in case no one has told you, normal is WAY overrated.

4 Love