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बिस्तर की मोहब्बत
My eyes open. Adajio begins; I hear it clearly.
I’m sunk into this old mattress, it struggles to lift me. I see myself from the ceiling above, one arm behind my head and one runs over my legs until my chest. I’m not dead but I’m alive either. I hear the rain outside. Another grey day.
I should poison my body with a cigarette, I should feel the exhilaration one more time and taste the toasted tobacco in my tongue one last time. But I won’t. I imagine myself exhaling the smoke.
I gaze around this landscape, this miniature world of mine. The bookshelf is dusty, why have I let this happen? The walls is fading and soiled. My world is decaying slowly around me as is my mind. The day greets me with thoughts of lost loves and broken friendships; it is the only thing that I can count on anymore.
I press my nose into my shoulder, I inhale myself, perhaps I can breathe my odour and regain whatever is missing from me, that which makes me feel as if I am fading into nothing, as if I die here now the world will continue without ever noticing that I’m gone forever.
The music is coming to an end. I feel the same way. It’s beautiful.
Oh! my fading red,
fading in your missing voice.