some things i gathered today :) {one of the wotevahs} i (my mom actually) washed my hair today. and i watched a couple of TED talks and Vi's Pi-day rant (which was actually a grand piano performance), and all of the media i consumed today brought me epiphany. i was on the verge of tears. (happy tears, but you know, when something snaps terribly inside you because some woman up on a stage on the internet perfectly articulates what you've been struggling to since you've been conscious about your existence? yeah, those tears.) the following are some randomly organized thoughts i collected after all that media consumption and urge to cry. ... in recent years, i have tried to develop my emotional and thought process like a typical 'man' with a corporate high paying job who nonchalantly and very sensitively jumps up on 'her' stage and politely suggests 'Not all men!' while the speaker was struggling for, like, a decade to speak about what a man repeatedly, repeatedly did with her and all the men tried to. oh no, not all, not all. haha. so yes, i have been trying to be austere and nonchalant, not indifferent, exactly, but shredding pieces of my dumb, bimbo, stained, bloody, weak, booby, domestic, drowning, disgraceful, ominous, turbulent, overreacting, stretch-marky, dramatic, hypocritic and inferior femininity. each year i used to shed one more piece. i was part of a boys gang at ten, at eleven i started trying to not be like 'other girls', at thirteen i got my short bob haircut, at fourteen i stopped all skincare. then i turned fifteen, and some cosmic obsession or the universe's general caring attitude gave me consciousness. i Knew what I was Doing. i was becoming just like 'other girls' to not be like 'other girls'. (gee, well that's another story let's save it for later.) imagine, I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING. i realized that feeling what you feel and thinking what you think is entitled to you. you own it. and also that you don't have to be an austere sculpture of godknowswhat to show that you're strong when the whole household makes you behave otherwise like a crybaby. *chuckles*
