D E A R, D R A I N E D :) -Emptied in Capt Light gives hope, right! Hope always brings happiness. But have you ever been afraid of hope? Yes, hope. For the hope to turn into an expectation within no time. I always prefered remaining in dark, the unclear and unknown rather than thriving on those unrealistic hopes. Just like it is said," Not everyday will make you laugh out loud, and not everyday will make you want to celebrate life you life." I can't find the way out but it became my routine to run within these dark circles. I lost all my energy trying to be in a crowd.I lost all desire to start when I sensed everyone's almost at their destination, holding happiness, the biggest trophy ever. I felt being swallowed whole by the voids I trapped myself in. And I never liked the way I look and the way I sound, or the way I carry myself within that places I don't belong. I never liked the way I shrink when I am beside everyone who own atleast someone to share everything with. Day after day, I feel like things are just getting heavier and obscure. I hope I dare to speak myself for things that went through me, for all the war that wages nights seeking peace, and for all the sentiments that crashed me into pieces. It struck me down, and I was unaware of the bruises it caused me. I'm always silent about myself because when I talk too much, I feel like my thoughts are invalidating what my heart desires to tell, and it made me feel unheard. For a moment all I wanted is to feel numb and simply forget the world around me. Because no matter how I would want to explain it the exact way how I felt it, nobody will seem to understand the depth of the insane world inside me. I don't understand myself because I don't judge. I want a place that will help me forget that I harm myself for short-term happiness. I want to enjoy, l love to, not alone, but with someone, who wants to be with me as much I would be. I want to come out of the box, but only if someone is standing outside to walk with me while finding my way back to home.
