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Brenda Nalugo

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a3bbb74b8ca7a3fcc2629b5cc50828a0

Brenda Nalugo

I keep waiting for you to walk away
Like my past lovers,am waiting for the moment you decide I am not good enough for you

So I listen to you make promises
Promises your going to break.
I see you making plans  for forever and I wonder when you will realize there is no forever for us.

I wonder what your reason will be
The first one said I was too good for him
(Hahaha) leave it to a man to think he knows what you want.
The other said I was too broken
And the one before you said I was too strong....
What will be your justification for breaking my heart
Ruining my life
When are you planning to leave me??

I keep waiting for you to walk away....
But silently I pray you choose to stay 
Because of all my lovers, you leaving me will hurt the most
--wait ,I said that about all of the lovers I had before you heart broken

heart broken

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Brenda Nalugo

WHEN??
I keep waiting for you to walk away
Like my past lovers,am waiting for the moment you decide I am not good enough for you

So I listen to you make promises
Promises your going to break.
I see you making plans  for forever and I wonder when you will realize there is no forever for us.

I wonder what your reason will be
The first one said I was too good for him
(Hahaha) leave it to a man to think he knows what you want.
The other said I was too broken
And the one before you said I was too strong....
What will be your justification for breaking my heart
Ruining my life
When are you planning to leave me??

I keep waiting for you to walk away....
But silently I pray you choose to stay 
Because of all my lovers, you leaving me will hurt the most
--wait ,I said that about all of the lovers I had before you #broken
a3bbb74b8ca7a3fcc2629b5cc50828a0

Brenda Nalugo

Have high standards but low expectations
#lifelesson
a3bbb74b8ca7a3fcc2629b5cc50828a0

Brenda Nalugo

DEAD TO ME!!!!!

I killed you off 

Sometimes we get so used to having people in our lives that letting them go even when they hurt us becomes really hard.
Being a really toxic person is one thing...but being toxic, ungrateful,a liar,a thief , abusive , disrespectful...!!
Having so many undesired traits bottled up in one human  is worse than moving in a field of poison ivy.
Having such a person around keeps you on edge!
It drains you....takes up all the oxygen & life in you

You were to me,worse than all those nightmares cause while you featured in all of them,I was sure I would wake up.
But you...you were real
 Always around like a shadow, watching me
Like  a ghost ,haunting me!!
At every turn I saw you.

BUT NOT ANYMORE.
You see,when you realize that you have options and the ability to use them, your set free.
When I learned that I had that power..I felt like a jail bird out of it's cage.
I was free .

I killed you off..
I dug a grave,hit you on the head & dragged you to it.
I knew you weren't dead yet
I wanted you to feel the life leaving your body so that you know just how I felt all those times you dragged me by my hair.
And hit my head against the wall.
I wanted to cut off all your limbs & make you beg me for help
For all those times I was left at your mercy
In my head...I desired & did all that.
But morality,and humanity...
I didn't want to be like you.
I didn't want to recreate the scene in which you had killed my dog,I was just 9 but you didn't care 
Took it's life with a hammer to the head!!
I didn't want to be like you... didn't want to take a life though honestly yours was always of less value than that of a dog.
Still.
It wasn't worth it 
Having your filthy blood on my hands.
Losing my humanity as you lost your life
You weren't worth it

When people ask what happened
I can say your dead.
Cause at least in my head,in my heart
I killed you off 
And  when they ask about the grave
I can always comfortably say..
*"Beasts are left out in the field to rot,no proper burial was  necessary for this  one either"*

Toxic people cant live without prey.. it slowly & painfully kills them
You have the power to do what
To move on & well kill them off
They'll still be alive somewhere...but at least...they be DEAD TO YOU #take charge

#take charge

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Brenda Nalugo

life has taught us different lessons through different experiences 
so don't judge me by your experience cause mine is unlike it #life
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Brenda Nalugo

Am not complicated 
I just love myself more than anybody else
And I put myself before everything and anything
if thats not up to your "standards"... then walk away. #selflove
a3bbb74b8ca7a3fcc2629b5cc50828a0

Brenda Nalugo

not all sad memories are bad memories #quote
a3bbb74b8ca7a3fcc2629b5cc50828a0

Brenda Nalugo

To the man whose pain I caused,
Am sorry.
Am sorry that I broke your heart and messed you up while I was trying to fix myself.
It may seem  too late for this apology
 But for me,it feels right
Cause had I said these words back then,
They wouldn't have been genuine at all

Am sorry for the times you asked that we go out together and I claimed to be busy while I stayed home to binge watch some series
The time you sent me roses and I whined about my preference for orchids.
Friday night when you returned from your work trip , came to see me and I said I didn't want to look at you
Am sorry.

Am sorry that when we broke up 
I let my friends believe you had hurt me,
They called you trash and said I was better off without you
I could have told them the truth ,
Could have told them I was the monster not you.
I was the trash and you were constantly trying to recycle me.
That it was you who was better off without me 
But I kept silent.

Am sorry, really sorry that from the start I knew this wasn't going to last forever but I let you believe it would.
That when you said you loved me ,I said I loved you 2 and yet I didn't

Thinking back to the time we met,I feel sorry,
Am sorry because I think if we went back in time I would still be selfish
I would still lure you in ,
I would still use you
Because for a broken, messed up girl like me,
Your love was and still is like a dream.
Your are the best thing that has ever happened to me..
Am sorry that for all your charm , love and affection....I gave you nothing but
my darkness in return
And am sorry that it took me this long to say-SORRY #SORRY
a3bbb74b8ca7a3fcc2629b5cc50828a0

Brenda Nalugo

TODAY
Well today could have been our anniversary
Today....I would have dressed just for you
Today, I would have written you a poem or a love letter, maybe both
Today...I would..
But today marks 634 days since you broke my heart
634 days since I found you in her arms
Today, could have been our anniversary,but instead... today serves as a reminder of my foolishness and immaturity.

I had you were getting married
And oh, thank you for asking
If I was "okay" with it, like my opinion ever mattered
And thanks for the apology,but I think it's too late
It was too late  the moment I caught you
And oh thanks for the invite..
What a blissful reunion it would be if I showed up at your wedding

Today, exactly 634 days ago,I slit my wrists
I felt at peace as I bled 
I found peace in my dark thoughts
But today 634 days ago,I was saved by my mother
And I realized she had raised me better
That I was never really in love with you,I was in love with a version of you that you switched on when you wanted to get laid 
That I deserved better.

Today, today...my therapist gave me a punching bag with your face on it
She asked me to hit hard to let go of all my anger
But today I realized it wasn't worth it, you weren't worth it
Today I realized I owed myself an apology for my stupidity
For trying to kill myself
For putting you before me
Today... could have been our anniversary but am glad it isn't
Cause today...I realized am glad I lost you #heart break#
a3bbb74b8ca7a3fcc2629b5cc50828a0

Brenda Nalugo

I think when my mom told me to keep away from boys,she didn't know you
And when the preacher man asked us to abstain...he hadn't seen you
Oh son of Adam,child of Eve ... your like the serpent and my body your willing Eden
Take me....I don't need an apple I need your touch.

The preacher said if we waited long enough we would have heaven..
I think my wait is over...
My promised Land my eyes behold when they are cast on your body
I find my heaven in your arms

Oh son of Abraham....
Let's grow old together,
I'll be your Bathsheba cause you rule over me like David

My mom said..
Boys will use you and dump you
And if he loves you..he will wait
What are we waiting for??
My body is on fire... like the Israelites awaited their exodus I await your touch
Conquer me,take me for like the Israelites certain of victory in every battle...I know this will end beautifully as well #lust I think

#lust I think

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