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i was scared or i was illusioned or, perhaps, was

i was scared
or i was illusioned
or, perhaps, was startled
i don't know
don't ask me,
or i was refused perhaps
under my eternal roof of ache
that we build
i suppose
where i shared my grief
with my comfortable nothingness
with all of my tears
devoured by beloved pillow
and then i rose
like the amber flame
like the vapours 
staring at my immense sky-
stars, moon, nebulae, milky way second part.
i was scared
or i was illusioned
or, perhaps, was startled
i don't know
don't ask me,
or i was refused perhaps
under my eternal roof of ache
that we build
i suppose
where i shared my grief
with my comfortable nothingness
with all of my tears
devoured by beloved pillow
and then i rose
like the amber flame
like the vapours 
staring at my immense sky-
stars, moon, nebulae, milky way second part.