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Death Angel
Death Angel
why do you stare at me so?
I know that it’s me you have come to take,
I can feel it’s my time to go.

Death Angel
Death Angel
I know why you wear a grin.
The time has come to punish me,
to make me pay for all of my sins.

Death Angel
Death Angel
is your silence to mourn-
the passing of a foolish man,
like the calm before the storm?

Death Angel
Death Angel
why do you stand so still?
Am I not worthy of a single move?
Will I be that easy to kill?

Death Angel
Death Angel
why do you torment me so?
Why not just get it over with-
and take me, it’s my time to go!

Death Angel
Death Angel
why do look to my right?
Oh no, my son!
Oh no, my son!
He's playing just outside!

How long has it been since I last checked on him?
Ten minutes, maybe more?
I will not let you get to him,
I have to beat you to the door!

My son!
My son!
come back over here now!
Don't wander off that far!
What’s that noise?
Oh no the road!
Son look out, a car!

Death Angel
Death Angel
what more can I say?
I’ve lost my wife,
and now my son.
I'll see you again by the end of the day.

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Read the caption

Have you ever saw a patient fighting for life with death?
I have.
My father was diagnosed Cancer back in Feb 2016. I came to know about it, after his death. I always believed that my father in a way is too good person to harm someone, or to be harmed back. But cancer chooses people unbiasedly, actually death chooses people unbiasedly - You are never too old or never too young to die.
One of the thing my father always told me was, We all are here to die. He would tell me, "when its time for him to go, even if he will be healthy, he will have to go". My Father, Alhumdulil'lah was a believer. He believed in Allah. He believed in death. But, I did see him fighting to live, ofcourse not for himself, but for us. Oneday, When he was ill, I told him when will you get well, I am tired to see you on bed! He replied that, "Even if I get well, someday I still will have to die". But I know, he wanted to live for us. One of the audio clips we have, when he was on death bed, he says there, "this is so painful, and the only reason I don't want give up on life are my daughters"
When I look for myself today, I don't think it was just dad who died, but we all did ( my family and me). Cancer did not steal just dad from us, but also a major part of us. I see the unfilled cracks of his separation in my soul, that no richs, and pleasure can fill. I miss him, And sometimes, it feels like I have loss myself in that process. But we are believers, And, we have to believe in death. We have to accept this life, like all the pleasures of this world, are temporary. We don't get to choose death, death chooses us. Death is meant to be, sooner or later.
I miss dad, I miss him everytime I am breathing, Everytime I am writing. Missing him is constant. I miss the person, who bought light to my life by educating me. I remember, When I was very young, and when he will pray, I will pray with him. Repeat everything that he says. My father build in me, a person - Kind enough to help anyone unbiasedly, anytime and strong enough to refuse pleasures at the stake of self respect.
One of the most beautiful thing, My father did for me is teaching me the etiquettes of Islam. He never prioritised this life, over the world hereafter, and I am glad he taught us all same.
I remember, how he used to stand for prayers even when he was too ill.
I remember our last eid, and, all he said was to recite a Naat sharief for him. I remember, how he touched my freshly pierced ears for the first and last time. I remember, how badly he wanted to see me as an engineer, and how proud he was of all his daughters.
Sometimes, I do feel I have not been a good daughter, never good enough. But I know, No matter where I am, what I do, How messed up, How cracked, How ashamed, If it's my father he will embrace me in his arms.!
I miss you dad, Always!!

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Don't Live in Future: Live Your Present -> Fulfill your dreams
We often live a life, where we plan for future that we will:
- Have a stable and comfortable Job
- Earn 1+ Lac Rupees in a month
- Get married @ 30
- Have 1/2 Kids, Name them, Play with them
- Have a 3 BHK in a metro
- Travel to a new destination twice a year

- Try a new eating place every week
- Watch a new movie every weekend in PVR, eating popcorns
- Have a pet
And we keep living this life, where we think that let me postpone my dreams of a perfect life for tomorrow and slog today at something I don't love.


We keep postponing things we love, things like may be learning to play Guitar, saying someone that you we love her/him, going to a new place, starting a new business, etc, thinking that let me save for tomorrow and I will do fulfill my dreams at 40 or 45 or after that, not realizing that the only reality of life "Death" is not in our control.
"Death" is the naked truth of life, and it hits us at time when sometimes we know, and sometimes we dont, but it does hits us. Well truth is no one wants to discuss about Death, Maybe It makes us think about all we haven't accomplished or It is unsettling to think about our mortality .
It reminds me words by Steve Jobs:

“Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool that I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.
Almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.
Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is how it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new"


Death is something on which no one sees how many unfulfilled dreams you have, how many memories you made, or anything. As soon as you die, within 24 hours, not beyond that -> 4 People will pick you up (according to Hindu tradition), take you to a barren land, make you naked, wrap you up in nothing but white, crack your head up and fill it up with a combustible substance (most likely ghee) , fire you up, and before you can than wonder what happened, you will turn in to ashes and nothing more.
Yes, a pot of ash weighing less than a Kg.


Between the time you have unfulfilled dreams in your heart and you turn in to ashes - there is hardly a time gap of at max 48 hours.

Hence, don't lie to you about a better and beautiful tomorrow, dont make stupid plans where your dreams are postponed to a unknown day. Live today, make each day count.

Do whatever fuck you want to do today, dont waste your life making stupid plans.

Go learn whatever you wanted to learn, Guitar, Horse riding or whatever.

Communicate whoever you loved, that you actually love them.
Watch Movie, Listen to the Songs.
Startup.


Fullfill all your dreams, today.
Live in present and not planning for future, because present is the best gift you have.

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What are the benefits of drinking black Coffee?

Drinking black coffee has numerous health benefits as it is loaded with antioxidants and nutrients. Let’s have a look at some of the most health benefits of drinking black coffee. Drinking four or more cups of caffeinated coffee daily lowered the risk of colon cancer recurrence or death by 52 percent compared to those who drank no coffee. Drinking two or three cups per day was also beneficial, lowering the risk of recurrence or death by 31 percent. Coffee’s benefit is due in part to beneficial antioxidants and in part due to caffeine, which increases your body’s sensitivity to insulin, reducing inflammation – a risk factor for cancer and other chronic diseases. Coffee drinking has long been viewed as more of a vice or a crutch to get a quick energy boost to power through the day, but this view is now changing as the health benefits of coffee continue to be revealed. This is good news for those of you who sip on a cup of joe in the morning, as it turns out this may be a quite healthy way to start your day. However, please remember that coffee is one of the most heavily pesticide sprayed crops in the world. If you drink it please be sure to get organic and ideally fair traded, This is less than 3% of all coffee. Black coffee contains low fat and calories. It is loaded with antioxidants properties and nutrition. It helps to boost your physical stamina.

Reduces risk of cancer

Cancer has become one of the biggest killers in today’s world. The compound in coffee helps in preventing certain types of cancer such as liver, breast, colon and rectal cancer. Coffee reduces inflammation which is one of the main reasons behind the development of tumour. Among people with advanced (stage III) colon cancer, drinking four or more cups of caffeinated coffee daily lowered the risk of cancer recurrence or death during the study by 52 percent compared to those who drank no coffee. Drinking two or three cups per day was also beneficial, lowering the risk of recurrence or death by 31 percent. The researchers stressed that other caffeinated beverages, such as soda, did not have the same effect. No link was found between decaffeinated coffee and risk of colon cancer recurrence either. Further, a causal link was not found. This means it could simply be that coffee drinkers tend to follow a healthier overall lifestyle that’s contributing to the lower risk. However, the antioxidants and other beneficial plant compounds in coffee have been linked to a lower chronic disease risk before. In fact, coffee has been linked to a lower risk type 2 diabetes as well, a condition known to increase the risk of colon cancer. It’s likely that compounds in coffee may lower the risk of multiple chronic diseases via similar pathways. As reported by the New York Times: “The researchers’ hypothesis is that the factors that increase risk for Type 2 diabetes, such as obesity, a sedentary lifestyle, and high insulin levels, also drive colon cancer, Dr. [Charles S.] Fuchs [director of the Gastrointestinal Cancer Center at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute in Boston] said. And many studies have shown that coffee consumption is associated with a lower risk for Type 2 diabetes, a chronic illness that may increase the risk of colon cancer. ‘We believe that activating the energy pathways that contribute to heart disease and diabetes is also relevant for the proliferation of cancer cells,’ Dr. Fuchs said, while also stressing that more research was needed. The analysis determined the lowered risk associated with coffee was… because of the caffeine. One hypothesis is that caffeine increases the body’s sensitivity to insulin, so it requires less of the hormone. That, in turn, may reduce inflammation, which is a risk factor for diabetes and cancer.”

What Else Does the Research Say About Coffee and Cancer?

While a number of individual studies have suggested coffee consumption might increase your cancer risk, when multiple studies are analyzed, such as is the case with meta-analyses, the association disappears, and, in fact, becomes protective. For instance, one 2007 meta-analysis found an increase in consumption of two cups of coffee per day was associated with a 43 percent reduced risk of liver cancer – a finding that has been confirmed by more recent research. Not to mention, coffee appears to have additional benefits for liver health, slowing down the progression of liver disease to cirrhosis, improving responses in people with hepatitis C, and lowering the risk of death in people with cirrhosis. The potential benefit of coffee for liver health appears so strong that researchers have stated daily coffee consumption should be encouraged in people with chronic liver disease. Another meta-analysis involving 59 studies revealed an increase in consumption of one cup of coffee per day was associated with a 3 percent reduced risk of cancers. According to the researchers: “[C]offee drinking was associated with a reduced risk of bladder, breast, buccal and pharyngeal, colorectal, endometrial, esophageal, hepatocellular, leukemic, pancreatic, and prostate cancers.” There’s even research showing coffee consumption could lower your risk of skin cancer. Drinking four cups of caffeinated coffee daily might reduce your risk of melanoma, the most dangerous form of skin cancer. According to researchers: “[C]offee constituents suppress UVB-induced skin carcinogenesis, induce cell apoptosis, protect against oxidative stress and DNA damage, reduce inflammation in epidermal cells, and inhibit changes in DNA methylation.” Women who consumed more than three cups of coffee a day had a significantly lower risk of basal cell carcinoma (non-melanoma skin cancer) than those who consumed less than one cup per month.

Roasted Coffee Contains More Than 1,000 Compounds, Many of Which May Help Fight Cancer

Coffee has multiple potential anti-cancer pathways. As mentioned, caffeine is one of them, as its been shown to both stimulate and suppress tumors depending on the cancer and when it’s administered. Polyphenols in coffee, such as lignan phytoestrogens, flavonoids, and polyphenols are also known to have anti-cancer properties, as does caffeic acid, which inactivates several pathways involved in the development of tumors – including cell cycle regulation, inflammatory and stress response, and apoptosis. Researchers noted in the journal BMC Cancer: “There are two specific diterpenes in coffee, cafestol and kahweal, which produce biological effects compatible with anti-carcinogenic properties, including the induction of phase II enzymes involved in carcinogen detoxification, specific inhibition of the activity of phase I enzyme responsible for carcinogen activation, and stimulation of intracellular antioxidant defense mechanisms. Coffee is also a major source of the chlorogenic acid that contributes to its antioxidant effect. Intake of chlorogenic acid has been shown to reduce glucose concentrations in rats and intake of quinides, degradation products of chlorogenic acid, increases insulin sensitivity. Chronic hyperinsulinemia and insulin resistance are confirmed markers of high risk for some cancer sites.”

Makes you age gracefully

Having black coffee without sugar keeps your mind and body young. Black coffee also helps in preventing Parkinson’s disease by boosting the dopamine levels in the body.

Lower the tendency of premature death

Research published in the New England Journal of Medicine has even shown that coffee consumption is inversely associated with premature death. The more coffee drank, the lower the risk of death became, including deaths from heart disease, respiratory disease, stroke, injuries and accidents, diabetes, and infections.

It boosts memory

Increasing age leads to decreased cognitive skills and increased risk of Dementia, Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s disease. Having black coffee in the morning enhances the brain function. Black coffee helps the brain to stay active and thus helps in boosting the memory power. It also keeps the nerves active which in turn keeps dementia at bay. Studies say regular consumption of black coffee reduces risk of Alzheimer’s by 65 per cent and Parkinson’s by 60 per cent.

Improves performance during workout

One of the biggest and best benefits of black coffee is that it drastically improves your physical performance and helps you to give your 100 per cent during a workout session. This is the reason why your gym trainer asks you to have black coffee before you come for workout. It works by increasing Epinephrine (Adrenaline) levels in the blood, which prepares the body for intense physical exertion. It also breaks down stored body fat and releases fat cells into the blood stream in the form of free fatty acids which can be used as fuel for strenuous physical activities.

Beneficial for liver

Liver is one of the most vital organs of our body as it performs so many important functions. And did you know your liver loves black coffee? Black coffee helps prevent liver cancer, hepatitis, fatty liver disease and alcoholic cirrhosis. People who drink 4 or more cups of black coffee everyday have 80 per cent lower chances of developing any liver disease. Coffee helps by lowering the level of harmful liver enzymes in the blood.

Makes you intelligent

Coffee has a psychoactive stimulant which when reacts with the body, has the ability to improve energy, mood, cognitive functioning and thus makes you smart over a period of time.

Cleanses your stomach

Coffee is a diuretic beverage thus it makes you want to urinate often. So, that is why when you drink black coffee without sugar, all the toxins and bacteria are flushed out easily in the form of urine. This helps to clean your stomach.

Helps in weight loss

Black coffee helps in rapid weight loss by making you work out more if you have it 30 minutes before you hit the gym. Black coffee helps to boost metabolism by approximately 50 percent. It also burns the fat in the tummy since it is a fat burning beverage. It also stimulates the nervous system which signals the body to break down the fat cells and use them as a source of energy as opposed to glycogen.

Improves cardiovascular health

Though drinking black coffee on a regular basis increases the blood pressure temporarily but this effect diminishes over time. Drinking 1 -2 cups of black coffee everyday reduces the risk of cardiovascular diseases including stroke. Black coffee also reduces the inflammation level in the body.

Powerhouse of antioxidants

Black coffee is the powerhouse of antioxidants. Black coffee contains Vitamin B2, B3, B5, Manganese, potassium and magnesium.

Coffee Is the Number One Source of Antioxidants in the US. Another reason why coffee may have such dramatic effects on Americans’ health is because it is the number one source of antioxidants in the US diet. The research, which was presented at the 230th national meeting of the American Chemical Society, showed that Americans get more antioxidants from drinking coffee than from any other dietary source, with researchers noting “nothing else even comes close.” Examples of the antioxidants in coffee include significant amounts of hydrocinnamic acid and polyphenols. Antioxidants are nature's way of providing your cells with adequate defense against attack by reactive oxygen species (ROS) or free radicals. Free radicals are a type of a highly reactive metabolite that is naturally produced by your body as a result of normal metabolism and energy production. They are your natural biological response to environmental toxins like cigarette smoke, sunlight, chemicals, cosmic, and manmade radiation, and are even a key feature of pharmaceutical drugs. Your body also produces free radicals when you exercise and when you have inflammation anywhere in your body. As long as you have these important micronutrients, your body will be able to resist aging caused by your everyday exposure to pollutants. If you don't have an adequate supply of antioxidants to help squelch free radicals, then you can be at risk of oxidative stress, which leads to accelerated tissue and organ damage. While fruits, such as berries, and vegetables are ideal sources of antioxidants, many Americans don’t eat the recommended amounts each day. This is why coffee, which is consumed widely on a daily basis, represents such a large dietary share of antioxidants. If you’re not a coffee drinker, you can easily boost your antioxidant intake by eating fresh produce – and even if you do drink coffee, getting your antioxidants from a wide variety of sources is still important.

Decreases diabetes risk

Drinking black coffee daily helps to reduce the risk of diabetes which in later age can lead to organ damage and heart diseases. It was seen people who drank 2 or less cups of coffee had increased risk of diabetes. Coffee helps in controlling diabetes by increasing insulin production. Both caffeinated and decaffeinated coffee help in prevention of diabetes.

Makes you happy

Drinking black coffee improves your mood and thus makes you happy. It is also one of the best remedies to fight depression. Have 2 cups of black coffee every day to keep depression at bay.

Reduces stress and depression

Too much work pressure and tension can lead to depression and stress which in turn can cause many serious health issues. But having a black cup of coffee when you feel tensed or low can boost your mood instantly and make things better. Coffee stimulates the central nervous system and increases the production of dopamine, serotonin, and noradrenaline, important neurotransmitters that elevate the mood.

Protects against gout

Research shows people who drank more than 4 cups of black coffee has 57 per cent reduced risk of gout. The powerful antioxidants present in coffee reduces the risk of developing gout by decreasing the level of insulin and uric acid in the body. Even if you have gout, it helps to relieve its symptoms.

The Benefits of Coffee: From Your Heart to Your Brain

The benefits of coffee are becoming so well established that, for the first time, a government advisory committee included a mention of caffeine in its recommendations for the 2015 edition of Dietary Guidelines for Americans. The report said Americans could safely consume up to five cups of coffee a day, or approximately 400 milligrams (mg) of caffeine, with no detrimental effects. The recommendation was based on an evaluation of multiple meta-analyses and other studies evaluating the link between coffee and chronic diseases, including cancer, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, Parkinson’s, and Alzheimer’s. Here’s a sampling of what the research shows:

Heart Health

In a study of more than 25,000 people, those who drank a moderate amount of coffee – defined as three to five cups daily – were less likely to have calcium deposits in their coronary arteries than those who drank no coffee or more coffee daily. A large part of arterial plaque consists of calcium deposits (atherosclerosis), hence the term "hardening of the arteries." Coronary artery calcium can be a significant predictor of future heart disease risk. In addition, one study showed moderate coffee drinking reduces your chances of being hospitalized for heart rhythm problems. Another study found it may trigger a 30 percent increase in blood flow in your small blood vessels, which might take some strain off your heart. Another study, a meta-analysis that included data from 11 studies and nearly 480,000 people found drinking two to six cups of coffee a day was associated with a lower risk of stroke.

Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson’s Disease

Drinking four to six cups of coffee a day is associated with a lower risk of multiple sclerosis, as is drinking a high amount of coffee over five to 10 years. According to researchers, “Caffeine has neuroprotective properties and seems to suppress the production of pro-inflammatory cytokines.” Higher coffee and caffeine intake are also associated with a lower risk of Parkinson’s disease.

Dementia

Caffeine promotes production of the neurotransmitters serotonin, dopamine, and noradrenaline, and triggers the release of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), which activates brain stem cells to convert into new neurons, thereby improving your brain health. Among people with mild cognitive impairment (MCI), those with higher blood levels of caffeine (due to coffee consumption) were less likely to progress to full-blown dementia. “Caffeine/coffee intake is associated with a reduced risk of dementia or delayed onset, particularly for those who already have MCI,” the researchers said.

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Crazy 8
Visiting her grave was part of my routine. If I returned I would know exactly which wooden box to walk too, in which flower patch her body rests and exactly how far beneath the ground her degrading body sits in harmony with the earth. She was ready to die. She was ready to die six months before I forced her body awake every morning. Before I coerced her to eat her wet soggy food. Before I held her so close to my body and dripped my tears of optimism all over her back. She was ready to die long before I decided she should live.
On September 6, 2010 Mother Nature decided that Idaho was ready for winter. The clouds swirled into a monotonous tundra over my home. The hawks mocked us for not being prepared for winter. It’s easier for them – they fill their stomachs and fly south. It was their time to eat. They flew in circles over my chicken shed meditating on their prey. As I saw the commotion in the sky and the craving of flesh in their eyes I knew it was time to corral my chickens.
My chickens roamed around the ten-acre land as they pleased. Some would make their way into my home on occasions and eat the food off the counters and others would go near the barn and roll their bodies into the hay hiding themselves from the rest of the world. The ones with more exploring initiative would lay on their sides in the middle of the fields like they were born in the tropics – stomach turned toward the heat finding every way to become one with the sun. They didn’t succeed but when I would pick those ones off the ground their heat would soak into my body and I would understand their logic. After their day of roaming the world they would find their way back to the coop. The coop was painted with my neighbors and my love. The names of the chickens were written on the walls and amateur drawings covered all the nooks and crannies. It was comforting to me. I wonder if they thought it was too.
As the hawks picked their prey I was frantic. My mom and I frolicked the land, me in search for all my babies and her supporting hers. I was yelling trying to scare away the hawks but they knew I couldn’t fly. I could never reach them. The sound of my petrified voice didn’t pierce the hawks as much as it pierced myself. There was one chicken missing. Where was the last one? I saw her body frantically trapped on the other side of the fence. I guided her around the fence to the shed and I pushed the last chicken into the shed and slammed the door shut. As the door slammed I heard the cries of a bird. Did I miss one? Did a hawk steal it before I did? But the distant noise wasn’t so distant at all. As I turned my head toward the door the chicken I had just saved from the hawk I had shut in the door. She lay – just like she used to lay beneath the sun but this time it was not out of pleasure. I opened the door and my chicken rest, her neck strutting in multiple directions and her eyes looking at me in desperation.
I convinced my mom to let me buy chickens when I was eight. She said “if you pay for them and take care of them – you can get them.” So, I saved my money, did my research, and found it only reasonable to make a business to pay for my chickens. I would sell eggs and thus my chickens would be paid for. And this is what I did. But the relationship between my chickens and I over the years became less of a business venture and more of a companionship. When I heard the arguing in the house I found solace in the chickens outside. I talked to them like I was a chicken myself. I would tell them my secrets and my fears. They would sit in my lap and tilt their head whenever I said something noteworthy. After I paused they would come in with some of their thoughts. It’s too bad I didn’t understand their language.
My chicken laid in my arms. My mom took it upon herself to make a bed in the warmth of our home. I brought the barely breathing chicken to the bed that was so delicately made and placed her in it. My tears of optimism didn’t cover the chicken today – they covered her body creating a coat of pain and suffering. I’m sure this coat wasn’t ever taken off my chicken – but I pretended it didn’t exist. I’m good at pretending.
In the preceding days, every morning, pre-lunch, lunch, pre-dinner, dinner, pre-dessert, and post dessert I would feed my chicken food that I soaked in water so it was soft enough to go down her broken neck. I wasn’t an anatomy expert but somehow I figured that with a neck that looks like a 90-degree angle it might be easier to eat if the food is soft. My chicken laid there day after day – gaining energy by night. I convinced myself or perhaps I dreamed it – that she was getting better. I imagined her standing up. I craved her leading a happy life – the life that she deserved.
My mom used to say that if she got in an accident and was unable to move or do anything with her life that she would want to die. She wouldn’t want her children spending their lives caring for a cause that we cared so deeply for but that she left long ago. Our family likes knowing one another at our best and at our worst. But when our worst makes others suffer it becomes a problem that affects all those around us. When I ponder the chicken months today – I always wonder if my chicken was like my mother. Did she want me to let her die? Did she want to close her eyes and sleep to her death? Had I stripped her of her one wish just like I would strip my mother?
As her health improved and she began to seem more alert to the world we started having daily sessions. In the morning’s we stretched. I would pick her immobile body up and slowly move her legs away from her body. I would do the same for her feet. I trusted I was saving a child from its misery. I know now that death isn’t something to fear. I feared for my chicken – I’m sure she didn’t fear it. I would put her body to the ground like she was walking – reminding her of a past long forgotten. A past that today she only sees in her heaven. I didn’t put any of her weight on the ground – it was more of a presentation. When she gobbled, I thought she was telling me things. I would listen and try to pick up on her words. But somehow her gobbles never translated to English.
When people visited our home, they wondered why my mother let me keep a dying chicken in our bathroom. You couldn’t use that bathroom because it smelled of manure and death – so people were ushered to the one in my mother’s room. My mom and I thought it was normal. She was a part of the family. I considered her a part of me just like a person would consider their sibling a part of them. My mother felt the same way. Often when I slept in too late my mom would do my job for me. She would help her walk and feed her her wet food. I remember her words ringing in my head “if you take care of them, you can get them.” I knew she believed this but my mother would also check in on my chicken day and night when I couldn’t care for her myself. She is a mother after all. I learned my ways from her.
A month later my chicken could stand up. I never thought her progress would be so vast. Balancing was a difficult task for her. Her vision was off – or at least something was because when she stood up to eat her food – she would go to peck the liquid matter but she would miss and peck the ground instead. It would take her a few tries to get her beak into the bowl. I didn’t know how to teach her without moving her head in the right direction. Sometimes I would place my hands around the bowl covering the ground. My chicken knew when she pecked me – she never wanted to peck me so she would try to find the bowl. When the days were still warm I would bring her under the hot sun to some of her favorite places – to the sawdust where she used to roll or to the blanket of grass where she would heat her body. She loved the days when it was warm. She would place herself near a tree and sprawl on the ground.
Sometimes my mother would come play the guitar outside. Her lyrics penetrated the atmosphere. She wasn’t playing for anyone – or at least anyone I knew of. But I know my chicken would sit under the tree a few feet away from her and she would turn her head, in any way she knew how, to look at my mother. She would tilt her head, a sober sign of listening and she would keep it that way until my mother’s words receded. Then she would go back to sticking her beak into the ground in search of insects but whenever my mom started up again she would always repeat her actions. I think her voice was a gift into a world of pleasure that was absent from her life. My mother’s voice was a gift to more than one.
As time went on my chicken became stronger. She could walk. Her head and neck leaned to one side of her body making her unbalanced. When she could walk, she would only go in a circle. Her circles eventually got bigger and some days she would make it all the way across the yard by way of circles. When I think about spending life only able to move in circles it makes me shiver.
We could never reintroduce her to the other chickens because they would peck her to death. Chickens are cruel birds – or cruel to the human eye. If one has a disability they will peck it until it dies. I couldn’t let this happen – but maybe that’s the way of the chicken world – and maybe that’s what is best.
My chicken would go to the fence and stand at it looking at all the other ones on the other side of the fence. She looked in desperation as if she was so alone – as if she wanted to be pecked to death – as if she was ready to take death. I couldn’t bear to see her own kind kill her and I couldn’t leave her knowing exactly what was going to happen when I left.
By May 8, 2010 my chicken acted as if she had never got her neck crushed in a door. She laid eggs, she only tilted her head slightly and she befriended the less cruel chickens. She still slept in a different place than them, she would still eat wet food, and I would still watch her with a hawk’s eye.
Months later I walked into her bed and she lied there dead. I still wonder what caused it. Was it her age? Was it something from the event that occurred seven months earlier? Or was she just ready to die?
We buried her on the same day and my tears covered the dirt of where she lay. My tears soaked the area – I’m sure they reached her body that lied so far beneath the dirt. Her body lays in the dirt that I shed my tears on today. But, she doesn’t lay there. She is somewhere, in some beautiful place, dancing with the land just of how she always dreamed. A rock lay by her grave and on it are the words ‘Crazy 8.’ We called her Crazy 8. Her name is Crazy 8.

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