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Our struggles determine our successes
Everybody wants what feels good. Everyone wants to live a carefree, happy and easy life, to fall in love and have amazing sex and relationships, to look perfect and make money and be popular and well-respected and admired and a total baller to the point that people part like the Red Sea when you walk into the room.Everyone would like that—it’s easy to like that.If I ask you, “What do you want out of life?” and you say something like, “I want to be happy and have a great family and a job I like,” it’s so ubiquitous that it doesn’t even mean anything.A more interesting question, a question that perhaps you’ve never considered before, is what pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.Everybody wants to have an amazing job and financial independence—but not everyone wants to suffer through 60-hour work weeks, long commutes, obnoxious paperwork, to navigate arbitrary corporate hierarchies and the blasé confines of an infinite cubicle hell. People want to be rich without the risk, without the sacrifice, without the delayed gratification necessary to accumulate wealth.Everybody wants to have great sex and an awesome relationship—but not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional psychodrama to get there. And so they settle. They settle and wonder “What if?” for years and years and until the question morphs from “What if?” into “Was that it?” And when the lawyers go home and the alimony check is in the mail they say, “What was that for?” if not for their lowered standards and expectations 20 years prior, then what for?Because happiness requires struggle. The positive is the side effect of handling the negative. You can only avoid negative experiences for so long before they come roaring back to life.
At the core of all human behaviour, our needs are more or less similar. Positive experience is easy to handle. It’s negative experience that we all, by definition, struggle with. Therefore, what we get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire but by what bad feelings we’re willing and able to sustain to get us to those good feelings.
People want an amazing physique. But you don’t end up with one unless you legitimately appreciate the pain and physical stress that comes with living inside a gym for hour upon hour, unless you love calculating and calibrating the food you eat, planning your life out in tiny plate-sized portions.People want to start their own business or become financially independent. But you don’t end up a successful entrepreneur unless you find a way to appreciate the risk, the uncertainty, the repeated failures, and working insane hours on something you have no idea whether will be successful or not.People want a partner, a spouse. But you don’t end up attracting someone amazing without appreciating the emotional turbulence that comes with weathering rejections, building the sexual tension that never gets released, and staring blankly at a phone that never rings. It’s part of the game of love. You can’t win if you don’t play.What determines your success isn’t “What do you want to enjoy?” The question is, “What pain do you want to sustain?” The quality of your life is not determined by the quality of your positive experiences but the quality of your negative experiences. And to get good at dealing with negative experiences is to get good at dealing with life.
There’s a lot of crappy advice out there that says, “You’ve just got to want it enough!”Everybody wants something. And everybody wants something enough. They just aren’t aware of what it is they want, or rather, what they want “enough.”Because if you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs. If you want the beach body, you have to want the sweat, the soreness, the early mornings, and the hunger pangs. If you want the yacht, you have to also want the late nights, the risky business moves, and the possibility of pissing off a person or ten thousand.If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe what you want isn’t what you want, you just enjoy wanting. Maybe you don’t actually want it at all.Sometimes I ask people, “How do you choose to suffer?” These people tilt their heads and look at me like I have twelve noses. But I ask because that tells me far more about you than your desires and fantasies. Because you have to choose something. You can’t have a pain-free life. It can’t all be roses and unicorns. And ultimately that’s the hard question that matters. Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have similar answers. The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?That answer will actually get you somewhere. It’s the question that can change your life. It’s what makes me me and you you. It’s what defines us and separates us and ultimately brings us together.For most of my adolescence and young adulthood, I fantasized about being a musician — a rock star, in particular. Any badass guitar song I heard, I would always close my eyes and envision myself up on stage playing it to the screams of the crowd, people absolutely losing their minds to my sweet finger-noodling. This fantasy could keep me occupied for hours on end. The fantasizing continued up through college, even after I dropped out of music school and stopped playing seriously. But even then it was never a question of if I’d ever be up playing in front of screaming crowds, but when. I was biding my time before I could invest the proper amount of time and effort into getting out there and making it work. First, I needed to finish school. Then, I needed to make money. Then, I needed to find the time. Then … and then nothing.Despite fantasizing about this for over half of my life, the reality never came. And it took me a long time and a lot of negative experiences to finally figure out why: I didn’t actually want it.I was in love with the result—the image of me on stage, people cheering, me rocking out, pouring my heart into what I’m playing—but I wasn’t in love with the process. And because of that, I failed at it. Repeatedly. Hell, I didn’t even try hard enough to fail at it. I hardly tried at all.The daily drudgery of practicing, the logistics of finding a group and rehearsing, the pain of finding gigs and actually getting people to show up and give a shit. The broken strings, the blown tube amp, hauling 40 pounds of gear to and from rehearsals with no car. It’s a mountain of a dream and a mile-high climb to the top. And what it took me a long time to discover is that I didn’t like to climb much. I just liked to imagine the top.Our culture would tell me that I’ve somehow failed myself, that I’m a quitter or a loser. Self-help would say that I either wasn’t courageous enough, determined enough or I didn’t believe in myself enough. The entrepreneurial/start-up crowd would tell me that I chickened out on my dream and gave in to my conventional social conditioning. I’d be told to do affirmations or join a mastermind group or manifest or something.But the truth is far less interesting than that: I thought I wanted something, but it turns out I didn’t. End of story.I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love not with the fight but only the victory. And life doesn’t work that way.
Who you are is defined by the values you are willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who get in good shape. People who enjoy long workweeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who move up it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainty of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it.This is not a call for willpower or “grit.” This is not another admonishment of “no pain, no gain.”This is the most simple and basic component of life: Our struggles determine our successes.
So choose your struggles wisely, my friend.
This post originally appeared on MarkManson.net. Follow @iammarkmanson on Twitter
Ha, ha, I have no fucking clue :D
Last night I saw the Quora notification alert :D
Harsha Bhogle is taking question, ask your question
I thought, “Wow, finally Mr Bhogle!”
I thought about asking, “Who will be no 4 batsman in India's batting line-up in WC?”
Then as I was expected that was the first question :D
But then I saw probably 1000+ questions were asked and then I realised that in no chance in hell, he could answer my question so then I tried to see what kind of questions are people asking
Oh! My! My! :D
People ask such Stupid questions :D
Who is better Rahul Dravid or Sachin Tendulkar?
Who is better captain Rahul Dravid or Sachin Tendulkar?
Who is more stylish batsman Rahul Dravid or Sachin Tendulkar?
Who has better techniques Rahul Dravid or Sachin Tendulkar?
Should Sachin Tendulkar be slapped for wrongly accusing Rahul Dravid for not letting him to score a double century?
Why is Sachin Tendulkar better batsman than Rahul Dravid? Isn't it the other way around?
Why people think Sachin Tendulkar is greatest batsman on planet when he only played for himself and Rahul Dravid got the blame for being a selfish batsman? How is it justified?
There were more on Sachin Tendulkar and Rahul Dravid. I mean, seriously guys, you need to move on, it's not 90s anymore
I mean for god's sake don't ask such stupid ‘who is better’ question. These are most cringeworthy questions. Grow up :D
But was this finished here?
Oh! New chapter started…
Who is better Rohit Sharma or Sachin Tendulkar?
Who is better Rohit Sharma or Virat Kohli?
Who is better Virat Kohli or Sachin Tendulkar?
Who is better Rohit Sharma or Rahul Dravid?
Who is better Virat Kohli or Rahul Dravid?
Who is better captain Rohit Sharma or Virat Kohli?
Who is best Captain out of this four Rohit Sharma, Virat Kohli or Sachin Tendulkar or Rahul Dravid?
Should Virat Kohli be slapped and brought down to reality?
Does Virat Kohli deserve the tag of best cricketer?
Is Virat Kohli as good as his market value?
Isn't Virat Kohli overrated?
Shouldn't Virat Kohli now only concentrate on bollywood with his wife?
Crazy idiots!!!!!! :II
Oh! If anyone interested I asked, “What do you think about the idea that T10 cricket as Olympic format since even T20Is are long for Olympic?”
I don't think I will ever get an answer to that question :D
Harsha Bhogle probably left as soon as he entered Quora, I know I would have :D
Okay, I keep seeing these same kind of questions again and again on Quora.
Let me ask you a question instead
When you are asking this kind of question, what is your thinking behind it?
Are you asking because you feel bollywood movies look lame compared to Hollywood movies or is it the fact that you are simply fed up seeing from your childhood same kind of bad Hollywood copy bullshit from people like Karan Johar?
Whatever the reason maybe, do any of you can come up with an uniform idea what exactly do you want to see from bollywood movies?
I don't think so, you won't be able to agree to any one single idea
What does that tell you?
We don't have any clue what we want from bollywood movies
But we don't like it
Because we are a confused country
We are a mordern country based on mediaeval sentiment as a result we are constantly struggling between mordernity and nostalgia
When we watch a Hollywood movie, we ask ourselves subconsciously, why bollywood movies can't be like that?
Well, Karan Johar (I never liked any of his movies) also ask himself that :D
But he can't really make one like that either
He tries but it turns everytime into a stupid hollywood copy bullshit waste of time movie
Now, let's say that he is a bad movie maker but even if for arguments sake, let's say he is a decent movie maker, then why can't he make good movies?
Because people like him also confused what to do in India, just like it's viewers
First of all, there's no story in most of the bollywood movies, in students of year, he created college students that don't exist in India.
Sidharth Malhotra's character is supposed to be a guy from places like California who is after becoming adult moved away from his parents house and living in places like Miami, he is a rich kid which is why well groomed from childhood but now he is poor as he is working as bartender in Miami so basically a rich world scenario
Siddharth Malhotra's character is supposed to be like that
Now, imagine such character in India where even word sex is taboo
What an irony!!!
Karan Johar really wants to turn Mumbai into California but he can't really do that either
Ha, ha, too bad for him censor board will police him
So in a way, he feels his hands are tied behind his back therefore end product is stupid
Then why movies like that have certain fan base
Because we don't live in conservative religious world anymore
Due to internet, Indians can see world in their home
So in a conservative society, western liberal world is very interesting therefore Indians want that in India but unfortunately it is not possible as long as older generations are in power
Therefore they have to satisfy themselves seeing bullshit Karan Johar movie because we hate our conservative society and it's life style, we don't like to admit but everyone knows this :D
So there's always a demand for such movies in India
Karan Johar knows that
Another one is body shaming, women's skin showing and confusion around it in bollywood and it's viewers:
What is general argument against Bollywood? It's stereo type women body over sexualisation . Well even in western flims they do that very very well and with quite success. I am sure you know exactly what I am taking about here. Actually a universal truth is sex sells and it sells well. Naked women body is such fuss therefore. So those item song you see in bollywood they are very soft version of those sex comedy in Hollywood or other western flims. In India you will see two kinds of critique of Bollywood - one is against those sanskari babuji type flims and another against these objectification of women body. Yet most of them will have no problem watching western Erotica or flims with nudity. Rest will be ultra conservative , so they will probably be stay clear of these. The question is why? Well to give an answer to that question some of them will say that because the scene demands it and they showed it with maturity. That's absolutely bullshit statement. That's actually showing they have no idea what they are taking about- there is some basic difference between western public and Indian public. In the West , there has been sexual revolution. It did not happen here. So thinking process of both the civilization formed over completely different base.
In western countries, people can have sex almost in front of their parents and children. Women can take their top off in public place such as on bitch. Couple can make out in public places with hands everywhere. These are unthinkable in India. So when there's a sex scene in western flims or full frontal nudity, it's not a big deal to western public but it is to Indian public.
Then what is the difference- the whole sexual revolution came on the basis of rejecting the morality of constructive religion - in this case Christianity - one of the reason today orthodox Christian are the real minority in West. In the West people realised quite early that morality is makeshift thing which is created by ancient people to control the society so that it doesn't go chaotic as they had limited knowledge about things around them. It was a best thought in that circumstances. But with time they realised what are the weakness of makeshift thing like morality . They realised that one can only make the morality work in real life if they are aware of its limitations otherwise any thought process of thinking it as absolute could hault progress , evolution, innovative thought process and eventually end of human civilization. This is the kind of thinking brought sexual revolution.
Now in India people don't think this way. Most often people don't even know how to think this way. They are not even aware of this . So as a result what's happening - on one hand people like conservative things and on the other hand people with more global mixing thought process don't exactly know why they are criticising certain things and that is why they made up argument based on very weird circumstances so that their whole argument gets at time contradicted with their act. Because they don't have the basic understanding of certain things like western public , they are saying to themselves - this is what happens in West so you better suck it up.
The problem with the Bollywood is actually what is the problem with India. As I said before India is a modern country based on mediveal morality and religion. So people are confused with the clash of modernity and mediveal morality and religion. Most liberal people are also not completely out of this confused lot. Most often these people take certain positions which can be very modern in certain way but in other ways same old morality and religious pampering. Because they don't get this modern world like western public do as I said before because of their different base of thinking process.
This is why so much hue and cry over Indian movies.
Truth is Indian movies won't change as long as Indian society remains conservative religious and sensor board there to police them.
Movie makers think that ordinary Indian life style are boring so a story on Indian life style won't be that exciting hence there's so many biopic on interesting Indian character in recent times due to all this criticism in recent times and those period movies therefore dramatized to do some kind of glam up for the same reason as well irrespective of the fact that they know they are going to get flak for that and in a way that's good for publicity
But as long as ordinary Indian people's life style won't be interesting enough to show on silver screen, you will keep seeing same Karan Johar bullshit again and again because we have a lot of stories but they are not that interesting enough to sell
This is an unfortunate reality
Edit: Hinduism bashing in Bollywood is completely different, I need to write a different answer for that :D
How to Attain Victory Over Anger
Just as you learn to keep accounts, and when you learn the key elements of accounting then tracking becomes very easy. Similarly there is a main point, the key element, the root of every question, and if you learn this then the answer to that question will automatically come to you.The question that has come is that how to attain victory over anger? Then the question really is, where does anger come from? Gita says - “Anger comes from desire” - “kaamaatkrodhaayabhijaayate” (Gita 2/62). What is that anger? Human beings have understood that “desires are for money, wealth, grandeur, power, etc.” - These are also desires, but what is the main and real desire? “This should happen and this should not happen” - the name of this subtle want within is called “desire”.
First you hold on to the point that “this should certainly happen” and when that does not happen, then you become angry. And “This should not happen” and when someone does that or does something opposing to your wishes, then you get angry. This should happen and this should not happen, this is the root of all anger.
There is no gain in desiring that it should happen like this, or it should not happen like this; because will the world ask us before doing something? Will they do according to your liking? You want from your wife, son and servant that they should listen to you, then do they not wish the same of you? If they have nothing on their mind then they will do as you say, but in their minds too there is that thought that “ I will do it this way or not do it this way” then how will they listen only to you? When you too are not willing to listen to how they want things done, then what rights do you have that they should listen to your ways? Therefore when the feeling arises within that “This should happen like this and it should not happen like this” - then leave the insistence that the person should do it like that alone. In this insistence is your pride, in other words, I am greater, therefore he should listen to me. This pride of greatness is the main cause, and when things do not happen the way you want, then that pride itself comes in the form of anger.
If you desire peace then give up pride; because pride is the root of all the demoniac qualities. In the shadow of pride of greatness lies all the demoniac qualities of Kaliyug, All the bad qualities pertaining to demoniac qualities such as anger, greed, attachment, jealousy, passion, hypocrisy, deceit etc., they all come under the umbrella of pride, because pride is their king. If you do not give up pride then how will anger go away! Therefore give up that pride.
Now what is the solution for giving it up? Those who do not listen to you, they are helping you in getting rid of your pride, and those who listen and do as you say, they are swelling your pride - are you getting this point or not? The people who are obeying you are not benefiting you as much as, those who don’t do as you say. For you own good, the more that your pride is confronted the more better it is for you. Therefore you must be grateful to those who are not listening to you, because as such this is for our own well-being.
If they knowingly do not listen to you, saying that brother, we are not listening to you because it is for your own good, as your pride will go away, then to it is to your benefit only. They are not further swelling your pride i.e. your pride is not getting further bloated. Do you not wish for what is for your good or do you not? Do you want your spiritual progress or do you want your downfall? If you desire your spiritual growth, then it will be possible only when you are free of pride. And you will become free of pride when no one listens to you. If someone listens to you, then your words become established and this itself is cause for pride. This itself is demoniac tendency - “dambho darpobhimaanashrav krodhah” (Gita 16/4). Therefore those who do not listen to you, they are gracing you immensely. They are removing your demoniac tendencies and instilling divine tendencies in you.
Now the question that has come is that by not listening the child will become insolent and arrogant? By listening to you, you will become filled with pride, and if he does not listen then he will become insolent - now think deeply on these two points. If you are not there, then too by doing as he wants he will become insolent regardless, however how will your pride go away? Insolent he will be regardless of you, but your pride will not go away. Therefore you must get rid of your pride first and the foremost.
Second point is that if you do not dominate over him then your mild nature, that is free from pride will make an impression on him, by which his insolence will go away, rather he will become alright. You say to him that brother, you must not do this sort of work, and even thereafter if he does so, let go and become peaceful and silent. If he behaves insolently, he will get the consequences of his actions. On getting the fruits, he will become alert, and then his insolence will automatically go away. But by your persistent telling, his insolence will not go away as quickly as it would go away from suffering the consequences of his insolent behavior. The reason for this is that in his mind he will hold on to his own points, and what you say will stay superficially on the surface like silver plating. That plating will wear off, then how can his insolence go away entirely? The real solution to getting rid of his insolence is to get rid of your own pride.
If man wants to live in a family, then he must learn how to live in a family. The art of living in the family is that do as they say, do according what their wishes are. Fulfill your duty and make them happy.
What does it mean to live in a family? You have certain obligation to fulfill your duty. What is your duty? To fulfill your duties properly, whether the wife listens, does not listen, whether the son listens, does not listen, whether brother listens, does not listen, whether parents listen, do not listen. Do not ever look towards whether they do their duty or not. When you look towards their duty, and see towards their insolent or rebellious behavior etc., during such times you are deviating from your duty. Rather, you are falling from your duty. As such, where has it been said that your duty is to see towards other’s faults? No where in the scriptures it has been said that you see towards other’s faults; rather it has been said that this world is made up of the three constituents of nature (mode of passion “rajas”, ignorance “tamas” and goodness “sattva”, it is filled with faults.
Gun yah ubhaya na dekhiahin dekhia so abibek ||
(Manas 7/41)If others have good qualities you may see them, but do not see their bad qualities. If you see towards their bad qualities, those qualities will come in you. And on seeing those bad qualities if you are getting angry with them to rescue them from their willful acts, then you cannot be saved from that anger. Therefore you do your duty. We are not to see towards other’s duty, nor are we to see towards their flaws. Yes! If you have a son, then it is your duty to teach him good lessons, but wanting that he should do exactly as you say - that is not your duty. That is his duty. It is not your duty to show him what his duty is. Your duty is only to say that son, look it is not good to do like this. If he says - “no, no father, I will do it like this”; then say – “OK, do it that way!” This is a very good medicine. I too am taking this medicine. The medicine that has been given, is a very effective medicine. If you say – “Do like this” and if he says, “No ! I will do like that only.” Then
simply say – “OK! do it like that.”Rajjab ros na kijiye koyi kahe kyon hi |
Hasker utter dijiye haa babaji yu hi ||If what he is doing is sinful or unlawful, then do not accept it. We are to say that which is in accordance with the scriptures, however if they do not listen, then do the scriptures say to fight with them or to control them? You only have the rights to tell them what you know to be true, “karmanyavaadhikaaraste” (Gita 2/47) but thinking that they should do exactly as you say - that is the fruit, to which you have no rights. “Maa phaleshu kadaachan” (Gita 2/47). You have done your part, your duty was only to point out. It was not your duty to make then do as you say! To do as you say is their duty. We only have to explain their duty. If they fulfill their duty then there is no obstacle in your spiritual progress and if they do not fulfill their duty then too there is no loss. There is no loss for you at all, because you have said what is for their welfare. This is a priceless point !
Narayana! Narayana !! Narayana !!!
From "Jeevan Upyogi Pravachan " in Hindi by Swami Ramsukhdasji
नारायण ! नारायण ! नारायण !
To read in HINDI: http://www.satcharcha.blogspot.comTo read in ENGLISH: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sadhakaTo ask questions, send message to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gita-talk
'Sonam Gupta Bewafa Hai' leaves impression in IIT exam
A student from IIT Guwahati Dipankar Deori posted a picture of question paper where he wrote the statements of his professor about the 'bewafa of Sonam'.
Deori wrote, 'When IIT profs too believe about the "bewafa" of Sonam Gupta, students get a question paper like this in the end sem of EE622 exam."
The students faced a 11-mark question where the professor asked them to determine the probability that Sonam Gupta is bewafa given that at least one other person 'y' has claimed that she is bewafa.
Deori shares his excitement and expressed his love towards his professor. "The response is overwhelming. We all love the professor for making the question so exciting. It has spread to other IITs widely been commented up on," he said, according to a report in the TOI.
It all started with a ten rupee note where it was written, 'Sonam Gupta Bewafa hai' and after PM Modi announced the demonitisation of Rs 500 and Rs 1000 notes, the meme shook social media. Sonam's story has reached from a torn note to a brand new note of Rs 2,000.
We wish and hope the students will be able to ace the exam with flying colours.