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"VICTIM OF RAPE.. I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me. It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired. Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed? What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus. It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that. My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home. The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself. My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon. As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue. I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together. And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind. Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T. But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different. Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning. I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward. Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room. Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded. I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean. I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years. Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought. The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one. TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way. Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily. It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word. I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend. After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God. We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT. I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me. WHY? WHY?? WHY??? All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom. Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone. In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling. Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that. Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself. I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members). I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent. Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place. Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders. After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness. I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me. She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration. “Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?" “Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues." "Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?" “Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?" "Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family." "Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships." "This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure." “Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way." "Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins." "You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities? I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX! Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it. It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered. The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape. Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all. In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail. Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant." I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God. Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn. Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on. Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now. We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape. Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name. Jesus is the solution to all situation. I'm Winnie making impact. I say NO to rape. I say NO to suicide. Yes to freedom in Christ. I help singles lead godly healthy relationship. I Write, Speak and Advocate. ©Winnie Ene Louisa"

VICTIM OF RAPE..

I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé  suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me.

It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired.

Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed? 

What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus.

It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that.

My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home.

The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself.

My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon.

As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue.

I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together.

And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind.

Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T.

But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different. 

Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning.

I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward.

Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room.

Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded.

I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean.

I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years.

Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought.

The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one.

TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way. 

Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily. 

It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word.

I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend.

After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God.

We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT. 

I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me.

WHY?                 WHY??                 WHY???

All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom.

Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone.

In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling.

Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that.

Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself.

I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members).

I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent.

Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place.

Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders.

After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness.

I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me.

She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration. 

“Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?"

“Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues."

"Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?"

“Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?" 

"Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family."

"Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships."

"This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure."

“Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way."

"Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins."

"You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities?

I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX!  Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it. 

It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered.

The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape. 

Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all.

In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail. 

Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant."

I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God. 

Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn.

Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on.

Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now.

We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape. 

Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name.

Jesus is the solution to all situation.

I'm Winnie making impact.

I say NO to rape.

I say NO to suicide.

Yes to freedom in  Christ.

I help singles lead godly healthy relationship.

I Write, Speak and Advocate.

©Winnie Ene Louisa

#Saynotorape
#saynotosexualabuse
#saynotosuicide

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VICTIM OF RAPE..

I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me.

It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired.

Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed?

What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus.

It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that.

My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home.

The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself.

My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon.

As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue.

I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together.

And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind.

Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T.

But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different.

Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning.

I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward.

Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room.

Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded.

I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean.

I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years.

Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought.

The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one.

TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way.

Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily.

It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word.

I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend.

After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God.

We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT.

I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me.

WHY? WHY?? WHY???

All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom.

Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone.

In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling.

Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that.

Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself.

I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members).

I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent.

Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place.

Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders.

After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness.

I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me.

She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration.

“Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?"

“Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues."

"Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?"

“Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?"

"Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family."

"Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships."

"This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure."

“Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way."

"Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins."

"You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities?

I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX! Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it.

It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered.

The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape.

Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all.

In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail.

Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant."

I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God.

Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn.

Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on.

Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now.

We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape.

Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name.

Jesus is the solution to all situation.

I'm Winnie making impact.

I say NO to rape.

I say NO to suicide.

Yes to freedom in Christ.

I help singles lead godly healthy relationship.

I Write, Speak and Advocate.

©Winnie Ene Louisa

4 Love

8 Signs He's Terrible And You Should Dump Him
Irrespective of how great the relationship was before, you should always know when it’s time to call it quits. While this may occasionally be because of a fault on one or both of your parts, sometimes it can be just because the relationship has run its course.
Encompassing all of this, here are a few reasons you should dump him:
1.) He couldn’t keep it in his pants.

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You will always deserve someone better than a person who cannot be faithful to you. If he doesn’t respect you enough to remain loyal, or call it off before he wanders to other people, you should know that there’s no amount of repeated apologizing that will ever make you truly forgive this violation of your trust. If not calling it off, consider it a strike.
2.) You just don't feel like staying loyal to him.

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Things work both ways. Just as you deserve better if he were to cheat, the same goes for him. If you do not believe that the relationship is worth you being faithful, be fair to the both of you, and part ways. Come clean about what you’ve done, if he chooses to forgive you, don’t abuse the trust.
3.) He is ashamed of you.

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Anyone who will not be proud, and want to parade you around in front of the world, doesn’t deserve your trust and love. If he makes you his dirty little secret, call it off, it will definitely cause some serious self-esteem issues for you later in life.
4.) You can’t do long distance.

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This is contextually based on whether there is a need to, but if there is, make sure that the two of you are confident and stable enough to try it. If not, go your separate ways before arguments and mistrust ruin the entire relationship, friendship included.
5.) He doesn’t even bother prioritizing you.

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If it’s his work or his family, cut him a little slack. But if you constantly find him flaking to only ever spend time with his friends, or other girls, confront him about it. If you’re not feeling loved, you really shouldn’t remain in the relationship for too If it’s his work or his family, cut him a little slack. But if you constantly find him flaking to only ever spend time with his friends, or other girls, confront him about it. If you’re not feeling loved, you really shouldn’t remain in the relationship for too long.
6.) He doesn’t want to take things as slowly as you want to.

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Every boy, if not person, should always be respectful of your space. If you are not ready for something, emotional or physical, ensure that he doesn’t overstep his bounds. Never be forced into doing something you don’t want to, and if you are, its time you ended things.
7.) He constantly compares you to other people.

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If he spends more time pulling you down, then making you feel good about yourself, the solution is pretty obvious. A relationship that survives on such a toxic bond will never last and cause some serious damage to one or both parties involved in it.
8.) It just, doesn’t work.

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While you should always put in your 100% and never bail when things get hard, it is equally important to know when the relationship is destined for failure. Don’t try pushing along a failing relationship, and making both of your lives miserable.


Source:
http://www.thatscoop.com/article/gabyextross/dump-him

3 Love

7 Secret Tips to Make Your Relationship Last Longer
There is no elaborate strategy or blueprint to the perfect relationship. In all honestly, all relationships are messy, and they all come with their own share of drama. It is your personal decision to make about whether you chose to work through it, or drop it completely. Make this decision as early in the relationship as possible, this will ensure that minimum damage is caused.
Here are a few secret (but seemingly simple) tips to a long lasting relationship:
1.) Be spontaneous.

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At no point in a relationship, should you give up. Keep them on their toes and always try to surprise them. Take random trips, plan crazy dates and take their breath away at every chance you get. Male or female, it is your duty to keep each other happy and interested throughout the relationship. If it’s worth it, put in the effort.
2.) Communicate.

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Don’t bottle up your feelings. This might work in the short term, but eventually, you will implode and cause more drama than you can imagine. Tell them if something bothers you, and more importantly if something makes you happy. This will ensure that they know what to avoid doing, and what to do to make your day better.
3.) Hook up.

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Don’t underestimate the power of some good between the sheets time. While you should be careful to prevent this from becoming all you do in your relationship, it is important to maintain a healthy balance. Not only is it a great stressbuster, it also gives you the opportunity to try out new and interesting things here too.
4.) Don’t lie.

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White lies to prevent drama and hurt are excusable – but do not make it a habit. When you find yourself lying about serious issues, or trying to cover up for yourself, you know you’ve taken it too far. Honesty is of utmost importance in a relationship. Without it, you lose your trust and then there’s no way to save whatever you may have with them.
5.) Don’t overshare.

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Don’t talk about sex with your ex, don’t constantly compare them to your past and definitely avoid criticizing them too much. Somethings must be kept to yourself, but do not use this as an excuse to be dishonest and hide the truth from them either.
6.) Be supportive.

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Support their dreams. While it is important for you to keep them sane and grounded, do not abuse this power by holding them back. Let them live their lives and fulfil their goals. Your job as their partner is to build them up and help them achieve everything they want. Be sure that this will always be reciprocated.
7.) Don't Judge

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Be the person they can come to with their problems. If they’re constantly worried about what you will think of them, or if you will judge them, they will find someone else to confide in. Provide them with a safe and secure environment in which they can share their deepest insecurities and feelings. This will bind you together in an unbreakable hold.


Source:
http://www.thatscoop.com/article/gabyextross/tips-relationship

3 Love

Gita on Character Building
Human body is only for attaining God (Paramatma). etc. Therefore, if one becomes determinate on the one aim of God Realization, then man will turn towards God. On turning towards God, good qualities-good conduct come on their own, and character building begins to take place. However, if man forgets about God Realization, and begins to hoard worldly possessions and enjoy sense pleasures, then he falls down in character. He who loses his character, is not even worthy and deserving of being called a man.“Par drohee par daar rat par dhan par apabaad |Te nar paanvar paapamai deha dhare manujaad ||(Manas 7/39)Bhagavad Gita’s entire spiritual instructions are for building character. Previously, Arjuna’s sentiment was to fight the war, therefore he invited Lord and accepted Him in the form of a charioteer and became ready to enter the battlefield to fight. However, Lord’s intent was to see to Arjuna’s eternal good (salvation). Arjuna said that place the chariot in-between both the armies so that I can see who is present to fight me with both hands. The Lord, did exactly as told and placed the chariot right in between both the armies and said, that see the members of the Kuru dynasty (1/21-25). On hearing the word, Kuru dynasty, Arjuna suddenly became conscious of his family, affiliated with his body. He became frightened by the thought that all of them will die and thus turning away from his duty, said – I will not fight. To turn away from one’s duty is the main obstacle in character building. The Lord said – O’ What are you doing? It is your duty to fight, therefore giving up attachment and cowardliness, stand up to fight (Gita 2/2-3).It is only to engage man in the path of duty that Bhagavad Gita manifested. It is only in renouncing your rights and properly performing your duties that character is developed, whereas on neglecting your duties the character is destroyed. God says – “Na tvevaaham jaatu naasam….” (Gita 2/12) - Here the Lord begins His spiritual instructions and first deliberates on the body and the indweller, the perishable and imperishable. The point is that leaving aside (not paying attention to) the perishable things, pay attention to the imperishable. By doing so, character building takes place.There is one very important point, that when the aim is of the imperishable, the perishable things will come on their own. You will not have to undergo suffering for them. But if the aim and focus is of the perishable, the imperishable essence will not be attained, and one will have to worry and make an effort for the perishable. And further ahead Lord says, that see toward one’s innate duty, therefore it is only beneficial to fight the war of righteousness for a Kshatriya. (Gita 2/31). The point is that it is only by fulfilling duty that man progresses, and by going towards non-duty he takes a fall. The main thing in fulfilling one’s duty, is to renounce desires, proprietary interest and attachment. The meaning of renouncing these is that one should not have the aim of “jada”, the inert (insentient). Previously the body etc. were not ours, later on as well, they will not remain ours and at present too they are separating from us every single moment. If this kind of alertness is awakened then the aim will not be of the inert and the senses, the inner faculties will be restrained and controlled on their own. In self-control itself is the building of character. In lack of control and lack of restraint, progress is curtailed and with that the character falls.In the beginning of the third Chapter, Arjuna asks that why are you engaging me in these most sinful acts? Lord says – though these appear to be very sinful on the surface, than too one must fulfill their duties by giving up selfishness, proprietary interest, egoism, and desires. By doing so, the dreadfulness does not remain, only the action remains. Actions can be various according to one’s varna (order of life) and ashram (stage in life), but the terribleness, the filth, the passion , all lead to one’s downfall, and it arises due to desires. Keeping desires in the forefront if one reads and shares with others the spiritual messages (with the aim of money or other things), it is considered demoniac tendency and one cannot escape sins; even on listening and sharing spiritual truths, good character cannot be developed because desire is the root of all sins (Gita 3/37). However, if the aim is God, then even though engaged in worldly duties and activities, then too good character will come in them. Therefore, in the third chapter, Lord gives great emphasis on renouncing desires and doing one’s duty. Similarly, in the fourth chapter it has been said that when there is no desires, when there is no sense of pride in doership, then all actions become inactions, in other words, even while doing karma, man is not bound; because his aim is to go towards God. In the fifth chapter also says to fulfill one’s duty -Yuktah karmaphalam tyaktvaa shanatimaanoti naishthikim |Ayuktah kaamkaarena phale sakto nibhadhyate || (Gita 5/12)“He who is a Karmayogi, who by abandoning attachment to the fruit of action, attains everlasting peace (God Realization); whereas, he who acts with a selfish motive, being attached to the fruit of actions through desire acquires bondage.” Fruits (objects) are the kind that will be born and will later perish, but the desire for them is what is binding. Desire makes one fall in character. When character takes a fall, there is lack of peace and whereas building character, one attains peace. The moment there is ill feelings in the mind, one experiences lack of peace. And the moment there is good feelings within, peace immediately follows.If you are attentive, then it is every man’s experience that the more that he renounces the perishable, that much peace, joy, equanimity, good qualities, continue to come in him and the more that he desires the perishable things, that much lack of peace, discord, anguish, burning infliction, and bad qualities arise.In the sixth chapter also, it has been said to engage in God having “That” as the aim. That God is present and pervading everywhere. He who sees Me (the Universal Self, God) present in all beings and sees all beings existing in Me (Paramatma), I am never out of sight for him, nor is he ever out of my sight.Yo maam paschyati sarvatra sarvam cha mayi pashyatiTasyaahum na pranashyaami sa cha mein na pranashyati || (Gita 6/30)That man who sees other’s sorrow and happiness as his own happiness and sorrow, he is an eternal yogi -Aatmoupamyena sarvatra samam pashyati yorjuna |Sukham va yadi vaa dukham sa yogi paramo matah || (Gita 6/32)He who has the sentiments - Let there be no sorrow such a one attains God (Paramatma tattva). How can the suffering of all come to an end? How can all be happy? One who has such sentiments - their character is the highest of all. Further when the conversation lead to bringing the mind under control, then the Lord revealed about study and practice “abhyaas” and detachment “vairaag” (Gita 6/35). In other words, there too the talks are about removing the mind from the world, and engaging it in God. When talking about progress in the life beyond this world, there too the same has been intellect is only in God, he is considered the best among the yogis (Gita 6/47). He who walks the path of God, if his spiritual practices comes to an end in the middle and he dies then too he will be benefited, he will attain misfortune (Gita 6/40). Those who do work for the welfare of all, even if their work is left incomplete, he will be benefited. He whose mind and It is only eminent to be engaged in God.He who is not devoted to God, God calls him an evil doer (Gita 7/15) and he who is devoted to God, he is called virtuous (Gita 7/16). The point is that he who walks the path towards God are called virtuous and benevolent, and he who walks the path of the world is called an evil-doer. Further ahead it is said that he whose actions are pure, whose character is great, they become unyielding in their spiritual pursuits and do worship and devotion of God (Gita 7/28).
In walking the path towards God, remembrance is the key point. In the beginning of the Eight Chapter, on questioning by Arjuna, the Lord said that he who leaves this body while remembering Me, he attains Me - of this there is no doubt. (Gita 8/5).
Because whatever the sentiments and feelings that are recollected at the time of leaving the body, that alone he attains. (Gita 8/6) Therefore God says, that keep in mind and remember Me at all times - “Sarveshu kaaleshu Maamanusmara” (Gita 8/7). Then God said something extra-ordinary that he who remembers Me at all times, for him I am easily attainable.
Anayacheta satatam yo maam smarati nityasah |
Tasyaham sulabh paarth nitya yuktasya yoginah || (Gita 8/14)
To remember God is a divine trait. It is innateness the root of good character. The meaning of being in remembrance of God is - that remembering and recollecting the innate relation that we have with God, that very relationship, is the one only real relationship. I do not have a relationship with the world. I have only assumed a relationship with the world, therefore this relationship does not last. It is clearly seen that the relationships we have in this birth, they were not there in the previous birth, and they will not be there in the next birth. In the same way this world is constantly changing, but God is the same, as Is, and I myself am also the same. Therefore my relationship with Paramatma is eternal. Remembering this itself is recollection and remembrance (smruti). Thinking can also be of the world, but “smruti” can only be of God. On having such recollection and remembrance, good character is axiomatic.
He who is inclined towards God, becomes the best of all. There is greater gains among those who walk the path of God with aim of God, than the gains that come from Vedas (holy texts), sacrifice, austerities, charity, visiting holy places, fasting etc. (Gita 8/28).
Therefore inclination towards God is considered to to be the sovereign of sciences (king of all knowledge), most mysterious, supremely holy, most excellent, directly realizable, endowed with virtues, very easy to practice and imperishable (Gita 9/2). God finds Himself to be so easy to attain, that “he who with devotion offers a leaf, a flower, a fruit, water etc. I partake in that thing., (Gita 9/26). Therefore, whatever you do, whatever you eat, whatever you offer in sacrifice (yajna), whateer you bestow as a gift, whatever you do by way of penance, dedicate it all to Me, then you will be freed from bondage of actions having good and bad results; and freed from them you yourself having completely surrendered shall attain Me (Gita 9/27 – 28).
Whether a man is evil or good – he must not worry. The main point is that that he is engaged in God. On becoming engaged in God, his bad conduct cannot last. He can very quickly become righteous and he attains eternal peace (Gita 9/30-31) . Women folks, Vaisyas, Sudras, and even those that are born of sinful wombs taking refuge in Me, attain the Supreme God. (Gita 9/32-33). However many different “jaatis” that are present, of these externally there is the separation due to nature, but from within all are a part of God. Therefore in worldly relations, the importance is of conducting one’s self according to one’s “Varna,” but in the path of spirituality, there is no importance of “varna” etc. because in the form of divinity (being a part of God), every one’s true nature is pure and all are equally entitled to God. God says, that “Fix your mind on Me, be devoted to Me, adore Me, prostrate to Me, thus making yourself steadfast in Me, and entirely surrendering to Me, you will reach Me.” (Gita 9/34). The point of all this is that only be engaged in Me.
In the tenth chapter on Arjuna’s pleading, God described His super human powers and His Universal form. The essence of what He said - “I am all pervasive in the World. Wherever you see something extra-ordinary, (glorious, brilliant, powerful), know it to be a manifestation of a spark of My splendor” (Gita 10/41). That specialty is due to Me alone. The point is that wherever whatever you find brilliant, abundant, remarkable, there too, the sight should turn towards God. There after he says “what is the reason for you to gain detailed knowledge? I stand supporting the entire Universe, with a single fragment of Myself.” (Gita 10/42) On hearing this, Arjuna, desired to see that Universal Form of the Lord, in Whose single fragment is the entire Universe. The Lord bestowed Arjuna with “divya chakshu” (special divine vision) to behold this sight. * On seeing the divine vision, Arjuna became perplexed, became filled with fear, became charmed. Then God said that this is your foolishness. I am the same One, then why are you fearful?
In the twelfth Chapter, Arjuna asked “he who worships the Imperishable and the Unmanifest and he who worships God with attributes (bhaktimarg), which of the two are better versed in yoga? (Gita 12/1). The path of the Imperishable, Unmanifest (jnana marg), are using their own effort, but in the path of “bhakti” the dependence is on only God. In the path of the Imperishable, divine attributes, discrimination and detachment etc. have to be acquired, but in the path of devotion, on taking refuge in the Lord, divine qualities, good attributes and conduct are automatically and naturally acquired (Gita 12/7). Therefore God says that “you give your mind and intellect to Me alone, there upon you will live in Me alone.” (Gita 12/8). God says - the devotee who is living in Me alone, is most dear to Me. As such, all the beings are dear to God, but he who takes refuge in God, he is most dear to God. Simply by being devoted and engrossed in God, good qualities and conduct come on its own, without any effort.
In the thirteenth Chapter, God describes the path of knowledge (of the Imperishable), and while he describes good qualities such as “absence of pride” (amaanitva) etc., he brings up “Unswerving Devotion to Me with sole dependence on Me alone” – ”Mayi chaananyayogen bhaktiravyabhichaarini” (Gita 13/10). In the Fourteenth Chapter also there is talks about devotion “bhakti” - “He who worships Me with unadulterated devotion, rises above the three modes and becomes eligible, for attaining Brahma”. (Gita 14/26). It is only due to affinity with attributes (gunas) that demonaic traits are born, due to which births in higher and lower forms take place. On walking the path of Divinity (God), one rises above the three modes.
In the fifteenth chapter God reveals His extra-ordinary glories and radiance and says that I am the Supreme Personality (Supreme Soul) over both the “Insentient” (Perishable) and “Sentient” (Imperishable Embodied Soul). (Gita 15/16-18). He who knows Me as the Supreme Personality, the Highest Person, is “sarvavid” the knower of all, and he worships Me, with all his being. (Gita 15/19). Divine traits naturally manifest in him who is devoted to Me and worships Me. Therefore in Sixteenth Chapter, God gives the description of “Divine Traits”. But, he who has become distant from God, who only wants to nourish his own body, to engage in sense enjoyments and in hoarding, demoniac tendencies manifest in him. God elaborates at great length those demoniac traits in the Sixteenth Chapter. He says, Divine traits leads to liberation, whereas Demoniac traits lead to bondage. (Gita 16/5), and such a person attains birth through 8.4 million different wombs (Gita 16/19) and goes to hell. (Gita 16/20).
In the Seventeenth Chapter, the Lord describes the three modes - of goodness (sattvic), passion (rajasic) and ignorance (tamasic). Even on seeing this, the goodness and divine sentiments are among those that have a disinclination for the world and inclination towards God. They rise above the sentiments of passion and ignorance. Thus those who perform the acts of sacrifice, penance and various acts of charity for God, then such acts are of the mode of goodness and they are liberating. (Gita 17/25). However if they are done for the world, i.e. with aim of honor, fame, pleasure, rest and relaxation etc. and sacrifices, austerities, charity etc. done with negligence and ignorance, then they become of the mode of passion and ignorance.
In the Eighteenth chapter, God elaborates in great detail, Sanyaas (Sankhyayoga) and “tyaag” (Karmayog). In the end God concludes that leave dependency of all dharmas, and only take refuge in Me.
“Sarvadharmaan parityajya maamekum sharanam vraja |
Aham tvaa sarvapaapebhyo Mokshayishyami maa suchah || (Gita 18/66)
All the work in the world, all accomplishments, all progress, all is encompassed in that one – “sharanagati” (taking refuge in the Lord”. God says that all the sins that are there, evil qualities and conduct, I will free you from these. You do not worry. By My grace, the divine traits will come naturally, on their own.
Just as a child that stays in his mother’s lap, gets provided for, is nourished, taken care of and he grows, similarly, on taking the refuge in the Lord, all the good traits and conduct will come unknowingly. Building of character will take place on its own.
In this manner, in the entire Gita if one sees then there is only one point - walking the path towards God, i.e. becoming inclined towards God. The aim of going towards the Lord is itself an aid in preventing the fall of one’s character. All evil qualities and conduct come from desire for sense pleasures and hoarding. Of this, the importance of money and dependence on it, leads to the worst downfall. By this, man’s character goes down. When character takes a fall, people talk ill of him and he is dishonored.
A man who has fallen in character, he is lower than even animal and those dwelling in hell; because animal and hellish ones are suffering the consequences of their past actions, and are moving towards human birth, but by incurring sins, a characterless man, is moving towards animal life and hell! Association of such men is the kind that will lead to downfall. Therefore it is said -
Baru bhal baas narak kar taataa |
Dusht sang jani deyi bidhaataa || (Manas 5/46/4)
Therefore for improving your character, become inclined towards God, that is – I am God’s and God is mine. I am not this world’s, the world is not mine.
The mistake that man makes is that which is not his, those thing that belong to the world, he considers them as his own, and that which is actually his, i.e. God, he does not accept as his own. As such, if it is seen, the things of the world are his only for proper use. But for himself, God is his very own. Because the things belong to the world, therefore they have to be offered to the world for serving and man himself is God’s, therefore he must surrender himself to God. Neither he has to take anything from the world, nor does he have anything to take from God. If something is to be taken, then let that be God Himself.
By desiring things of the world, one establishes a relationship with the world. Desire arises from attachment, i.e. desire arises by considering the body, wife, son, wealth, etc. as mine. Now if we think and accept the body, wife, son, wealth etc. as our own, can we say we have an independent right over them? Can we keep them as long as we like? Can we stay with them forever? If the answer is No! Than what is the difficulty in getting rid of the sense of mine-ness? By leaving the erroneously accepted sense of mine, desires will not arise. When desires do not arise, automatically there will be a feeling of mine-ness with God; because God is eternally ours from time immemorial and God is ever-attained. On having sense of mine-ness with God, feelings and conduct will be purified.
Body, wife, son, wealth, house, various possessions, are they real or unreal – this doubt may arise, but our relationship with them is unreal, of this there is no possibility of doubt at all. On knowing the unreal as unreal, the unreal relation is renounced very easily and on becoming inclined towards God, the eternal relationship with God is automatically awakened. Thereafter good character and conduct comes on its own and man becomes a role-model of good character, in other words, his character becomes one that is worthy of respect.
Yadyadaacharati shreshthasttdevetaro janah |
Sa yatpramaanam kurute lokastdanuvartate ||
(Gita 3/21)
Whatever an ideal person does, he is followed by others, as well. Whatever standard he sets, the world follows the same.”
A person of good character is never dependent. An ideal person is entirely independent, capable, eligible and entitled.
Narayana ! Narayana !! Narayana !!!
From "Kalyaan Path" in Hindi by Swami Ramsukhdasji

3 Love

"VICTIM OF RAPE.. I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me. It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired. Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed? What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus. It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that. My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home. The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself. My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon. As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue. I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together. And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind. Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T. But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different. Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning. I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward. Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room. Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded. I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean. I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years. Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought. The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one. TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way. Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily. It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word. I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend. After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God. We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT. I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me. WHY? WHY?? WHY??? All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom. Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone. In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling. Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that. Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself. I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members). I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent. Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place. Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders. After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness. I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me. She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration. “Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?" “Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues." "Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?" “Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?" "Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family." "Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships." "This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure." “Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way." "Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins." "You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities? I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX! Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it. It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered. The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape. Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all. In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail. Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant." I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God. Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn. Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on. Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now. We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape. Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name. Jesus is the solution to all situation. I'm Winnie making impact. I say NO to rape. I say NO to suicide. Yes to freedom in Christ. I help singles lead godly healthy relationship. I Write, Speak and Advocate. ©Winnie Ene Louisa"

VICTIM OF RAPE..

I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé  suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me.

It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired.

Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed? 

What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus.

It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that.

My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home.

The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself.

My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon.

As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue.

I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together.

And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind.

Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T.

But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different. 

Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning.

I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward.

Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room.

Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded.

I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean.

I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years.

Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought.

The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one.

TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way. 

Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily. 

It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word.

I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend.

After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God.

We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT. 

I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me.

WHY?                 WHY??                 WHY???

All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom.

Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone.

In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling.

Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that.

Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself.

I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members).

I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent.

Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place.

Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders.

After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness.

I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me.

She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration. 

“Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?"

“Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues."

"Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?"

“Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?" 

"Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family."

"Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships."

"This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure."

“Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way."

"Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins."

"You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities?

I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX!  Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it. 

It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered.

The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape. 

Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all.

In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail. 

Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant."

I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God. 

Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn.

Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on.

Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now.

We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape. 

Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name.

Jesus is the solution to all situation.

I'm Winnie making impact.

I say NO to rape.

I say NO to suicide.

Yes to freedom in  Christ.

I help singles lead godly healthy relationship.

I Write, Speak and Advocate.

©Winnie Ene Louisa

#Saynotorape
#saynotosexualabuse
#saynotosuicide

23 Love
2 Share

VICTIM OF RAPE..

I don’t know how I managed to, I just knew that I was able to find my way home after fighting against his tight grip. I really can’t explain how devastated I am right now. My fiancé suddenly became a beast just because I didn’t permit him to have sex with me.

It's not the first time I am experiencing this but the difference is, I got away this time. I thought ken was different. He is a Christian. He speaks in tongues. In fact, he is the youth pastor of his Church—so respected and admired.

Why is all this happening to me, am I cursed?

What ken did to me this evening brought back the memory of the incident that took place five years ago in my room when I was on campus.

It was not really my fault because I wasn't aware of his plans in the first place. It was like the usual visit to my place after examination, before the end of the semester. I was happy to see him as usual. We were in a relationship, though he wasn't the Church type but he is a good guy and caring at that.

My boyfriend came visiting and I made him comfortable in my abode by preparing his favourite meal and made him feel at home.

The sun began to say farewell to daylight and the twinkle twinkle little stars took over the mantle from day and stood in the gap for itself.

My roommate had gone for vigil as the semester was over. He had never slept in my place before, neither have I in his place even though he stays alone. I was surprised because it's past 8 and he wasn't making plans of leaving anytime soon.

As if reading my mind, he said he won't be leaving as he planned to spend the night with me before going home and moreover, he knows my roommate had gone for vigil. I didn't want to argue.

I adjusted the bedspread in the room and I made sure the door was properly locked, then we went to bed together.

And in the middle of the night, I felt a movement on my body. I thought it was cockroach but I knew it wasn't somehow, then he spoke in the dark, "Baby I want to feel you a little, maybe it will help me sleep as I'm finding it difficult to sleep." When did I turn to lullaby? I said in my mind.

Still struggling to open my mouth and say the word "NO, PLEASE" became a problem for me. While still contemplating how to turn him down without upsetting him, the pleasure I was getting wouldn't allow me. Many thoughts ran through my small mind and I finally said NO... NO... NO... DON'T.

But my plea fell on deaf ears. I got up and turned on the light and behold the TONY I saw was not the guy I knew and loved. He was so strange and different.

Before I knew what was going on my clothes and body were separated. Until today, I can't explain how that magic happened within seconds. "Please don't", was the song I sang till my roommate came back in the morning.

I ended everything with him and I hated him from that day onward.

Or is it when I visited my friend from the fellowship and how I was raped in his room, I wished I died that day. The looks on his friend's face and neighbors, I picked my shattered self and walked head down to my room.

Or when I went to a remote village for service and the accommodation I was able to get because I was new to the area, how thieves visited that day and raped all the ladies there, of course I was not excluded.

I sometimes asked myself how can one person, I mean one small lady, have 3 rape cases in her life time from different men—beasts I mean.

I intentionally stayed away from men, anything men at all for four years.

Ken changed everything. I mean, he was an angel sent to wipe my sorrow and pains away, at least so I thought.

The testimony from his congregation about him gave me no doubt that he was the one.

TONY blamed me for what he did to me, he blamed me for raping me, imagine that!! For years I was with the guilt that I caused the rape, but I realized it wasn't my fault in any way.

Ken taught on rape on one of the days I went to church. Yes, I realized I had forgotten God and had to go back to Him. My life was empty, full of bitterness and pain. I needed to be free at least, I want to drop the heavy loads I was carrying daily.

It was so obvious that something was missing in my life, something no man can give. I resumed going to Church and studying the word.

I was invited to ken's Church and l liked the atmosphere and decided to stay, I decided to pitch my tent there. That was when the announcement of their youth programme was made, I gave it a thought to attend.

After hearing the word from the mouth of an handsome preacher like Ken, I was broken and I rededicated my life to God.

We became friends and finally got into a relationship. I finally thought THIS IS IT.

I was happy, he was happy too and everything was just fine. I thought he was different because he talked about marriage, the very first guy to tell me he wants to get married to me.

WHY? WHY?? WHY???

All men are after sex! I screamed at myself many times in the bathroom.

Sleep had lost its place in me that day, so I decided to surf my phone.

In the process, I saw a post on Facebook about rape by Louisa Ene Winnie and thought to read through. I then decided to tell my friend about my ordeals. I decided to share my story to let someone know how I have been feeling.

Gift was my roommate from year one until we graduated. She was devoted and humble. I have always admired her—everything about her—but I felt since we were both Christians there is nothing special about her. Notwithstanding, deep down I knew she was a better Christian than I am and a true one at that.

Fortunately for me, we attend the same Church but she is married with two kids and I try to avoid her most times in Church for no particular reason if you ask me or maybe am not being truthful to myself.

I know she somehow knew about me and pastor Ken (as he is fondly called by members).

I phoned her the next day and after exchanging pleasantries I told her I wanted to see her and it was very urgent.

Gift is so caring that she agreed to see me that day and we fixed a venue for our meeting, of course my place.

Immediately I saw my friend I couldn't hold back the tears, as I cried on her soft shoulders.

After some minutes of silence she said pastor Ken told her what happened and he is asking for my forgiveness.

I wasn't surprised because I once introduced him to Gift as my roommate and friend in school. But I didn't think he would tell her what he did to me, oh sorry, what he wanted to do to me.

She told me the same guy who attempted to rape me reported to her that I no longer answer his calls nor respond to his messages. “He must have lost his mind. What is he thinking?" I said and immediately narrated my side of the story to Gift. She just smirked after my long narration.

“Gift, what’s all this? I expected you to scream and thank God for me but you are smiling instead. Don’t tell me you are for him or is it because he is a pastor?"

“Hey! Calm down” Gift said still smiling. "Do you know enough about this guy before going into a relationship with him?" She asked me. "Off course. I know his family members and a lot about his background. Besides the testimonies I heard about him gave me convictions that he is the one for me. He is a Pastor, he preaches so well and speaks in tongues."

"Babe, that’s not what I mean. Forget his family and his positions now. What do you know about his values? The person he is?"

“Eeeemmm….. he is a Christian, a Pastor.” "Forget all that for now!" Gift replied almost immediately. "I would be realistic with you, Cherish. I do not blame your ex boyfriends if not you. How could you be so insensitive that you are making the same mistake again?"

"Gift tell me what you know, I want to be married like you and have a family."

"Cherish, in choosing a partner, if your values are not known and considered then you are planting banana peels on your way because the relationship might never result in marriage and even if it does the marriage have high chances of being faulty. You know why? Value systems is key to building solid relationships."

"This is why friendship should be the foundation of every boy and girl relationship. It is during the friendship stage that you get to discover his or her values like, his stand on purity, his goals, his priorities and many more and whether they align with yours or not. Then you get to know if he or she is someone you can go into a relationship with. Relationship is by choice just like friendship not by force or by pressure."

“Gift, how do I know someone’s values? After all I am not a witch.” "You ask questions dear. You need to ask questions concerning what you want to know. You don’t keep mute and be assuming that since he says he is a Christian or a Pastor and he goes to church he is for sexual purity. It doesn’t work that way."

"Pastors are humans too, though expectations are much of them but remember they are humans and thus not excluded from mistakes. They are men and women with blood flowing in their veins."

"You could ask like this, what is your view about sexual abstinence until marriage? What are your priorities?

I won't dispute the fact that every guy irrespective of who they are and what office they occupy wants just one thing in a relationship. Which is SEX, SEX and SEX! Yes. I can say that again and again. They want it now, soon or later after marriage. What depicts their values is when they want it.

It is now your choice to choose the one you want among them. That is why questioning is very vital before accepting a relationship and during the relationship before marriage is finally considered.

The habit of not asking questions has brought marriages to an end. Ask questions. It will save you from unnecessary heartbreaks, like this. Thank God you were able to escape.

Another thing you should know, you shouldn't be visiting him alone especially in his house, except family house, and ensure people are around when you're together. If you must go alone make sure it is an open place like eateries or gardens, places where people are. Leave no room for temptation at all.

In all I have said forgive him but mind you the decision is still yours to make, I won't tell you to go back to him or not, with all I have said make your conclusion. Of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Mind you, If your relationship with God is not solid, your relationship with the man will fail.

Let no one tell you otherwise, Sex isn't part of a relationship personal terms and agreement. It is part of marriage covenant."

I wanted telling her about the other two rape cases that happened to me but I think I know what to do now, heal properly with the help of the Holy Spirit, forgive my offenders including Ken and solidify my relationship with God.

Enough of keeping to myself, it's time to grow and glow with God's children. I saw lots of impactful articles on Winnie Ene Louisa's timeline for singles, it's time to read them up and learn.

Of course I'm not going back to ken but I must forgive him and move on.

Thanks so much Gift, I wish I had spoken to you long time ago just maybe things wouldn't be like this, but I'm glad to know now.

We are so many, Cherish, out there dying in silent pain. Some have been so consumed with self guilt that suicide was their only escape.

Some blame their self for crimes that wasn't their fault that low self-esteem is now their name.

Jesus is the solution to all situation.

I'm Winnie making impact.

I say NO to rape.

I say NO to suicide.

Yes to freedom in Christ.

I help singles lead godly healthy relationship.

I Write, Speak and Advocate.

©Winnie Ene Louisa

4 Love

8 Signs He's Terrible And You Should Dump Him
Irrespective of how great the relationship was before, you should always know when it’s time to call it quits. While this may occasionally be because of a fault on one or both of your parts, sometimes it can be just because the relationship has run its course.
Encompassing all of this, here are a few reasons you should dump him:
1.) He couldn’t keep it in his pants.

Source
You will always deserve someone better than a person who cannot be faithful to you. If he doesn’t respect you enough to remain loyal, or call it off before he wanders to other people, you should know that there’s no amount of repeated apologizing that will ever make you truly forgive this violation of your trust. If not calling it off, consider it a strike.
2.) You just don't feel like staying loyal to him.

Source
Things work both ways. Just as you deserve better if he were to cheat, the same goes for him. If you do not believe that the relationship is worth you being faithful, be fair to the both of you, and part ways. Come clean about what you’ve done, if he chooses to forgive you, don’t abuse the trust.
3.) He is ashamed of you.

Source
Anyone who will not be proud, and want to parade you around in front of the world, doesn’t deserve your trust and love. If he makes you his dirty little secret, call it off, it will definitely cause some serious self-esteem issues for you later in life.
4.) You can’t do long distance.

Source
This is contextually based on whether there is a need to, but if there is, make sure that the two of you are confident and stable enough to try it. If not, go your separate ways before arguments and mistrust ruin the entire relationship, friendship included.
5.) He doesn’t even bother prioritizing you.

Source
If it’s his work or his family, cut him a little slack. But if you constantly find him flaking to only ever spend time with his friends, or other girls, confront him about it. If you’re not feeling loved, you really shouldn’t remain in the relationship for too If it’s his work or his family, cut him a little slack. But if you constantly find him flaking to only ever spend time with his friends, or other girls, confront him about it. If you’re not feeling loved, you really shouldn’t remain in the relationship for too long.
6.) He doesn’t want to take things as slowly as you want to.

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Every boy, if not person, should always be respectful of your space. If you are not ready for something, emotional or physical, ensure that he doesn’t overstep his bounds. Never be forced into doing something you don’t want to, and if you are, its time you ended things.
7.) He constantly compares you to other people.

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If he spends more time pulling you down, then making you feel good about yourself, the solution is pretty obvious. A relationship that survives on such a toxic bond will never last and cause some serious damage to one or both parties involved in it.
8.) It just, doesn’t work.

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While you should always put in your 100% and never bail when things get hard, it is equally important to know when the relationship is destined for failure. Don’t try pushing along a failing relationship, and making both of your lives miserable.


Source:
http://www.thatscoop.com/article/gabyextross/dump-him

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7 Secret Tips to Make Your Relationship Last Longer
There is no elaborate strategy or blueprint to the perfect relationship. In all honestly, all relationships are messy, and they all come with their own share of drama. It is your personal decision to make about whether you chose to work through it, or drop it completely. Make this decision as early in the relationship as possible, this will ensure that minimum damage is caused.
Here are a few secret (but seemingly simple) tips to a long lasting relationship:
1.) Be spontaneous.

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At no point in a relationship, should you give up. Keep them on their toes and always try to surprise them. Take random trips, plan crazy dates and take their breath away at every chance you get. Male or female, it is your duty to keep each other happy and interested throughout the relationship. If it’s worth it, put in the effort.
2.) Communicate.

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Don’t bottle up your feelings. This might work in the short term, but eventually, you will implode and cause more drama than you can imagine. Tell them if something bothers you, and more importantly if something makes you happy. This will ensure that they know what to avoid doing, and what to do to make your day better.
3.) Hook up.

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Don’t underestimate the power of some good between the sheets time. While you should be careful to prevent this from becoming all you do in your relationship, it is important to maintain a healthy balance. Not only is it a great stressbuster, it also gives you the opportunity to try out new and interesting things here too.
4.) Don’t lie.

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White lies to prevent drama and hurt are excusable – but do not make it a habit. When you find yourself lying about serious issues, or trying to cover up for yourself, you know you’ve taken it too far. Honesty is of utmost importance in a relationship. Without it, you lose your trust and then there’s no way to save whatever you may have with them.
5.) Don’t overshare.

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Don’t talk about sex with your ex, don’t constantly compare them to your past and definitely avoid criticizing them too much. Somethings must be kept to yourself, but do not use this as an excuse to be dishonest and hide the truth from them either.
6.) Be supportive.

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Support their dreams. While it is important for you to keep them sane and grounded, do not abuse this power by holding them back. Let them live their lives and fulfil their goals. Your job as their partner is to build them up and help them achieve everything they want. Be sure that this will always be reciprocated.
7.) Don't Judge

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Be the person they can come to with their problems. If they’re constantly worried about what you will think of them, or if you will judge them, they will find someone else to confide in. Provide them with a safe and secure environment in which they can share their deepest insecurities and feelings. This will bind you together in an unbreakable hold.


Source:
http://www.thatscoop.com/article/gabyextross/tips-relationship

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Gita on Character Building
Human body is only for attaining God (Paramatma). etc. Therefore, if one becomes determinate on the one aim of God Realization, then man will turn towards God. On turning towards God, good qualities-good conduct come on their own, and character building begins to take place. However, if man forgets about God Realization, and begins to hoard worldly possessions and enjoy sense pleasures, then he falls down in character. He who loses his character, is not even worthy and deserving of being called a man.“Par drohee par daar rat par dhan par apabaad |Te nar paanvar paapamai deha dhare manujaad ||(Manas 7/39)Bhagavad Gita’s entire spiritual instructions are for building character. Previously, Arjuna’s sentiment was to fight the war, therefore he invited Lord and accepted Him in the form of a charioteer and became ready to enter the battlefield to fight. However, Lord’s intent was to see to Arjuna’s eternal good (salvation). Arjuna said that place the chariot in-between both the armies so that I can see who is present to fight me with both hands. The Lord, did exactly as told and placed the chariot right in between both the armies and said, that see the members of the Kuru dynasty (1/21-25). On hearing the word, Kuru dynasty, Arjuna suddenly became conscious of his family, affiliated with his body. He became frightened by the thought that all of them will die and thus turning away from his duty, said – I will not fight. To turn away from one’s duty is the main obstacle in character building. The Lord said – O’ What are you doing? It is your duty to fight, therefore giving up attachment and cowardliness, stand up to fight (Gita 2/2-3).It is only to engage man in the path of duty that Bhagavad Gita manifested. It is only in renouncing your rights and properly performing your duties that character is developed, whereas on neglecting your duties the character is destroyed. God says – “Na tvevaaham jaatu naasam….” (Gita 2/12) - Here the Lord begins His spiritual instructions and first deliberates on the body and the indweller, the perishable and imperishable. The point is that leaving aside (not paying attention to) the perishable things, pay attention to the imperishable. By doing so, character building takes place.There is one very important point, that when the aim is of the imperishable, the perishable things will come on their own. You will not have to undergo suffering for them. But if the aim and focus is of the perishable, the imperishable essence will not be attained, and one will have to worry and make an effort for the perishable. And further ahead Lord says, that see toward one’s innate duty, therefore it is only beneficial to fight the war of righteousness for a Kshatriya. (Gita 2/31). The point is that it is only by fulfilling duty that man progresses, and by going towards non-duty he takes a fall. The main thing in fulfilling one’s duty, is to renounce desires, proprietary interest and attachment. The meaning of renouncing these is that one should not have the aim of “jada”, the inert (insentient). Previously the body etc. were not ours, later on as well, they will not remain ours and at present too they are separating from us every single moment. If this kind of alertness is awakened then the aim will not be of the inert and the senses, the inner faculties will be restrained and controlled on their own. In self-control itself is the building of character. In lack of control and lack of restraint, progress is curtailed and with that the character falls.In the beginning of the third Chapter, Arjuna asks that why are you engaging me in these most sinful acts? Lord says – though these appear to be very sinful on the surface, than too one must fulfill their duties by giving up selfishness, proprietary interest, egoism, and desires. By doing so, the dreadfulness does not remain, only the action remains. Actions can be various according to one’s varna (order of life) and ashram (stage in life), but the terribleness, the filth, the passion , all lead to one’s downfall, and it arises due to desires. Keeping desires in the forefront if one reads and shares with others the spiritual messages (with the aim of money or other things), it is considered demoniac tendency and one cannot escape sins; even on listening and sharing spiritual truths, good character cannot be developed because desire is the root of all sins (Gita 3/37). However, if the aim is God, then even though engaged in worldly duties and activities, then too good character will come in them. Therefore, in the third chapter, Lord gives great emphasis on renouncing desires and doing one’s duty. Similarly, in the fourth chapter it has been said that when there is no desires, when there is no sense of pride in doership, then all actions become inactions, in other words, even while doing karma, man is not bound; because his aim is to go towards God. In the fifth chapter also says to fulfill one’s duty -Yuktah karmaphalam tyaktvaa shanatimaanoti naishthikim |Ayuktah kaamkaarena phale sakto nibhadhyate || (Gita 5/12)“He who is a Karmayogi, who by abandoning attachment to the fruit of action, attains everlasting peace (God Realization); whereas, he who acts with a selfish motive, being attached to the fruit of actions through desire acquires bondage.” Fruits (objects) are the kind that will be born and will later perish, but the desire for them is what is binding. Desire makes one fall in character. When character takes a fall, there is lack of peace and whereas building character, one attains peace. The moment there is ill feelings in the mind, one experiences lack of peace. And the moment there is good feelings within, peace immediately follows.If you are attentive, then it is every man’s experience that the more that he renounces the perishable, that much peace, joy, equanimity, good qualities, continue to come in him and the more that he desires the perishable things, that much lack of peace, discord, anguish, burning infliction, and bad qualities arise.In the sixth chapter also, it has been said to engage in God having “That” as the aim. That God is present and pervading everywhere. He who sees Me (the Universal Self, God) present in all beings and sees all beings existing in Me (Paramatma), I am never out of sight for him, nor is he ever out of my sight.Yo maam paschyati sarvatra sarvam cha mayi pashyatiTasyaahum na pranashyaami sa cha mein na pranashyati || (Gita 6/30)That man who sees other’s sorrow and happiness as his own happiness and sorrow, he is an eternal yogi -Aatmoupamyena sarvatra samam pashyati yorjuna |Sukham va yadi vaa dukham sa yogi paramo matah || (Gita 6/32)He who has the sentiments - Let there be no sorrow such a one attains God (Paramatma tattva). How can the suffering of all come to an end? How can all be happy? One who has such sentiments - their character is the highest of all. Further when the conversation lead to bringing the mind under control, then the Lord revealed about study and practice “abhyaas” and detachment “vairaag” (Gita 6/35). In other words, there too the talks are about removing the mind from the world, and engaging it in God. When talking about progress in the life beyond this world, there too the same has been intellect is only in God, he is considered the best among the yogis (Gita 6/47). He who walks the path of God, if his spiritual practices comes to an end in the middle and he dies then too he will be benefited, he will attain misfortune (Gita 6/40). Those who do work for the welfare of all, even if their work is left incomplete, he will be benefited. He whose mind and It is only eminent to be engaged in God.He who is not devoted to God, God calls him an evil doer (Gita 7/15) and he who is devoted to God, he is called virtuous (Gita 7/16). The point is that he who walks the path towards God are called virtuous and benevolent, and he who walks the path of the world is called an evil-doer. Further ahead it is said that he whose actions are pure, whose character is great, they become unyielding in their spiritual pursuits and do worship and devotion of God (Gita 7/28).
In walking the path towards God, remembrance is the key point. In the beginning of the Eight Chapter, on questioning by Arjuna, the Lord said that he who leaves this body while remembering Me, he attains Me - of this there is no doubt. (Gita 8/5).
Because whatever the sentiments and feelings that are recollected at the time of leaving the body, that alone he attains. (Gita 8/6) Therefore God says, that keep in mind and remember Me at all times - “Sarveshu kaaleshu Maamanusmara” (Gita 8/7). Then God said something extra-ordinary that he who remembers Me at all times, for him I am easily attainable.
Anayacheta satatam yo maam smarati nityasah |
Tasyaham sulabh paarth nitya yuktasya yoginah || (Gita 8/14)
To remember God is a divine trait. It is innateness the root of good character. The meaning of being in remembrance of God is - that remembering and recollecting the innate relation that we have with God, that very relationship, is the one only real relationship. I do not have a relationship with the world. I have only assumed a relationship with the world, therefore this relationship does not last. It is clearly seen that the relationships we have in this birth, they were not there in the previous birth, and they will not be there in the next birth. In the same way this world is constantly changing, but God is the same, as Is, and I myself am also the same. Therefore my relationship with Paramatma is eternal. Remembering this itself is recollection and remembrance (smruti). Thinking can also be of the world, but “smruti” can only be of God. On having such recollection and remembrance, good character is axiomatic.
He who is inclined towards God, becomes the best of all. There is greater gains among those who walk the path of God with aim of God, than the gains that come from Vedas (holy texts), sacrifice, austerities, charity, visiting holy places, fasting etc. (Gita 8/28).
Therefore inclination towards God is considered to to be the sovereign of sciences (king of all knowledge), most mysterious, supremely holy, most excellent, directly realizable, endowed with virtues, very easy to practice and imperishable (Gita 9/2). God finds Himself to be so easy to attain, that “he who with devotion offers a leaf, a flower, a fruit, water etc. I partake in that thing., (Gita 9/26). Therefore, whatever you do, whatever you eat, whatever you offer in sacrifice (yajna), whateer you bestow as a gift, whatever you do by way of penance, dedicate it all to Me, then you will be freed from bondage of actions having good and bad results; and freed from them you yourself having completely surrendered shall attain Me (Gita 9/27 – 28).
Whether a man is evil or good – he must not worry. The main point is that that he is engaged in God. On becoming engaged in God, his bad conduct cannot last. He can very quickly become righteous and he attains eternal peace (Gita 9/30-31) . Women folks, Vaisyas, Sudras, and even those that are born of sinful wombs taking refuge in Me, attain the Supreme God. (Gita 9/32-33). However many different “jaatis” that are present, of these externally there is the separation due to nature, but from within all are a part of God. Therefore in worldly relations, the importance is of conducting one’s self according to one’s “Varna,” but in the path of spirituality, there is no importance of “varna” etc. because in the form of divinity (being a part of God), every one’s true nature is pure and all are equally entitled to God. God says, that “Fix your mind on Me, be devoted to Me, adore Me, prostrate to Me, thus making yourself steadfast in Me, and entirely surrendering to Me, you will reach Me.” (Gita 9/34). The point of all this is that only be engaged in Me.
In the tenth chapter on Arjuna’s pleading, God described His super human powers and His Universal form. The essence of what He said - “I am all pervasive in the World. Wherever you see something extra-ordinary, (glorious, brilliant, powerful), know it to be a manifestation of a spark of My splendor” (Gita 10/41). That specialty is due to Me alone. The point is that wherever whatever you find brilliant, abundant, remarkable, there too, the sight should turn towards God. There after he says “what is the reason for you to gain detailed knowledge? I stand supporting the entire Universe, with a single fragment of Myself.” (Gita 10/42) On hearing this, Arjuna, desired to see that Universal Form of the Lord, in Whose single fragment is the entire Universe. The Lord bestowed Arjuna with “divya chakshu” (special divine vision) to behold this sight. * On seeing the divine vision, Arjuna became perplexed, became filled with fear, became charmed. Then God said that this is your foolishness. I am the same One, then why are you fearful?
In the twelfth Chapter, Arjuna asked “he who worships the Imperishable and the Unmanifest and he who worships God with attributes (bhaktimarg), which of the two are better versed in yoga? (Gita 12/1). The path of the Imperishable, Unmanifest (jnana marg), are using their own effort, but in the path of “bhakti” the dependence is on only God. In the path of the Imperishable, divine attributes, discrimination and detachment etc. have to be acquired, but in the path of devotion, on taking refuge in the Lord, divine qualities, good attributes and conduct are automatically and naturally acquired (Gita 12/7). Therefore God says that “you give your mind and intellect to Me alone, there upon you will live in Me alone.” (Gita 12/8). God says - the devotee who is living in Me alone, is most dear to Me. As such, all the beings are dear to God, but he who takes refuge in God, he is most dear to God. Simply by being devoted and engrossed in God, good qualities and conduct come on its own, without any effort.
In the thirteenth Chapter, God describes the path of knowledge (of the Imperishable), and while he describes good qualities such as “absence of pride” (amaanitva) etc., he brings up “Unswerving Devotion to Me with sole dependence on Me alone” – ”Mayi chaananyayogen bhaktiravyabhichaarini” (Gita 13/10). In the Fourteenth Chapter also there is talks about devotion “bhakti” - “He who worships Me with unadulterated devotion, rises above the three modes and becomes eligible, for attaining Brahma”. (Gita 14/26). It is only due to affinity with attributes (gunas) that demonaic traits are born, due to which births in higher and lower forms take place. On walking the path of Divinity (God), one rises above the three modes.
In the fifteenth chapter God reveals His extra-ordinary glories and radiance and says that I am the Supreme Personality (Supreme Soul) over both the “Insentient” (Perishable) and “Sentient” (Imperishable Embodied Soul). (Gita 15/16-18). He who knows Me as the Supreme Personality, the Highest Person, is “sarvavid” the knower of all, and he worships Me, with all his being. (Gita 15/19). Divine traits naturally manifest in him who is devoted to Me and worships Me. Therefore in Sixteenth Chapter, God gives the description of “Divine Traits”. But, he who has become distant from God, who only wants to nourish his own body, to engage in sense enjoyments and in hoarding, demoniac tendencies manifest in him. God elaborates at great length those demoniac traits in the Sixteenth Chapter. He says, Divine traits leads to liberation, whereas Demoniac traits lead to bondage. (Gita 16/5), and such a person attains birth through 8.4 million different wombs (Gita 16/19) and goes to hell. (Gita 16/20).
In the Seventeenth Chapter, the Lord describes the three modes - of goodness (sattvic), passion (rajasic) and ignorance (tamasic). Even on seeing this, the goodness and divine sentiments are among those that have a disinclination for the world and inclination towards God. They rise above the sentiments of passion and ignorance. Thus those who perform the acts of sacrifice, penance and various acts of charity for God, then such acts are of the mode of goodness and they are liberating. (Gita 17/25). However if they are done for the world, i.e. with aim of honor, fame, pleasure, rest and relaxation etc. and sacrifices, austerities, charity etc. done with negligence and ignorance, then they become of the mode of passion and ignorance.
In the Eighteenth chapter, God elaborates in great detail, Sanyaas (Sankhyayoga) and “tyaag” (Karmayog). In the end God concludes that leave dependency of all dharmas, and only take refuge in Me.
“Sarvadharmaan parityajya maamekum sharanam vraja |
Aham tvaa sarvapaapebhyo Mokshayishyami maa suchah || (Gita 18/66)
All the work in the world, all accomplishments, all progress, all is encompassed in that one – “sharanagati” (taking refuge in the Lord”. God says that all the sins that are there, evil qualities and conduct, I will free you from these. You do not worry. By My grace, the divine traits will come naturally, on their own.
Just as a child that stays in his mother’s lap, gets provided for, is nourished, taken care of and he grows, similarly, on taking the refuge in the Lord, all the good traits and conduct will come unknowingly. Building of character will take place on its own.
In this manner, in the entire Gita if one sees then there is only one point - walking the path towards God, i.e. becoming inclined towards God. The aim of going towards the Lord is itself an aid in preventing the fall of one’s character. All evil qualities and conduct come from desire for sense pleasures and hoarding. Of this, the importance of money and dependence on it, leads to the worst downfall. By this, man’s character goes down. When character takes a fall, people talk ill of him and he is dishonored.
A man who has fallen in character, he is lower than even animal and those dwelling in hell; because animal and hellish ones are suffering the consequences of their past actions, and are moving towards human birth, but by incurring sins, a characterless man, is moving towards animal life and hell! Association of such men is the kind that will lead to downfall. Therefore it is said -
Baru bhal baas narak kar taataa |
Dusht sang jani deyi bidhaataa || (Manas 5/46/4)
Therefore for improving your character, become inclined towards God, that is – I am God’s and God is mine. I am not this world’s, the world is not mine.
The mistake that man makes is that which is not his, those thing that belong to the world, he considers them as his own, and that which is actually his, i.e. God, he does not accept as his own. As such, if it is seen, the things of the world are his only for proper use. But for himself, God is his very own. Because the things belong to the world, therefore they have to be offered to the world for serving and man himself is God’s, therefore he must surrender himself to God. Neither he has to take anything from the world, nor does he have anything to take from God. If something is to be taken, then let that be God Himself.
By desiring things of the world, one establishes a relationship with the world. Desire arises from attachment, i.e. desire arises by considering the body, wife, son, wealth, etc. as mine. Now if we think and accept the body, wife, son, wealth etc. as our own, can we say we have an independent right over them? Can we keep them as long as we like? Can we stay with them forever? If the answer is No! Than what is the difficulty in getting rid of the sense of mine-ness? By leaving the erroneously accepted sense of mine, desires will not arise. When desires do not arise, automatically there will be a feeling of mine-ness with God; because God is eternally ours from time immemorial and God is ever-attained. On having sense of mine-ness with God, feelings and conduct will be purified.
Body, wife, son, wealth, house, various possessions, are they real or unreal – this doubt may arise, but our relationship with them is unreal, of this there is no possibility of doubt at all. On knowing the unreal as unreal, the unreal relation is renounced very easily and on becoming inclined towards God, the eternal relationship with God is automatically awakened. Thereafter good character and conduct comes on its own and man becomes a role-model of good character, in other words, his character becomes one that is worthy of respect.
Yadyadaacharati shreshthasttdevetaro janah |
Sa yatpramaanam kurute lokastdanuvartate ||
(Gita 3/21)
Whatever an ideal person does, he is followed by others, as well. Whatever standard he sets, the world follows the same.”
A person of good character is never dependent. An ideal person is entirely independent, capable, eligible and entitled.
Narayana ! Narayana !! Narayana !!!
From "Kalyaan Path" in Hindi by Swami Ramsukhdasji

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