am i a beast? i used to brag about how one piercing stare of mine can scare the crap out of people's gut. not a minute ago my Amma said, "you're easy to deal with, until someone disturbs you." i am thankful for the realisation that this isn't something to be proud of. my friends say that they stay away from me, if they sense my at-the-verge rays radiating from me. maintaining limits with people and treating people rudely aren't the same. i can handle them with softness and still make them stand one step away from periphery. i have come to understand that cheerfulness and weird kindness are also my identities. so, i can shed this so-called terror or under-control version anytime, anywhere. i am not an animal. i can take no pride in being inhumane. it's smile that's dragging me forward, effortlessly and i'll hold its hand as long as i can; which is forever. implementation is must, HG. ___ i wrote this post and by mistake deleted it entirely; Lord is testing me-- TV volume was high, my brother and sister kept talking and this is one kind of disturbance that makes me go bonkers. i was about to spoil the mood of the ambience, but then i tried to gain control. and, typed again from the first (partly relying on Gboard). this is 90% same as the one i deleted. i am surprised. really. ___
