These days I am not stable... My mind does to and fro movement like pendulum... Fluctuates like going to be fused bulb... Sometimes I delete contacts from phone... Very next moment, with the aid of truecaller I add deleted contacts to my call list... Sometimes I disagree with papa with aggressive arguments lacking respect and patient listening... Sometimes I argue with mammi and amma(grandma) domineering them under my trifle logic and irrelevant superiority. All of these things are making me repenting, frustrating and puzzling... Sometimes I eat junks all day by cooking daily by deteriorating my belly and my soul. Sometimes I criticise and backbite about papa to Mammi in his absence. Sometimes I say bad words to relatives and friends. Sometimes I talk about corrupt friends of my papa who have made their children doctor by paying bribed money. Sometimes I just find and seek demerits of my friends and relatives. Many times I remain puzzled and superstitious about not praying the god that my astrologer recommended or I can say prescribed me to get success in life very soon. Since I have cleared a certain exam after many years but pandemic has delayed everything including its joining. This delayed joining has made me once again very insecured about my life and many things... On other hand my parents are discussing about my marriage... They say time has come to get me married... But this time I just find marriage boredom with lust and over responsibility with factory of formalities... Sometimes I concern about my weigh and very next moment get depressed on seeing my hair falling... Sometimes I become judgemental and most of the time I waste my time without any planning... Upsc is really really far away considering my situation and depressed thinking... I am just wasting my days and time with just farting with cacophony and behaving weird all time... I know I have written everything very true...
