— % & I hate you for saying that! Yes I know |

— % & I hate you for saying that! Yes I know I didn't address you here in the beginning. Bcoz I am much angry on you right now. How can you say that or think like that, that I didn't miss you. I and only I know how my days have gone these 5 days from 22nd Jan to 26th Jan. The worst days till now. My exams were going on but still we were able to talk a little. My exam ended on 24th and I longed to talk to you a lot. But you were in Goa enjoying your vacations. I didn't want to make you feel worried by saying I miss you a lot bcoz then you would feel guilty of not talking to me and not enjoy there so I didn't say anything. Since you went to your sister's house, that day we talked over video call that too a little bit but I was happy atleast we could talk. Then you went to your friend's sister's wedding in Pune. And before the wedding went to Goa for 2 days enjoying the beaches, parties, music and life. Now I can tell you what I felt during those days when I couldn't even hear your voice properly. It was one day between when we talked for half an hour rest all days it was just morning talk for giving me best of luck. My exams were there and also you were busy. I missed you so much that not a single day has passed when I didn't cry bcoz I didn't get to talk to you. And above all this used to call talk for a min and then used to say will talk later, I can't hear your voice properly. I used to get excited seeing your call that atleast now we will be able to talk for sometime and it used to end soon. It used to hurt me so much. So I stopped expecting that you would call. So it would hurt less but it's you and I can't stay just by thinking that you are busy, can't call. Somewhere I used to just think and fix in my brain that you won't call and won't get time, you are surrounded by friends but in the end my heart just yearned for your call. Yesterday my prelims theory paper ended and I was like yes today I can atleast talk with my stress free mind with you and waited the entire day that you would call. At last in the night at 10 pm I called you not once but twice only to get an answer, party is still going on maybe I would get late. And just reading that tears filled my eyes and yes you ought to know and feel guilty about it bcoz yes I was waiting to talk to you and got such a reply. I replied with just an ok and a good night msg and just switched off my net. I was feeling angry and sad both at the same time. I filled my water bottle, did my night routine and went to sleep. My heart as always thought maybe you would have called and I should see once. I saw at 10.25 but there was nothing. I slept like that only few tears falling and when I slept I don't know. Today on 25th I woke up with the thought that today is the wedding you can't call at all and not to keep my hopes high. You won't get time. But still somewhere in my heart there was a corner which was just screaming loudly and asking me to believe that yes you would call. I kept myself busy the entire day just by going here and there. I was on discord the entire day chatting with my Potterhead friends, watching reels and such, saw my marrow videos, then after dinner at night I hoped maybe just like yesterday you would say got tired and leave a msg of good night. I was just missing you very much. I couldn't hold myself any longer. I had taken enough these 4-5 days. Even strong people breakdown sometime or the other and I am no stronger had to collapse. I couldn't hold it, tears kept falling and falling and I was like I am sure gonna cry today a lot if he doesn't call. And then as if God heard me and you called. It was like a ray of happiness in my life. I get to hear your voice which I had heard only in the morning for 5 min. You picked up the call and hearing my voice said, you crying or what and I felt how does he know all the time I have cried. I said no but my voice still was not that good to make you believe it so I started laughing. You said you sound so mood off today and what else should I say that I missed you and was crying all these days. You would have felt horrible hearing that and I would have started crying again in front of you. I didn't want to make you feel like that. We talked for a while just 10 min. I was missing you even while talking to you and since I wouldn't have to talk much I asked you what you ate so you speak a little longer and I could just control myself and my tears. Then you said as usual ok now I am very tired let me go to sleep tomorrow is early morning flight. I said ok we said good night to each other and you said those words which were just like so hard for me to digest. "You don't miss me these days. Naya naya tha isliye tumhe meri yaad aati thi utni. Ab purana ho gaya toh aadat ho gayi. Itni yaad nahi aati ab." Only I know how I felt hearing them. I just couldn't utter a word. I just said you don't know how I felt then you walked towards your lift and said ok now I am going to sleep. But I was just stuck at your words. Don't know what to say. I wanted to cry so much but I couldn't. Drop by drop kept falling from my eyes. I knew you would say that to me of course at least once, out of fun I know but I want you to know that I will miss you the same whether it is new or old. Whether we fall in love at one month or we are in love for more than 20 yrs, I would long for you the same and miss you the same and cry the same when I miss you. You know what all these I kept seeing your photos and felt you were near me. You also sent me your photos and I kept staring at you all the time. You, Rohit are an important part of my life and I really feel grateful to God for bringing you in my life. And yes I had not been in good mood these days as I was not able to talk to you. You have that effect on me. And how can you think that I might not miss you! I am really feeling bad right now bcoz it was like a long long time for me though 5 days but they were much more for a not so strong heart like me. Tomorrow also it will be th

— % & I hate you for saying that! Yes I know

Divya Kulkarni🐿️