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It was my first day at school.... my new school. Heard about it before that teachers are very strict, students are bold and fluent, no talk in Hindi only English is allowed otherwise, a thin cane is waiting to decorate your palms with beat marks, so yes I was scared. By the way, I am Kiara, a person full of curiosity and creativity. I was not mastero in speaking English but I was sure that I will learn. I entered the class labeled 7th standard.... now it's weird that instead of analyzing the class, my attention was dragged towards a boy behaving as if he has not seen girls before.... I mean he was not staring at but was behaving as he is alegeretic from them. It was Rohan.... although I don't like judging people or making advance perceptions but at that very moment, I didn't like him or to be honest I hated him.......

Classes started and with time all unknown became friends.... oh again let me clarify, girls and boys became friends not among them but within them separately. Now there are two groups.... girls gang and boys gang. Simultaneously we all were divided into different houses.... I was in Yellow, my favorite colour and he was in Yellow, my not so favorite and that too the HOUSE CAPTAIN. I don't know what was his problem.... why he is always like "I me aur mein". He don't speak nicely, he don't walk nicely, he don't behave nicely, he don't smile nicely.... actually he is a jerk.

It's gonna be fun.... fest week is going to start and I am super excited for so many things race, relley, kho-kho, high jump, dance and March past. We started practicing long ago for March Past as it's all about coordination here. Being a Captain, it was Rohan's duty to lead, command and along with that monitor the rest of the house while programmes. We were senior most in school so duties were alotted to us as well. I have to keep younger ones quite as told by so called Rohan.

Sports were started and we all pulled our socks, forgetting that who we HATE, came together to make YELLOW win. Girls won relley and kho-kho and boys won cricket but here comes the most dramatic scene when "Mr. Rohan was immediately taken to classroom after the match followed by school boys CRUSH Ms. Priya and few students including ME.... OK so I didn't go to check on him, it was my class too I had some work.... fine I wanted to see he is hurt or just acting. He shouted like hell when Ms. Priya tried to put dettol. I was curious to see how much he is hurt and I found the same thing which I was expecting.... a SCRATCH that's it, how can he create scene like daily soap over just a small scratch.... he behaved as if he is Rohini not Rohan. He saw me smiling at him and I continued as I love watching him like this.... ah no doubt he too don't leave any chance to bother me as he did the very next day.

I was trying to make children quite so I just said "keep quite otherwise your stupid Captain will come". He heard that.... I thought he would be angry or would not talk to me that we usually don't but Iiiiiii never imagined "what he did that day".... complained to Ms. Priya, like seeeeeeeriously. Are you kidding me.... you are grown up how can you do like nersery child, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I HATE YOU.

With time things were settled, we got busy into boards and all. I never took any tution classes but in 12th standard I decided to join Nair Aunty's classes for Physics. Rohan also use to come there but this is not which I was bothered about. I was worried about my decision as my father use to teach me till now and I was scared if he will be hurt about my decision. We discussed things and he was fine with it.

At tution on my first day, Rohan was surprised to see me or I should say he was shocked and definitely not happy....... so do I, our friends were aware about this disliking for each other. I don't know but what just happened to my friend's, they use to poke me when Rohan arrives at classes......"look na you both are wearing same colour, see he is staring you and so on".

Boards were on head and atmosphere at home was very tensed. Here suddenly, parents realised their duties. Papa's have to hide laptop chargers, tabs, ipads and Mom's have to hide TV remote, novels. There was a strict rule "NO TV". In all this, I was confused because I started thinking about Rohan, his mischiefs, my fights with him, his stupisities.....his smile, his face, his.......WHAT is happening to me why I am thinking about him.

I tried diverting my mind and focus towards studies alongwith that I thought to figure it out after exams.

We were done with board exams and all other competitive exams also. Now this was the time when we were waiting for our results and college counseling. Our daily routine was to eat, sleep and roam with friends. There were no studies as we don't know what to study, there were no hiding of entertainment stuff, it felt like heaven.......

I figured out the Rohan's matter, I decided to tell him that I think "I love you". I told this to one of our common friend Meera, she told me that Rohan already have a girlfriend. I was broken and there were so many filmy lines which were coming to my mind......"mera pelha pyar adhura reh gaya", "tujhe yaad na meri aayi kisise ab kya kehna", "tu pyar hai kisi aur ka tujhe chahta koi aur hai", "aacha chalti hoon duaooo mein yaad rakhna......". Then I thought to tell him because atleast I will be ok that I told him......

On 9th December, 2011 @ 06:00 PM, I called him and yes Rohan was shocked about my call, I said "I LOVE YOU". Rohan said "I have a girlfriend". I said "I KNOW", I told him "I hope the way you love her, she also do". He took a pause and said "I think so". The call was dropped and I was happy not because I told him but because "if he didn't say YES then also he didn't say NO". We moved on with college. He went Ahemdabad and I went Kelera......

After completion of first semester, students were very happy as it was home coming after soo long. I was packing my bags and was so excited to meet my school friends and may be Rohan.......we reached hometown back to back and planned a reunion. Riya (my school friend) called me and said "Rohan was asking for your number". Ok now where were this comes from.......I asked "WHY". She said she has given my number. I was confused what he wanna say, Is he going to say I......... Naaaa he will not. I was pretty happy that Riya gave him my number as I got to know earlier "he broke up with his girlfriend".

At reunion, we all met and everything went on well. In the evening, Rohan called "I am sorry". I asked "Sorry for what". He said "Sorry because I didn't accept your proposal at that time". I said "Proposal???? it's ok, we were kids and now I imagine that how I proposed you......". We laughed over this thing but I was aware on back of my mind that I still love him and whatever I said was because I didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

Semester break was over and we went to our colleges. Rohan and I started talking on phone. I found him good and he found me practical. With time UG was completed, he started with job and I went for PG degree.

I am 24, have a job but planning to change. Here I am planning to start my career and there my parents are planning to get rid of me.......in simple words, they are planning to get me married which I don't want. All these years I focused on studies and was just not able to stop thinking about him. We talk sometimes and everytime I start loving him more. I imagine him when I am sad I imagine him when I am happy, his only thought brings smile on my face he is always with me I imagine him in every situation I make my own stories with him I fell for him more and more......

Finally on 15th February, 2018 @ 11:00 PM I called him......

Rohan: Hi, kaisa hai beta?

Kiara: (Oh I love him more when he calls me "beta", thinking in mind) Hi, Mein badiya tum kaise ho.

Rohan: I am good.

Kiara: I hope you were not sleeping and even if you were then wake up its quite important.

Rohan: If I say that I was sleeping than I know you won't let me so yeah.......tell me

Kiara: Ok so I am confused ahmmmmmmm Rohan what were you doing?

Rohan: I am pretty sure you didn't call me to ask this.......right?

Kiara: Ok so I just called to say......I mean ask......I mean say......

Rohan: Yeah tell me I am listening

Kiara: Wait a second I think on the back of your mind you know what am I gonna say?

Rohan: Yes but I want to hear it from you.

Kiara: (ab jab sammne wala aise reply karega toh aapko toh positive wines hi aayenge na, thinking in mind) Ok so I wanted......I will start from beginning OK

Rohan: Don't tell me tu mujhe lamba pakane wali hai.

Kiara: Shut up

Rohan: I was kidding beta

Kiara: So Rohan I use to hate you alot from 7th to 12th standard.

Rohan: Hate?

Kiara: Yes and then I don't know what just happened to me and I......

Rohan: Say it

Kiara: I like you

Rohan: Silent.......

Kiara: Ok so I will give background music dhiding dhiding dhiding.......

Rohan: Hehe

Kiara: One more thing.......this is not a question I just wanted to tell you......I don't want any ANSWER from you I just wanna let you know

Rohan: I know you are not dying for me and you don't find me special but yes I am feeling special at this time.

Kiara: Hehe

Rohan: (after a long silence) Hey, I like you too because I can share anything with you, whenever I feel like talking I have you and trust me I don't want you to solve my problems with me......I just want you to sit with me and listen to me.

Kiara: Okk so now you are confusing me......there is a difference between your liking and mine.

Rohan:. Yes, there is a difference.

Kiara: You clarified your side now it's my turn......Rohan......no matter I am sad or happy I always imagine you.....if I have so many problems or if I have solution to each of them.....I just thik that you are with me.

Rohan: Wao I am proud of you because I would never be able to say and I am very glad you said this to ME.

Kiara: Hmmmm

Rohan: Well tomorrow I am leaving for cousins (our common family friend) wedding, you also come na I will be bored there alone.

Kiara: Naaaa you have fun

Rohan: (it's 12:07 PM) I want to say something I hope you will not scold me.....

Kiara: No I will not......tell me

Rohan: I am very sleepy

Kiara: Expected.......you can sleep

Rohan: I will call you once I reach to the wedding point.

Kiara: Sure......

Rohan: Bye beta

Kiara: (don't go......I love you, thinking in mind) Bye.......

I feel like getting him off my head and very next moment I feel like hugging him tightly. I know I love him and also I want to get over him. I will not call it a one sided love story......all I will call it is "a complete love story without an ANSWER".

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Jab roj school m aate hai to gussa bda aata hai
Lekin school se jane k baad school, yaad bda aata hai

Dher sara homework or teachers ki punishment 
Dosto sang masti ka maja aisa
Jaise function ke end mein refreshment

Jab chhote the hum to rote-rote school aaya krte the
Har dusre teesre din chhuti ka koi bhana bnaya krte the

Fir dosto sang Dosti bdhne lgi
Sharartein or masti bhi bdhne lgi
Acha lgne lga tha dosto sang rhna
Or fir Sunday ki chhuti bhi boring lgne lgi 

Teachers ke class m na aane tk bda shor mchate the
Agar 2 dost na aaye to sb milkr chhuti kr jate the

Bde ho jate h jb to smjhdari aati hai
Lekin hum mein to nadaniya bdhne lgi thi
Fir bewjh jhagarna or rooth jana
Dosto m dooriya bdhne lgi thi

'All for one, One for All' sb bhulane lge the
Ab sbki apni personal life ho gyi thi 


School pura ho gya sb alag-alag ho gye
Ab kya pta kisi ko koi yaad bhi aata hai
School se jane k baad ye Kambakht School bda yaad aata hai
"ye school bda yaad aata hai"

    ~Pj 💗  #NojotoQuote

#School #friends #friendsforever #bestfriend #Quotes #Nojoto #nojotohindi #Poetry #PJ #ink #pen #missyou #Schoollife

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phle to m school se bhag aati thi darti jo thi 
bad m ghr walo n bhej diya ek dur school m
jha se m akle aa-ja na skti thi
bus wale bhaishab se hi to the jo mujhe smbhalte the
mujhe khtti -mithi tofiya jo dete the
dheere dheere to school se bhi nata bnne lga
sab mujse apna ghar sa lgne lga
ab to ghar pr bhi bs school ki hi bate hote thi
or dekhte hi dekhte n jane kb m school ki fav bcchi jo bn gyi thi
teacher se jitni dant pdti thi usse khi jyda dosto ki jhppi milti thi
dost bhi ase the ki jigri yar to bolte the 
lkin exam hall m us yar ko bhi bhul jate the
kher....ye to hota hi tha
asl m  in sab ki ahmiyat jab smajh aayi
jab school k aakhiri din farwell party di gyi
yhi to pitara tha khusiyo ka
school k din

school k woh din...yado se bhare #School #schoolbus #dost #teacher #msti #bidai

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Sitting in our respective seats, not interested in the things going around us. 
People imagined us to be studious, regular n disciplined students who can never say no to their regular classes...
"Everyone is asking me what happened to your students they aren't performing anything? What should I reply, my students have come here to just study? " said the teacher. *Pin drop silence, bowing their heads in shame* 
Students voice, "Ma'am... bla bla". Teacher (this time with much anger)- "You all have come here to study naa, so concentrate... Study!!"
There the students ran out of the class n the voice said, "Ma'am we will perform"

We had our best days... Those song practice days were really beautiful. If you wouldn't have been there it was impossible.. 
Our performance n then the compliment, "You guys made the science department proud"

 

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PEACE
Every morning as I walk to school through the dark blue decrepit world, I feel like I’m coming down with the flu. By the time I reach the school, my entire body is depleted as if I have spent the night in chills, reabsorbing the damp excreting from my own pores. I am always excreting something. My ex-boyfriend noticed it. He would ask why I was always cold and sweating, why I was always at war with myself. When he licked the excretions off my body, I would ask myself, Is this a life? He used to say dirty things to me like, Desubjectify me, bitch. The way he fucked was senseless and crazy. I don’t get fucked like that anymore. As a teacher I am not getting fucked and the children can tell. Some of the children are teenagers and menstruating and ejaculating. They have no control over their excretions and, in that way, perhaps we’re all alike. Sometimes they talk to me as if I’m a nun. No, little children, I’m not a nun. I never was. There are people where I am standing, outside the school’s entrance. I am waiting to open the door. I encounter someone’s father. He has a cord of wood strapped to his back. How are you, Maya’s teacher? No, how are you? Then a different father holds the door open for me. Go on in, he says. I have always hated people’s families and fathers. The school is inside what used to be an American legion hall. It’s an open space the size of a gymnasium with hundreds of chairs organised in circles and two offices and practice rooms and closets. Some of the children are huddled in clumps on the floor like mounds of peanut shells. The peanut shells are listening to the Notorious B.I.G. I touch the handle of the teachers’ bathroom. There is one adult bathroom for thirty adults. The sweat on my skin dries and leaves a thin film. The door is locked. A phone is ringing somewhere. I wait patiently. I am filled with
#peace as I imagine my day’s reasonable activities. When the door opens, the principal steps out. She makes eye contact with me then her eyes shift quickly away as if there is a car accident in the middle of my face. I go into the bathroom. A pimple must be bleeding. I tried to lance it off this morning. It gives me character; I like to look rough. I don’t like the principal. Almost everyone else is summoned to her office every day. They are having secret meetings without me. Poor Lenore, they say behind my back. She can’t do anything right. That Lenore, what a crazy mess, Lenore is a shit teacher. I have been inside the principal’s office only once. Her office is covered in a wallpaper patterned with drawings of diverse parents and children, all of them holding hands, each body linked to another body in a multiplication of bodies that goes from the ceiling to the floor, designed to stimulate a feeling of hope and community and tolerance. The principal and her assistant, obviously a lesbian couple, discuss Marxist teaching strategies. This is months ago. The wallpaper repulses and overwhelms. They ask me what I see myself doing here. To be honest, I say, I’m not sure I see myself here at all. We think you’d be a perfect fit, the principal says. I notice that the principal has long fingernails, overgrown and ridged with a recent sickness. The index finger on each hand is trimmed neatly, most likely for finger fucking. A few days later they call and call and leave messages on my answering machine. We want to hire you, one of them says desperately, will you call us back? Lenore, we’d love to have you on the team. Are you going to call us? Well, are you? I never call them back. At the time I’m too busy getting fucked. I’m sort of miserable. Then my boyfriend leaves me for another woman. I see the woman in town, she looks like a secretary or a nun, she’s boring, I am bored with myself. What disgusting humans everywhere! I develop a rash all over my body. My hair starts to fall out in long, lovely brown streaks. I find the streaks on my pillow when I wake up in the morning. A month after the principal and her assistant call me, I show up at the school. Another body is just what we need right now, the principal says sincerely. Lenore, says the assistant, we think it’s wonderful you’ve decided to come! I leave the bathroom and begin to teach children of various ages and abilities and it’s all pretty neutral. I wear a blue handkerchief wrapped around my head. When I teach I sweat. The children ask me if I’m uncomfortable. Some of them are wearing winter coats and gloves and hats. I read somewhere that in order to find tranquillity, you have to go outside of yourself. Your head has to feel like a balloon attached to a neck. And it doesn’t have to be your neck, it can be anyone’s. It just has to be a neck. A different book says that in order to find tranquillity you have to go further inside yourself. So which is it? Inside or outside? When I get up in front of the children and teach, I imagine a painting of a green field with gentle hills and trees and clouds and a river that curves slowly around a bend. There’s an old woman in the middle of the field wearing a red shawl, playing a fugue on her fiddle. That’s my tranquillity. In the afternoon a coworker asks how things are going, I tell him that teaching is going very well for me. I will not last long. The children are restless; I get hit in the head with a basketball. The ball smacks the back of my handkerchief, bounces to the floor, and rolls into a corner with spiders. When I was little my parents abandoned me for a weekend. They went somewhere and had fun. I tell the children I’m an orphan. They throw chairs at one another. It’s because the chairs are plastic and weigh like three pounds. The bell rings. It’s the end of the day. I have accomplished nothing. I’m bending over to pick up milk cartons. It feels good to bend over; it reminds me of getting fucked. My handkerchief falls off. It’s soaked with sweat. The leftover milk makes me feel bad so I drink it. Someone sees me without my handkerchief. Poor Lenore. Poor Lenore with no hair. The person tells me the day is over and I should go home. I don’t know what to say to that. I put on my coat. I’m standing outside the school. A man I’ve never seen before locks the front door. There are always new bodies appearing everywhere. When I was little, when my parents left me alone for a weekend, I occupied myself. I was pure then but not peaceful. I was a bird flying over a waterfall in a forest. I was an insect with three hundred legs and monstrous antennae. I was the time on the clock when children are called home for dinner. That’s what I was then. And there was nothing nice about the apartment I grew up in. The only good thing about it was the inner courtyard where people could grow plants and sit outside in peace. One morning I saw a man and a woman having sex quietly on a chaise lounge. There was a new atmosphere. There are genitals attached to bodies and bodies attached to minds. The woman’s pants are twisted around her ankles, and her ass is moving up and down slowly, and seeing her body move like that makes me dizzy. Sometimes there are minds attached to genitals. When the man notices me staring out from behind a leafless plant, he lifts the woman off his penis as if she’s a toy. The woman doesn’t seem upset. She pulls up her pants and smiles and crouches down near the leafless plant and tries to give me a hug. There are kind people in the world. There is generosity here. As I stand outside the school and prepare to walk home, I realise I have never owned any plants in my adult life. One day I am going to leave the children, I promise you, I am going to leave this school and never look back and not one child will notice. No. Perhaps one or two of them might. The school is locked and empty. Plants and children are not for me. I don’t care about growing things.

By PATTY YUMI COTTRELL
About the author: The work of PATTY YUMI COTTRELL has been published in BOMB, GULF COAST and BLACK WARRIOR REVIEW, among other places. Her novel SORRY TO DISRUPT THE PEACE will be published this spring. She lives in Los Angeles.
#PattyYumiCottrell

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