A letter to 13 year old me. You're stupid. Not the ignorant kind of stupid. You're the good girl kind of stupid. You know stuff, but despite that you're putting yourself in things you won't be able to get out of, in a long long time. Years. I mean, it took *me* to get *you* out. I don't know what you were after. You're the only version of me I cannot be compassionate to because I still think that you, with all that you did to me and the 14 year old me and to everyone, was... Ugly. I don't get you. You're the reason why I developed brain fogs, brain clogs, and all that's hindering me right now. You didn't want to know what was in front of your eyes and ears and everything was wrong. You're idiotically desperate. I want to thrash you so bad, so bad, you have no idea. You're the reason why our father-daughter relationship isn't the same as it was before you. I cried last night thinking of how I had acted last year in May-June. Lockdown. All the pent up misery got so much I cried in front of mumma. She thought it was because of the lockdown and I was Just irritable. But I cried again the next day along with screaming and I don't know what other embarrasing drama. I finally let them know that father was behaving strangely, and I didn't want to be treated like that. [Even though I think I deserve it because of your sins.] Even he, he acknowledged that there was emotional distance between us. I was so starved of his affection, even though he's the most adorable, he makes me laugh, he makes tea for me twice a day, gives me books and everything and lets me read novels during exam time. But the fatherly affection, the direct kind where I can go up to him and tell him I love him and all that, I hesitate because of you. Only you. You upset everyone. You're the reason we're not getting along. You're the reason I won't be able to build a strong bond, it won't be the same. It's beautiful. I'm growing and glowing. Mumma loves me joking personality and papa makes me giggle. It's beautiful. But it's not the same. Before you, it was golden, gorgeous.
![A letter to 13 year old me. You're stupid. Not the ignorant kind of stupid. You're the good girl kind of stupid. You know stuff, but despite that you're putting yourself in things you won't be able to get out of, in a long long time. Years. I mean, it took *me* to get *you* out.
I don't know what you were after. You're the only version of me I cannot be compassionate to because I still think that you, with all that you did to me and the 14 year old me and to everyone, was... Ugly. I don't get you.
You're the reason why I developed brain fogs, brain clogs, and all that's hindering me right now. You didn't want to know what was in front of your eyes and ears and everything was wrong. You're idiotically desperate. I want to thrash you so bad, so bad,
you have no idea.
You're the reason why our father-daughter relationship isn't the same as it was before you. I cried last night thinking of how I had acted last year in May-June. Lockdown. All the pent up misery got so much I cried in front of mumma. She thought it was because of the lockdown and I was Just irritable. But I cried again the next day along with screaming and I don't know what other embarrasing drama. I finally let them know that father was behaving strangely, and I didn't want to be treated like that. [Even though I think I deserve it because of your sins.] Even he, he acknowledged that there was emotional distance between us. I was so starved of his affection, even though he's the most adorable, he makes me laugh, he makes tea for me twice a day, gives me books and everything and lets me read novels during exam time. But the fatherly affection, the direct kind where I can go up to him and tell him I love him and all that, I hesitate because of you. Only you. You upset everyone. You're the reason we're not getting along. You're the reason I won't be able to build a strong bond, it won't be the same. It's beautiful. I'm growing and glowing. Mumma loves me joking personality and papa makes me giggle. It's beautiful. But it's not the same. Before you, it was golden, gorgeous.](https://media.nojoto.com/content/media/27376786/2022/11/feed/dc9011eddcb28e463f365b23556bcdf6/dc9011eddcb28e463f365b23556bcdf6_default.jpg "A letter to 13 year old me. You're stupid. Not the ignorant kind of stupid. You're the good girl kind of stupid. You know stuff, but despite that you're putting yourself in things you won't be able to get out of, in a long long time. Years. I mean, it took *me* to get *you* out.
I don't know what you were after. You're the only version of me I cannot be compassionate to because I still think that you, with all that you did to me and the 14 year old me and to everyone, was... Ugly. I don't get you.
You're the reason why I developed brain fogs, brain clogs, and all that's hindering me right now. You didn't want to know what was in front of your eyes and ears and everything was wrong. You're idiotically desperate. I want to thrash you so bad, so bad,
you have no idea.
You're the reason why our father-daughter relationship isn't the same as it was before you. I cried last night thinking of how I had acted last year in May-June. Lockdown. All the pent up misery got so much I cried in front of mumma. She thought it was because of the lockdown and I was Just irritable. But I cried again the next day along with screaming and I don't know what other embarrasing drama. I finally let them know that father was behaving strangely, and I didn't want to be treated like that. [Even though I think I deserve it because of your sins.] Even he, he acknowledged that there was emotional distance between us. I was so starved of his affection, even though he's the most adorable, he makes me laugh, he makes tea for me twice a day, gives me books and everything and lets me read novels during exam time. But the fatherly affection, the direct kind where I can go up to him and tell him I love him and all that, I hesitate because of you. Only you. You upset everyone. You're the reason we're not getting along. You're the reason I won't be able to build a strong bond, it won't be the same. It's beautiful. I'm growing and glowing. Mumma loves me joking personality and papa makes me giggle. It's beautiful. But it's not the same. Before you, it was golden, gorgeous.")
