EXTREME TW ⚠️ First day of last month. It's 1:18 am as I'm writing this. The thought of jumping of a tallest building just crossed my mind. I was sitting on a rooftop, feet in the air, I wrote something heart touching and hugged the empty surrounding. I felt lightweight as I was falling down. All the stress and burden of expectations, that nobody believed I had, just melted away. But just before I hit the ground... thought of death scared me. Realising that all the breaths I'm taking now, everything I'm doing now would be gone... scared me. It's not like I'm willing to live, but I'm not bold enough to hug my death either. I'm just a coward. I want an easy death. I don't want to suffer. I want to stop breathing because I want to escape the pain so, death after suffering is a no-no. I'm still being judged, right? For talking too much, for sharing too much, for being too emotional, for being easy to fool. But it's because I want to distract my mind from doing something it shouldn't, it needn't. I start trembling when my mind gets a free time, a break. I need to keep it busy all the time. It can't be left alone, it needs to be under a watch, 24/7. So I feed it music. I lure it with dramas. I let it out on pages. I share my broken mental health by using beautiful words. I call them 'emotional struggles' , 'psychological challenges' instead of Mental Health Issues. I pretend like I'm blooming when in fact I'm just a withered flower. ©Anagha Ukaskar TW ⚠️ #LetMeDrowm
