ramble. standing feels tiring. i overeat, i always have done that. i think it's the heat that's making me weaker. nobody can look at me now and still find the girl who used to run five kilometres and practice a hundred kicks and thirty squats. my eyes have been hurting. my head has been paining too. hair have been falling. the power of my lenses has doubled, and i think it'll increase more. my hands are shaky, the keyboard knows them best. i know what is coming, and i fear it will be bigger than me to handle. i should've woken up at 7, like i always do, but i woke up at 7:44 today, my head felt heavy, body wasn't willing to move, and nothing made sense. i lied down bare on the tiled floor to cool down, but i found i wouldn't get up. i'd like to believe i am lazy, for once, just so this cloudy sense of doom that makes me want to stick to the ground forever isn't real. something is happening. i'm too tired to stand. i woke up from my nap and wanted to immediately sleep again. i'm not hungry. i'm bloated without a cause. i remember how my parents used to scold me for scratching my lips when i was little. it's still a habit. i don't want to be asked what i wish for. i want something to hold onto, else i'll hold the floor and slither across it. atleast that will be there for me. i haven't seen my hills and lakes for a long while now. they used to be there for me. the noise is everywhere, the television, the fans, the shaking and the hissing in my head. standing feels tiring. _ reptilian.
